Wankerbastards will upset us that try, but we will still be dry. Or dryer at a push. It's a good job we are not in a rush.

[Frouby]

Thread 6 for the Tryers to be Dryers.

Support thread for reducing alcohol, stopping alcohol, monitoring alcohol. All welcome, absolutely no judgement. Whatever your aims with alcohol come and join us here. Lots of swearing but no judging or criticising.

Previous threads dotted around but can never do clicky links.

Hi everyone.

I go awol for a couple of days and you’ve all moved on so much!!

Frouby what a gorgeous pic of dd. She looks so bright and happy. Lovely 😊

Longest - wow that’s incredible the moon cup sucked out the coil!! Rubbish about periods. I’m sure I’m peri menopausal. Feel hideous these days when my period is about. Properly flu like.

Senseless - sounds like your going through an awful time. I’m sure you’re not boring your friends. If they’re true friends, they will
Want to see you happy and be willing to help you. Lovely about the roses. I bet they’re colour in a grey time. Hope things look brighter soon for you 💐

Dion 💐

Hi everyone else. Will do proper personals soon.

Feeling so very tired and useless right now. Last week was utterly awful. One of the worst I’ve had. The big row with dh, that I still can’t get out of my mind. Then the hospital trip away with dd. Then my mother being damn right hurtful. Dd then went on a lads weekend. Got home Monday to me so exhausted emotionally and physically. He thought I was still angry re the row last week so got defensive. And this continued last night. I was so tired that I just sat on the sofa and sobbed. Dh and dd’s just looked at me as if I’d gone bonkers!! They’re used to me being the pillar of strength, the one who does simply everything for everyone. I just feel broken.
Anyway was AF last night. Probably because I didn’t have the strength to lift the bloody glass!!
Deliberating about tonight tho. Won’t be white wine, may be a glass of red with my pasta. I’d like to get Day two in the bag tho!! That would be a rarity!!

Welcome back Flossie, sorry you are feeling so tired and anxious, you have so much to deal with it's hardly surprising.

Am on my second glass of wine and really enjoying it. Had scrambled eggs and beans on toast for dinner 😂😂. Was lush and so quick and easy.

DH is really really fucking annoying me 😶. He's already gone to bed. It's fucking 7.30pm. He's really trying not to drink, but as his 2 favourite things are drinking and laying on the bed watching shite tv, he's chosing the second. He's had 3 cans tonight, which are his first drinks since Saturday and a massive, massive improvement on what he was previously drinking so I don't want to complain too much and him say 'well I might as well get pissed then'.

But it's fucking annoying. We are not children and I would like to actually have some adult conversation in the day. Still, at least I have the tv remote, not that there is anything worth watching.

But if this carries on to next week I am going to start working mon and wed evenings. Instead of in the day that way I can go riding mon and wed morning. Or while it's summer go riding in the evenings!

BabyPony was a brat today as well. Didn't want to work because her mates were on the nice bit of grass she wanted to stay on. So that made me work up a sweat. Then I had a meeting at dds school about her upcoming Somme Battlefields trip.

I have to say it looks absolutely amazing. They are cramming so much into a few days, loads of cemeteries and trenches and museums. I would love to do a similar trip at some point, maybe when ds is older.

Dd is in good form now exams are over. Like a different kid, bright and happy and confident again. Shes a good kid most of the time.

Anyway, enough moaning from me. Hows everyone else doing? Are we counting down to the 6 weeks holidays? Am quite looking forward to them, no school runs, no cramming everything into 6 hours, lots of lovely lie ins if ds cooperates which I bet he does.

Awww just a pm of my ndns lad, he had said he couldn't come kayaking Saturday because he had a pre season football match to watch.

He was wondering if he could come and get a lift into town after, so he could make the kick off, he really enjoyed it and couldn't wait to get back on the lake.

Bless him. I love my ndn, shes one of my closest friends, but she's been on her own with him for years and worked and struggled I think to do stuff like this with him, and he is the sort of kid who needs something. A bit like ds who would turn feral without activities.

So hope he carries on, he's at such a funny age that something like this can really can make a difference.

Frouby, you're a star to your NDN kid.

I am so pissed off with dd1 that I am almost wishing she was still with her dad :( wouldn't admit that anywhere else.

