Anyone else stopping completely in 2020?

[Drybird2020]

I don't mean moderating or cutting down, I know that I can't control my drinking this way and I need to stop.

I have stopped for periods of time before and enjoyed the peace of not thinking about alcohol, or stressing about my consumption, or negotiating with myself about whether or not to get a bottle of wine on the way home on a Wednesday night.
There's no point in doing dry January, because I will just use it to justify a wet February.

There used to be a series of threads for total abstinence, think it was in Relationships but it seems to have tailed off. I could really do with a place to talk about this, but with an emphasis on being dry, not moderate. And if nobody else is keen I can use it as somewhere to witter away to myself.

Reporting in and yes I drank last night. A couple of halves with dp on his birthday treat. It 100% absolutely was not worth it. I kind of wanted to join in with him. He loves drinking and it’s his birthday weekend.

I can tell you now that alcohol is a bit shit! The first half was lovely but I never stop there. I didn’t get drunk but the couple of drinks after that were rubbish. I will not be bothering again. I can’t believe actually that I used to do this regularly! Not annoyed with myself- more enlightened.

@HowlsMovingBungalow parental alienation is a crime in some countries- our legal system has been really slow on this. It is cruel and a large part of the punishment is seeing our beautiful children so needlessly damaged.

My dd is 15 - she occasionally has moments of real insight into what has been done to her. She knows it all on one level but she has had to reject me and the need to do that to survive her dad’s treatment of her, is just so strong.

She runs away from him to really risky situations because she can’t defy him enough to come to me. She then comes to me and loves the stability but she sabotages it. She knows she’s doing it now but can’t stop. She’s my precious baby.

Hi all on day 25, yesterday I had a few twinges of wanting to get drunk, mainly due to feeling a bit down in the dumps for various reasons. Anyway I played sport with DH and it completely went away. Has anyone else noticed less painful period? This one is a breeze... May be a coincidence but I hope it's the same next month!

Morning all, another AF night for me last night. I'm really starting to feel the benefits of being bright and busy tailed in the mornings. Getting far more done that's for sure!

I'm start to look past January now and intend to carry on for the foreseeable future. I really need to focus on better eating though..!!

I hope you all have some lovely weekend plans. xx

Hi all, I was on the other AF thread that turned into moderation then have lurked on this one ever since, so am on day 25 today.... last night was the hardest by far. I told my husband how terrible the cravings were and he went and poured himself a lovely big drink and sat drinking it in front of me, I could have poked his eyes out! So hard being AF when living with someone that seems to be annoyed that he's lost his drinking partner.... any tips? I'm still raging!

I've been up since early as well, feeling much better. I love proper sleep and early mornings.

Happy sober Saturday to everyone 😊

Welcome Nutella, I'm glad you felt able to post at last! That sounds deliberately unhelpful of your husband and it must be difficult that he's not supportive. I know others on here are dealing with similar. I hope a clear head and conscience is compensation for a difficult evening yesterday.

Well the usual mn advice is LTB Nutella... you are right though that he really won't like losing a drinking partner. I know it puts a real strain on relationships when people change. Hopefully he will get used to it and in time your cravings will diminish.

Today I am looking forward to seeing an old work friend. I don't think she drinks and I am driving so it's easy.

Really, really struggling with this, but yes, I am going to give up completely. I am wavering between drinking 2-3 bottles a week and 5 or so bottles at the moment (I tend to finish a bottle and then go out for more), and it has to stop. I have a little girl and I can’t have her losing her mum. But given where I am, I can’t even feel the reality of that, and it’s so hard. I don’t want to see my GP because my profession is one where there is a stigma attached to alcohol misuse, and really I don’t know what a doctor can do to help anyway. I don’t feel ashamed because I know this is an addiction and isn’t my fault, but I do feel helpless. Read all the books, tried 30 day abstinence and struggle at the moment to manage 3 or 4. It’s been an issue for about ten years, really.

