Anyone else stopping completely in 2020?

[Drybird2020]

I don't mean moderating or cutting down, I know that I can't control my drinking this way and I need to stop.

I have stopped for periods of time before and enjoyed the peace of not thinking about alcohol, or stressing about my consumption, or negotiating with myself about whether or not to get a bottle of wine on the way home on a Wednesday night.
There's no point in doing dry January, because I will just use it to justify a wet February.

There used to be a series of threads for total abstinence, think it was in Relationships but it seems to have tailed off. I could really do with a place to talk about this, but with an emphasis on being dry, not moderate. And if nobody else is keen I can use it as somewhere to witter away to myself.

Nice one Trees!
Shingle I hope you're on the mend. However bad stomach bugs might be, I can comfort myself with the thought of the weight loss. But I am shallow 🙄

stir congrats on turning to cake at a tricky time!

January is almost done, hurrah! I won't miss it.

Oh House I'm jealous of your swim at Bath! I adore Bath but have never been to the Baths themselves. Hope you're enjoying yourself, soberly.

Checking in. So very tired. Nothing to do with booze, but work is very trying right now. Unlike trees (well done by the way!) my work appraisal today was weird and demoralising.

Not tempted to drink, though, at least. I managed to keep my chocolate buttons to myself, sorry you lost yours stircrazy. I am eating more sweet things than I used to, I have noticed. But I don’t worry about it too much.

I’m going to a 40th in a couple of weeks, too, drybird, it’s drinks in a pub with a crowd so I need to start practicing my strategies. Birthday girl will not be impressed by my abstinence. I will struggle because aimless pub based evenings with large groups of which I only know 2 others are not my idea of fun even with copious booze to block out how much fun I’m not having 😭

Day 27. Nearly a month! Am so proud.

Sophocles sending a hug. Hope tomorrow is better and congrats on 27 days! Absolutely amazing.

Dry it was rather indulgent...and £37! But worth it.

Am already tucked up in my big, quiet hotel bed with a green tea. No AF at all!

I mean 100% AF of course!

My brain is telling me I've made a huge mistake...that I don't want to be teetotal...that my boyfriend will dump me if I stop drinking...help

@MyGhastIsFlabbered no, don't listen! That's the wine witch, whispering self-destructive things in your ear.

I found it very helpful in the early days to read quit lit - a good bit of brainwashing helped me along. Clare Pooley's book The Sober Diaries was my fave.

Write down a list of reasons why you want to give up - the awful, embarrassing ones, moments you've done dreadful things, days you've spent cringing at your drunken antics of the night before. And think about if you want to go on like that.

Well done everyone doing so well. I have a sore throat and feel a bug coming on - obviously I'm convinced it's coronavirus. Where I am in London, I'm seeing lots of Chinese people in masks which is slightly unnerving. Another reason to stay AF - my immune system will be stronger that way!

@HouseTornado enjoy Bath - I know it very well and love it. Fabulous place - I gave up smoking when I lived there. Remember lying in bed and letting Allen Carr's book brainwash me. Best decision I ever made, that! Good luck in your presentation tomorrow.

Thanks house, feeling brighter this morning. Swim, dinner and a night in a hotel sounds wonderful. Drinking in a hotel room while watching telly lying in bed is a big temptation, or it is for me anyway, so well done on staying strong!

How are you feeling this morning, myghast? If you’re a podcast listener, can I recommend This Naked Mind for some help with those thoughts? She is very good at peeling back the layers of thoughts and assumptions that we have around alcohol.

I’ve also been using an app called Quit by Andrew Johnson. It’s a relaxation/guided meditation thing where a man with a lovely soft Scots accent lulls and soothes you to a state of deep relaxation while subtly indoctrinating you to stop drinking. I love it! I listen to it last thing, and to be honest, I’ve only got to the end of it a couple of times, because mostly I’m fast asleep by about ten minutes in he says not to worry about it, because my subconscious is taking it all in anyway... and hey, guess what? I haven’t drunk anything in 28 days, so maybe he’s right?

Ok so reasons to stay sober:

1. Physical health - undeniable
2. Mental health - again undeniable
3. Money - not only is alcohol expensive but drunk me likes to shop for things sober me knows I can't afford
4. Weight loss - drunk me loves snacking
5. Sex - my boyfriend and I only see each other at weekends and the number of times one of us has fallen asleep/passed out due to alcohol and missed the opportunity to have sex. Sorry to lower the tone but it's a fact.
6. No more beer fear - we've all been there
7. No more hangovers - they get worse as I get older
8. No more risk of driving over the limit - either the next day or whenever
9. No more worrying about getting home from a night out

10. Setting a good example to my children

I'm sure there are more but phew that was cathartic

Morning all, still going strong here.. just very busy with work and life so haven't caught u for a few days!

Day 29 here AF.. feeling the benefits most definitely 😊

Keep going all xx

Well done @MyGhastIsFlabbered - great list. I also recommend Catherine gray, the W expected joy of being sober - (tho it is a marmite book- I have seen other posters really not like it). I thought of you because she talks about booze and relationships with men.
I’m sorry appraisal was hard @SophoclesTheFox- that sort of thing really leaves me wanting a drink and we’ll done for staying strong.
The vomiting bug is rampaging through the family. All but one have had it now and he’s feeling sick. We’ve never had this before and it is grim. In the upside alcohol is the last thing I feel like.

MyGhast, all great reasons. It sounds like you might be using willpower as your main resource - do get some good books under your belt to help you understand what’s going on in your head and body when you feel you need a drink. That and the Alcohol Experiment are really helpful for me.