I am dreading summer, honestly. To mash up a popular phrase, she's behaving like the kind of kid that you say you're taking her to tenerife and she wants to know why it's not elevenerife. (not that I can really afford to take them anywhere.) I'm worried about money among other things and I just wish I could get a little gratitude for the stuff that I do manage.

The kids' school asked them to make a poster completing a sentence starting with "I shine when -" dd1 wrote something like "I'm sticking up for my friends." (It's true, she is fierce about justice and a strong verbal fighter!) dd2 wrote "when 'm playing music." I said "I don't really shine when I do anything, do I?" not in a sad way, just thinking I'm not very special. dd2 said "you shine when you're a mummy!" and I thought I would die of gratitude.

Better go and make friends with dd1 now. She's furious that I asked her to get ready for bed and then insisted.

I've had the tiniest whisky. less than a pub shot. It'll do me.

Sorry about all the me me me me me me me. Especially meant to acknowledge Flossie. More later. x

Ahhh senseless kids will drive you up the wall. How old is she again? It does get easier, dd had bratty tendencies at one point and took everything she had and did for granted and always wanted a bit more.

But at almost 15 she is learning. Told her tonight that any clothes she wanted for Somme trip had to come out of her money or I would buy clothes and she could take her own spending money (100 euros). In the past this would have caused a flounce but she was ok. I also pointed out that it was costing £500 with trip cost and spending money, and during school holidays I may want to take ds on some day trips with a school run mum friend who doesn't like driving far, so I expected her to understand that she had had a holiday and ds probably won't, and I wouldn't be able to squash them all in car. And she was ok with that as well.

So they do get more gracious and less grabby.

I found transferring spending money (in exchange for chores) into her bank account made a big difference to her attitude towards money. She still can be a bit entitled but much better than she was.

Thanks Frouby. She's 10. She is a good kid really but certain things cause a flare up of entitled behaviour. Tiredness; competition with her sister. I've been thinking about chores and money actually. I think we need a system that will position taking responsibility as something with a bit of cred and prestige.

Hi Flossie. Just re-reading your post - that all sounds like such a lot. Not surprising you're feeling really drained. When I was with exP I used to find rowing made me feel weak for days as if I had been ill. And there's other stuff on top of that. Sorry to bust out this MN cliche but have you thought about counselling? Things like: he got defensive because you weren't all sunshine and sparkle when exhausted - that's a communicatino thing that perhaps a decent counsellor could help work through?

The thing of just sitting and crying with tiredness - I've done that. It's horrible and you feel like your soul is leaving your body.

The AF time will boost your energy levels. I hope you get some good sleep and feel better soon.

I'm heading to bed later than I meant to after a mini work out and some phone chatting. I feel the size of a house - how did all this weight creep on? My birthday in september - don't want to be this big then.

Good night everyone x

Morning guys, urgh had a few glasses (a bottle) of wine last night. Had been doing really well but the kids were out and dp and I just fancied one. No dramas, in fact it was quite nice to just chill. I guess drinking at home isn't really my problem - although I must admit a bottle here and there was becoming a bit too regular a few months back. My main problem is binge drinking when out and getting myself in a state and making problems for myself. I haven't done this in a very long time so that's one good thing.

So no harm done but still feel a bit let down with myself and have that familiar thick head and dry mouth this morning. When I haven't drank the night before I feel so much more motivated and ready to take on the day. Even when I'm not hungover as such I still feel tired and just not with it quite so much.

I've downloaded the dry days app to try and monitor how many days I'm drinking and not drinking. It tells you how much you've spent in terms of units, money and calories so I think it'll be a really useful tool.

Hope everyone else is good today. It's nice to hear your stories and hear about your lives :) work for me today and then hopefully a bbq with dp tonight so let's try and keep dry for that!!

Senseless, thanks for your lovely message. Yes an arguement can certainly wipe me out for says too. Just need to stop for a mo tho and catch up on sleep etc. Roll on weekend!!
As for girls stropping..my dd1 is 13 and can be a right madam!! She can tie me in knots on the backchat front!! I hate it!! Always got to have the last word!! I do think they weave in and out of phases tho.