Thanks @Drybird2020 and @testing987654321 it did feel great to wake up this morning with a clear head and conscience, although it's not easy to remember the benefits when the cravings and screaming in your ear! I just feel like I deserve at least some support when I have spent the last 10 years being there for him and his depression and being the 'strong one' and as a result having a drink when I think about how tough life is! Anyway rant over, and thanks for the welcome 😊

Hello @hobbitsarecool
I have a similar profession and I understand about GP. Yet another reason why I value this thread.
If think you are in a place where you are ready, this thread is a wonderful place of no -judgmental support where we take it day by day and appreciate all The wonderful things that being AF brings as well as the awful times.
PP who said they have less painful periods- yes! My first one since I stopped at the moment and it is definitely less painful.
Friday was hard! And I’m hoping Saturday will be easier.

I am hoping tonight will be easy. I’ve taken all the alcohol out of the house. It’s time to change.

Hello everyone! I'm not a frequent poster but I'm so grateful that this thread is here. I'm now on day 15 and feeling more different than I thought I would - sleeping A LOT, much clearer headed and energetic, mood more stable and what I thought was IBS has been much better.

@Ontheshingle and @Drybird2020 - I think you are right about the self-medicating, it's been that way for me for years - for me I think it's been from my first proper drink, when I was 11 or so. Alcohol was the only real constant in my life until I had my first child. Although I've not been drinking much in the last decade (compared to where I was before, at least) it's been something I've depended on totally. It's such a relief to say "no more". Easier (weirdly) than trying to cut down or moderate.

Day 5 in the stircrazy house and it feels soooooo good to be back here! So far I’ve been to the gym, walked the dawg and had lunch. I’m almost feeling productive!

Having gotten to day 10 earlier in the month, had a four day slip then righted myself all I can say to those wobbling is hang tight as it’s simply not worth it. Hobbit you’ll find lots of support here, just take it a day at a time and don’t give up if you slip. Still birthdays are hard, but you sound in the right mind set and a slip can sometimes make us realise we are not missing anything!

Another one with a teenage grump boy here. Fortnite being a major thorn in my side. Salted caramel ice cream is a definite god send, personally I like the cart d’or one as it has fudgey bits in it.

Today I am glad / grateful to be clear headed and well stocked up with sugar!

Sponge hope your weekend is well, I would second hiding in the loo if you need some time out. xx

Can I join the party? I have a four pack of diet cokes

I'm on day one. I don't know if anyone else here can relate, as I'm not an all or nothing drinker, so it's taken me a long time to work out why I think I've got a problem. I drink to relax but I have a stressful job and I need to find another way of dealing with that stress. Especially because the mild hangover anxiety then leads to a perpetuating loop of low mood/anxiety/reward - drink!/poor sleep/low mood.
I read an article (linked in thread maybe?) about how some people feel the stimulant effect of alcohol more and some its the sedative effects and it really struck a chord. Lots of the current messages about cutting out alcohol seem to be based on ultra sociable party binge drinkers and that's never been my thing (no judgement, it just doesn't have that role for me so I don't connect with it). I have an off button once I've started, but im starting on too many days and I'm fed up of feeling shit!

Hello hobbits and candee and three and everyone

I also use alcohol to switch off from stressful job. I am really proud that while I have had an absolute bastard of a few weeks, and have managed to not crack. I think I’ve actually been better able to cope, which makes sense, because I’m not bludgeoning my senses with alcohol. I’m like you that I can stop, but I also start too much...

Just catching up - hello to hobbits and candee and three and Nutella.

Nutella you have the patience of a saint!

We've been out and about this morning, just got home. Miserable grey day but glad we made the effort to get some fresh air! Went to a cracking museum in West Sussex (waves to East Sussex people) and DS was an angel. It won't last!

Feeling tired today - how are everyone else's energy levels?

I’ve done a lot of reading today and am wondering whether a traumatic childhood is partly the issue for me, with compulsive use of alcohol functioning as a defence mechanism/anaesthetic. I’ve never been much into psychoanalysis but hell, I’ve got to try something!

Has anyone else considered whether their addiction might be a symptom in this sense? Has it helped to be aware of it?

Hey everyone havent been on in a few days so catching up. Day 25 for me today (cant believe it)

My first week to 10 days I was bursting with energy but for the past while i feel tired all the time but I am still enjoying proper full nights sleep. Havent had any weight loss (due to eating body weight in sweets/snacks and drinking pepsi in place of wine) but noticing my complexion is alot better, my skin is no longer as dry and I'm not bloated anymore. I have a fresh mind despite tiredness and I'm dealing with stress by actually thinking things over in my mind and feeling all the emotions.