The awfulness of being immediately post- horrific drunken evening wears off and you stop remembering why you started or minimise it. I also needed a logical explanation about why I have decided not to drink anymore - and for me it is more about not falling back into the social weirdness that is regularly deliberately poisoning myself than anything else. I also feel so much better without alcohol in my life.

So do try to get some wrap round informational support! It definitely helped me in the first few days. Alcohol lied to me is good. And the Sober Diaries
I’m sure others also have suggestions
Have a great day everyone

I keep thinking of that Friends episode with 'Fun Bobby' though.

Just checking in ladies,, today would have been day 29 but unfortunately I'm back on day 1 as I had a very stressful day yesterday which resulted in me having 4 beers woke up at 5.30am and lay wide awake, after having full nights sleep every night. Not worth it. I'm so annoyed but I am back to day 1 and that is the reality. No use beating myself up so I'm going to be really kind to myself and make sure my inner voice is really kind to me today too.

What I've learned is that drinking didnt fix the stress, it gave me a short fix of feeling relaxed and then woke me up in the night feeling sad, anxious and worse that before.

Have a good day ladies

@Boots well done for getting straight back on it. I'm sure if I slipped I'd use it as an excuse to drink for a bit.

It's a lovely day today in London but as I'm feeling a bit under the weather I'm not going to make the most of it and run in my lunchbreak.

@Vagmons are you there? I wondered how you got on with your party. Such a test.

Love your list @MyGhastIsFlabbered - really helpful to read and I agree with all your points. And @TreesSandSea you're so right about the feeling of desperately wanting to give up wearing off after the early days. I definitely have had days when I think ok, I'm fine, I'm ready to drink again, and they are hard to get throuh.

@Growingboys - I’m here and sort of lurking! But all well and Day 10 almost done. The party went very well. It helped I had a non-drinking friend around.

I have been travelling a lot for work. I work in development so I am not travelling to glamorous places but it can sometimes mean post-work beers. But not this time!

I need to read some of the books I am seeing everyone mention.

I am using the Stay Dry app but it is a bit glitchy - does anyone else use it and find the same? Or other recommendations? I like seeing the calorie count!

Happy AF days to all!

And thank you @MyGhastIsFlabbered- great list!

@vagmons well done, I've been thinking about you too - the party sounded like such a challenge.
I use Iamsober app, which I like alot - but I don't think it has a calorie count.
@Boots20 well done on getting straight back on it. are there other things you could have in place to go to when the stress strikes? run? walk? knit? Jigsaw? love island? whatever works.
I like the idea that not drinking is the main thing I have to do at the moment, I can be a bit selfish about it and everything else comes second. I can leave a party early, or go to bed early and tell kids to sort themselves out, or just say no to lots of things and focus on staying sober.
it's a gorgeous day in London (hello @Growingboys) but I'm still under the weather and won't be venturing out. Part of me is enjoying just holing up at home and making sure we all get better.

I've downloaded Sober Grid but as an
Agnostic I'm finding it a bit too god-centric. Are there any more secular apps?

Try Iamsober @MyGhastIsFlabbered?

Wow well done @vagmons nice one! So good to get through it - will give you so much confidence.

I use the Sober Time app but it's pretty boring as I didn't drink that much to start with (my problem was stopping once I started). So it only measures my days, but I find it satisfying to see the timer whizzing round.

hello @shingle! I wish I were at home. Could really do with a day in bed tapping at my laptop.

My phone broke so I got a new one and then put my sim card through the wash as it was in my jeans pocket. So now I have a new SIM card too and am watching my new phone come to life. Very boring life admin that I might enjoy if I were my 12 yr old son, esp the sales chat from the man who wanted £732 off me to upgrade to an iphone 11. I said no I'll stick with my old one and thought that made me a granny.

Just saying hello. Day 29 here and getting a bit nervous about the end of January - that was my first goal. Do you think just carry on into feb and see how it goes or are you all telling yourselves you've given up for good? My partner did dry January with me but he doesn't have a problem with moderation and will no doubt be buying some delicious and expensive red wine at the weekend and I know I'll be tempted.

I'm really enjoying not drinking but other than one dinner out haven't had any challenging moments.

Well done to everyone - I read this thread every day to see how it's going. I'm amazed at the support here it's lovely to see.

Hmmm. I might stick with Stay Dry and hope the glitch is worked out.

Another challenge this weekend: a race weekend. I don’t do them often (ever!) now but we’re going in a big group to a beach place for a race. Luckily a(mother) friend who is not drinking is coming.

I feel I am getting a bit ragey a bit quicker at the moment. Hmm. Hopefully that calms down.

Sorry - it is called Try Dry!

Day 5, so still with you. I can feel a creeping case of the “fuck its” coming on, though.

How did people deal with their first proper cravings?

Hi @hobbit - I replaced the drinking routines, made new sober comforting ones and kept busy, nurturing myself almost.

Watched films/tv programmes that I would've missed the end of or the plot if I was drinking.
Read shit loads of books (and not ones all about alcohol) bought lots with the money I have saved and also joined the library, I recall the last paragraph/page read.
Keeping mentally occupied is key imo during your old drinking times. I found once I was past 9pm, I was essentially done for the day and bedtime loomed, another night sober done.

37 days here, it feels good like I've found me again, one I barely recognise from 30 or so years ago. This feeling is keeping me determined.

New day, fresh determination.