Frouby - your daughter sounds like a well balanced thoughtful girl. It’s lovely she has such strong interests.

Dirty - yes that clear headed feeling the morning after an af night is fab isn’t it!! I don’t know why we don’t all use that and try it more!! I certainly have a missed link somewhere where I can’t for some reason. Have a good bbq this eve.

So I had one large glass of red last night. So deffo moderation. Would’ve liked to have been af but was definately not off the rails so won’t beat myself up about it.
Got another mental day today. Just want to be home and resting up but am on the go constantly!!
Anyway..have lovely day everyone. The sun is shining here this morning which always makes everything feel better.

Flossie, so glad things are looking up today after your truly awful week, and well done on awesome moderation.

Hmm, school hols. I am in two minds. Generally I find I enjoy the first few weeks and then everything turns a bit Lord of the Flies and I can't wait for some order to be imposed and a bit of separation. I also will still be working until we go on holiday so there are actually extra logistics of holiday clubs and playdates and lift shares to sort out. I am looking forward to some more relaxed days on my days off though, and a bit of a break from all the admin of school and activities - cake sales and Brownie uniform and tins for cooking and oh by the way we need a raffle prize and you owe money for trip which involves looking for password for online account, and school settling in meetings and sports days to attend and agh! There'll be some of this for holiday club but there'll be a break from homework and violin lessons and woodcraft (which I love but we have to run it ourselves so you have to put in quite a lot of effort and mental energy).

And work should ease up a tad because Parliament goes into recess at the same time as schools and a lot of the things I am working on are driven by Parliamentary deadlines. In some ways I am enjoying the crazy pace at the moment as it leaves less room for the boring bits, but there are too many spinning plates - it's not sustainable. A bit of let up will be good.

But there's quite a lot to get through before then and I still haven't sorted all my childcare out. Saw an awesome looking holiday camp that involves aerial circus skills in trees, which is so far up dd1's street it is not funny, and it is only £20ish a day but dd1 will be a week shy of the minimum age and I have already booked a pony day in the middle of it with a friend that I'd have to move. Will mull.

Was not AF. Shared bottle with DH. Could be worse. Will be AF tonight as DH out. Very moderate friend and pregnant dsis here at weekend so hope to keep myself on track.

Hi all,

Joining up please!

Read a few of your recent posts. Sadly I think I identify most with@Frouby dh! Having started drinking at age 15 most weekends, I'm now 40+ & haven't really stopped 😬. Trying to lower midweek drinking. I'm terrible with wine, I just absolutely love it & could cheerfully drink a bottle a night, I've always had a sod it, life is for living attitude which sends my modicum of willpower packing asap. I'm part of a wine club too which doesn't help, although we don't meet July & Aug.

Perhaps if I could drink beer it make make my intake less, I don't know.

Anyway, here in NI school summer hols are July & Aug so that's good but I'm a childminder so still working 3 days each week which takes its toll!

I'm also v overweight, (which is normal, but at my heaviest ever the last 2 years odd) & want to tackle this. I also love crisps & when the drink's in, the wit's out so hoping cutting back has a knock on effect!

Off to make tea now, ds who is 9 has decided he doesn't eat red meat anymore & I hadn't realised how much more of a pain this was going to be in terms of cooking. Think I'll just have the rest of us off red meat too, although dd5 just loves sausages. Ugh.

Off to get the app as I like to see progress. I had agreed with dh a few weeks ago that I'd allow myself £2 fun money for every AF day as that would be cheaper than the £8 bottle of wine would be & then could treat myself to something nice. Off to a dinner tomorrow & have volunteered to drive.

I have now read everything I had missed.

Flossie, what a horrible week you had. Hugs to you. I am glad the sunshine makes you feel a bit better, though you are dealing with so much.

Frouby, you are just such a star in every way. Your DC are both gorgeous. And your NDN's son is very lucky.

Longest, I loved what you wrote about your DH and music and your 'proper' anniversary. Not to mention the coil-sucking Mooncup.

Hello, Dirty. I have been absent due to problems with DP (unresolved). I feel very broken and unhappy, but this thread is a lifeline. Like others, I seem to compensate for AF nights by drinking more on the others. Which is just stupid. Also like others, I love the feeling of waking up clear-headed, without having suffered from all the horrible 3AM beer fear. I know I've felt worse today because I drank so much last night. At least it was easy to be AF, as it always tends to be when I've overdone it yet again.