Have just had a bath and OH has made a beef casserole. Plans for tonight are my kindle, tea & lots of toasted white bread with real butter (I'll diet in february)

Hobbits I don't know about symptoms (and I'm sorry to hear about your own childhood). But I think all rabbit holes are worth exploring on your own journey.

Alcoholism/heavy drinking runs in my family, but I don't think addiction is genetic. Or that there's such a thing as an addictive personality.

But I do think we pass on traits in our everyday actions to others - my Mum drinks because she enjoys it and finds it easier to talk to people - I feel the same.

As Sophocles has eloquently said, drink does become a coping mechanism, so we use it to cope. And then we find we can cope perfectly fine without it. We just needed to find the right moment to ditch the parachute.

I don't know! It's years and years of performance isn't it? I still feel like I have a long, long way to go - 100 days I think until I feel back in control.

Boots - you evening (and toast) sounds perfect. I'm lc'ing at the moment, and have lost half a stone, I just wanted to clear out my system from the bottom up. And I knew that once I stopped drinking I would eat too much instead as a reward! Daft logic.

Hi Threeflyingducks. Welcome. I’m not a binge drinker either and don’t have to finish a bottle. But I ended up drinking 3 or 4 small drinks almost every night and was getting up feeling sluggish and anxious and generally exhausted daily. And disappointed in my lack of control. I’m on AF day 20 here. I’m coping during the week but finding weekend nights really tough! Happy Saturday all. Boot I love hot buttered toast - enjoy. I hope it’s salty butter, yum 😋

How's everyone finding Saturday evening?

Pluses of today - I found an amazing drink that makes me feel like I'm having some thing 'grown up' - fever tree lemon tonic. It's sooooo good!

Minuses, currently looking back at photos from 7 months ago when my drinking picked up again after having my daughter. She was only 2 months old and I'm feeling so ashamed at how I was drunk in a lot of the photos I have on my phone. She's so perfect and amazing and deserves so much better. Struggling a lot with this, have got into bed early and am having a good cry.

Alcohol was my go to when I felt, well pretty much anything. I didn't just drink when I felt sad I drank when I felt happy, because it's my personality to take things from 0-100, happy wasn't good enough I had to be happier. I don't seem able to do middle ground.

Day 4, after making it to say 21 last week and feeling very sad and wondering if I'll ever get over 'ruining' those precious memories of the first months with my baby.

Sorry for such a deep depressing post! Sending everyone love and strength.

Which museum @HouseTornado ??? We love a museum!

rosieposies The Novium in Chichester! Great new exhibition on, The Mystery Warrior.

There's also a brilliant park, Priory Park, inside the city walls.

Please don't beat yourself up, you most certainly haven't ruined anything at all, and I imagine you are an awesome parent! We're only human, and our lives change dramatically after having kids. Our identity takes a radical shift, it takes time to adjust.

I have been over the limit when looking after my son on too many occasions. What if I'd had to go to hospital? I know we can't put our lives on hold once kids come along, but I - my drinking - was probably going to put him at risk. And that's not ok.

Hope you feel better in the morning.

Hope today is a bit brighter for you rosies

I can’t find a link to it, but there was a video that Annie Grace does as part of The Alcohol Experiment that talks about just those feelings that you’re describing. I think it was in week 2. She asks women in your position to think more about blaming the culture of alcohol than what your individual actions were.

Can anyone else remember that video, and maybe link to it? It was very powerful, she gets quite emotional in it, and I think it may be helpful. I’ll have another look later when I’m on my laptop.

Day 25 for me, feeling good again. I had a nice day yesterday, connected with some friends at an exercise class I’ve not been to for a while, ran round in the fresh air and felt the cares of the week fall away. I couldn’t find any veggie haggis for my Burns supper, which as a Scot was very traumatic! I had to make do with just the neeps and tatties, with a Linda McCartney sausage providing the great chieftain o’the puddin’race

And obviously, no wee dram to wash it down