I'm going to try to keep up properly now. It's a shame this has all coincided with the first week of the school holidays (which I've been dreading anyway - 10 weeks of DC loafing around is no joke. However, I think DD has got a p/t holiday job, so that's something - not least as she is being so repulsive ATM. Being 15 seems to have made her even more entitled and stroppy).

Welcome buck. I am glad someone can relate to my dh, cos I bloody can't 😂😂😂. Having said that he has really tried this week. He had 3 cans yesterday, and about 6 tonight I think which is a massive improvement on 6 to 8 a night.

He's on the shit list again though by making plans without consulting me to see if I want to do them. He's invited our very lovely friends over for drinks and a takeaway tomorrow. Love my friends, but the house is a tip and I was planning to work all day tomorrow after doing the ponies in the morning as dh finishes early so can collect ds and feed the chooks.

Have told him I am working all day and have to get to ponies so he will have to make house visitor ready when he's done work. He pulled a few faces and suggested I could clean instead of ponies. Said why should I do that when he has arranged visitors and his invite, his responsibility. And ponies is for the dcs to keep them ticking over while they are at school so they can ride at the weekend. And to keep them fit and healthy.

So he's cleaning tomorrow which will annoy me to fuck, but not as much as actually cleaning so it's all good.

Haven't been kayaking tonight. Ds is absolutely knackered, it was his first induction day to year 1 so that takes a lot out of them and he just looked drained and shattered so told him it was cancelled. He wasn't very happy but he's got day 2 tomorrow so made an executive decision and he's going Saturday morning so it's only 2 days away.

Not dry tonight, really fancied a beer. Have done ponies and then worked then a good hour on allotment weeding and watering. Had 3 Budweisers and sent dh to chippy for dinner 😂😂😂. Am bloody knackered and couldn't be arsed to start cooking. Last few weeks have been really busy and am so ready for school holidays.

Hello everyone! Welcome buckeejit and welcome back Dionysia, we have missed you!

Work utterly, utterly ridiculous today in terms of competing unmanageable deadlines, interaction with scary big boss and general terror. Have to go and get grilled by a pile of judges tomorrow on something I have had no time to get properly on top of so shitting myself but so utterly drained I can't think straight so no point trying now. Will have to wing it.

Have been trying to resist wine temptation all evening. Friend I was moaning to about work stress keeps sending me pictures of wine, then DH started up. Finally caved and now he says there's none cold. Having nanny state. Annoyed and relieved in equal measure.

Frouby mine are done in too. Just too much going on. Dd2 shrieked at me all through her bath. Dd1 is in zombified state where I have to keep telling at her to actually get any response. Think we are all running on adrenaline and will crash.

I’m dreading the school hols. My boys are so messy and I have to work. DS1 is fine so long as the weather’s good. He lives at the skatepark with his mates, but DS2 will sit on the PS4 snacking on junk and leaving wrappers all over the front room if left to his own devices.
I hate coming home to that.
He’s too old for holiday clubs, but his friends don’t seem to want to go out with him. It’s tricky.

That in between age does sound really tricky to manage NC4. Round here there are loads of things that a bored teenager could in theory get involved with that aren't strictly childcare but would keep them out of trouble- theatre and dance workshops and coding courses and the watersports centre, volunteering opportunities, music stuff. I saw some cool science and architecture workshops in central London. But a) I know I am lucky with the variety of stuff going on and b) it does rely on having one of those unusual teenagers who either has some kind of passion or is willing to give some new things a try and that's not how I remember my teenage years. I guess he's too young to earn any money like Dion's DD. Might he be tempted to go along to any kind of club as s "helper"? Good luck!

Morning all,
Crikey all this talk of school holidays has reminded me I've made little to no childcare arrangements yet. I'm so unorganised. Dreading it too. Am totally skint at the minute and keeping ds7 occupied on a budget will not be easy!

Annoyed myself by having a cider last night. It barely touches me so not worth having and just means that i can't put AF down on my dry days app (which is making for quite depressing viewing atm). Usually have a few drinks over the weekend with dp at home but will moderate that this weekend. Ready for a good rest!

Hoping to get some useful things done around the house, maybe have a clear out and see what stuff I can car boot or eBay. Do some reading and generally just chill. Ds is at his dads so might even get a lie in!

I’d love him to go to something like that Longest but he flat refuses. I don’t know if it’s his autism of if he’s just plain antisocial.
If there was a coding club or something computery he might go, but it would be a push to get him there the first time.
He goes to Belong at our local game store and plays the games there, which is what he does at home really, but I figure he has to get himself into town, go to the bank for his money, book his session etc so it’s all life skills practice, even if it is just to play Battlefront somewhere else 😂

Sounds like a good solution re DS, Frouby.

Glad you didn't succumb in the end, Longest.

NC4, my DS used to switch gaming venues, too. At least it was a change of scenery. Sigh.

Dirty, I completely get that feeling of 'why did I bother'? One drink that doesn't even touch the sides. What is the point?? Okay, so it's moderation - but I then think I might as well have had a Becks Blue or something completely AF instead.

Very miserable. When I think about it, it seems that I am absolutely in the wrong about everything, all the time. The DC never stop telling me so. DP makes it clear that I'm defective. My parents are terminally pissed off with me (I am made to feel like the black sheep of the family, for no particular reason other than I haven't done things exactly as they wanted me to. That's a bit unfair, as they 're lovely in so many ways - just a bit controlling). Permanently in the wrong is a shit and very lonely place to be.

Hi all

Longest - really good luck today on meeting the judges. You can do it!! Winging it is often the best way. Thinking of you. Let us know how it went.

NC4 - I really remember that stage well with ds. The lazing around in front of gaming, chomping on crap and throwing wrappers on floor. Empty glasses tipped over etc. Drove me to utter despair!! Mainly because I’m a clean freak. I was sure he did it to wind me up!! A gaming club sounds like a good idea. At least you will be spared the mess.

Dirty - I too get pissed off with myself when I have one drink and it doesn’t touch the sides. Such a waste of units!! Having said that, if I hug a glass of red, it’s a comfort so seems to work better than me downing a glass of white and then having nothing to fill the gap.

Dion - I’m so sorry your family are making you feel this way. Looking in on the situation from afar..I’m guessing they do this because you are so kind natured that they can get away with it. It’s easy to hurt those closest to you. And it’s even easier if they don’t answer back. They all seem to be dumping their shit on your doorstep because they know you’re too kind to shut the door in their face. You need to take some time for you. Lock yourself away and think of yourself as if you are your own friend. How would you treat that friend? How would you boost their esteem? Then work on that. Take care of yourself and give yourself a boost. You deserve so much more. You ooze warmth on this thread. They are very lucky people.
My mum constantly saw the wrong in me last week and it took me back to being a vulnerable child. I felt lost. So I totally empathise. I’m reaching out with a mahoosive hug 🤗

Oh Dion I feel for you so hard.

"Permanently in the wrong is a shit and very lonely place to be."

I so know what you mean. I had that with my ex. If you think your DP thinks you are "defective" I am not sure he is the right guy for you. I had no idea how much my ex was destroying my self esteem because I just got used to it.

In my life it's my kids and work who make me feel constantly not good enough. But my friends and my boyfriend make me feel great. You need people in your life who will bring you up, not put you down. You deserve it.

Great advice from Flossie.

I drank... 2 (TWO) bottles of wine last night. Starting early, around 6 while the kids still up, sank one before they went to bed and cracked the other one open after. What a dick. Guess what, don't feel great today. I won't be drinking tonight (though I could - not feeling that bad). the idiotic reason for it was... I felt good. I had an easy day at work, relieved to have made it back after being ill; lovely funny texts from friends and boyfriend; feeling like I'm finally shaking this illness; and the sun was out and the wine called me. What a total dick.

I feel hollow and sad today because that much alcohol is bad for my head. I'm going to get my head down, do a ton of work and wake up feeling better tomorrow.

Longest - good luck today.

Solidarity to everyone with trepidation for the school holidays.

Aw you lovely bunch. You are so nice to respond to my ramblings. Meeting was a bit shit, as anticipated, but I don't feel it was totally my fault. The awkward silences were around things I had already warned needed to be bottomed out before we could sound convincing, and the general theme was we needed to scale back the ambition, which I think is roughly what I had already advised, although I was trying to put a note helpful spin on things. Anyway, i had showed willing by turning up on my day off which I think was appreciated, and I have an old school friend and my dsis and family here this evening, which has been a laugh, though I obviously drank far more than my fair share of the wine. Dfriend met me straight out of meeting and noticed I seemed totally shell shocked so genuinely don't think meeting went that well, but I do feel like it was a team performance and I am not being blamed, or to blame, so mostly just relieved it's over, and the week in general as it's been a shocker really in terms of relentless bombardment of pressure.

Dion, I totally feel for you with the family stuff. I think families do have a particular line in tactlessness. I think they feel entitled to criticise as they see you am extension of themselves but it's not right, fair or healthy. I agree with senseless that your dp should not be making you feel this way. Building on a conversation we had on here I told DH off this morning for making me feel shit about something. It was a variation on a theme i have been flogging for ages: that I feel aggrieved to be held to standards that don't apply two ways (this time re being late to get kids ready when I was massively stressed trying to deal with work email) but I quoted Flossie and said my DH was supposed to make me feel better about myself, not worse. I think the message struck home. Will see.

@SenselessUbiquity I also had a bit to drink last night. I have sort of planned it as dp and I do enjoy a nice relaxing drink on the weekend but I'm wondering if it's just a habit I need to learn to shake. I'm definitely not drinking tonight as I have to be up really early tomorrow. It's just so easy to reach for the wine whether you're happy or sad, good day or bad. Shake it off and try again today.

@Dionysa sorry to hear you're feeling so lonely :( of course it's easy to use booze as a crutch when you feel like you're in the wrong and nobody is supporting you.

I have a lot to do today. Need to do a massive clear out and get some stuff on eBay. Got someone coming to do some work in the garden. Need to go visit the grandparents and have loads of housework to do. All of this would be a lot easier if I had a clearer head from not drinking a bottle of bloody wine last night. But I'm aiming for at least 3 or 4 consecutive dry days now.,...let's see how it goes.

Morning Longest, morning Dirty.

Yy the double standards in relationships thing!

AF last night. I ate everything in sight all day yesterday though. So so badly need to reign it in. Feel lumpy and heavy. Still not tip top health wise but better for a night off the booze.

I think it's important to acknowledge the booze's function in dealing with pressure. It's all so fucking relentless for so many of us. It's like just being able to close a door on all the shit for a while. And why it's over drinking - not just drinking. One or two drinks is just you, in your life, with a little added buzz. What you're going for is a turning it all off - just obscuring it, killing your thinking, zoning out. And that's got to be replaced somehow. Other ways of escape.

It's been quiet here. Hope you're all ok.

Have a good day everyone.

Dirty I will join you on a good few days dry.

Had half a bottle of wine Wednesday, 3 beers on thursday and 2 cans and 4 halves last night. Which isn't horrendous for a week but beer and wine sticks to my already fat belly and I feel bleurgh this morning.

Had a lovely evening though. We went out for food in the end as it's a lot easier than serving everything up and then cleaningthe next day. Went to our favourite Indian, first time we have taken our friends there and they absolutely loved it. I always worry a bit that if we recommend something and they don't like it. These friends are foodies like us so nice they enjoyed it as much as us.

Off kayaking this morning, its rainy and cooler which is a bit of a disappointment but will still be fun, and won't faze ds in the slightest as he is in and out of the water anyway.

Busy weekend with a million and 1 things to get done, then a busy week as well with hairdressers, stuff at ds school and dds birthday next Sunday.

She had some fab results from her mocks, am so proud. She has been given extra time this year due to her processing time being below average and it's really made a difference to her confidence. She got a 7 in maths, french and history. Thinks she will finish on 6 overall for science. And English which is her weakest subject, she got a 7 in literature and an 8 in language! With part of her spag paper scoring 9. She's absolutely chuffed to bits and so am I.

She's bright but has to work hard to keep up with the top set, and especially as we think she has masked dyslexia until the start of this academic year. So even more proud of her.