New Year, New Start. Probably dries and lows as we Tryers to be Dryers try 2019.

[Frouby]

New thread for the New Year.

Support thread for those who want to moderate and reduce alcohol. Absolutely no judgement, just advice and support. Absolutely everyone is welcome whatever your goals or hopes for 2019.

Am no good at clicky linke but there are previous threads and we look forward to continuing to moderate and reduce in 2019.

Especially today. 14 coming for 3 courses at 3pm and I have a raging hangover to start the year. Fml.

Did the park run again! Still practically last and was beaten by my friend who had never done it before and has a dodgy back, but I was 2 mins quicker than last week and slightly less close to death, so it's progress. My friend came back with her three boys, they played noisily but amicably with my pair, then I have been at a party with dd2 while dd1 went trampolining with a mate. All in all a reasonable day except my mum wants to come and stay this week with her dp and I've said no so there's drama in the offing. He's a controlling arse and DH hates him and was only just civil at Christmas. Good old dsis has backed me up and taken the same line though so feeling ok about it. Waiting till tomorrow to call her back though.

Am also on the bedtime countdown because DDs are both wired and shouty and I just want to sit and be quiet.

Well done on another Parkrun, Longest. Sounds as if you have had a good day.

I am knackered and counting the minutes until bedtime. But Day One is nearly over. Too knackered to drink.

Frouby, peri periods are such fun. My last one was very late and couldn't make its mind up. It continued in an inconclusive kind of way for a fortnight. Then it stopped. Then I had a one-day one nine days later. Then another one-day wonder two days after that. On the bright side, though, no pain. Sympathy to you.

Well it was pretty good till I had a row with DH and spoke to dsis, who was actually pretty upset about her exchange with DM. She had to get pretty firm, telling her she didn't trust her do with her DD and didn't like the effect he has on her drinking. DM is clearly upset/pissed off as sent very curt email but I am waiting till tomorrow to talk to her properly. Sigh. Have made up with DH at least.

Peri periods can go and fuck themselves dion. Have never been dramatic abiut periods, not quite roller skating in white hotpants cos 1. I can't roller skate and 2. I haven't done hotpants for 20 years. But always took a couple of ibu if necessary and got on with it.

It doesn't help that tampax make me feel like I am choking since dd, and even lilets feel like they are falling out after ds. They feel like tights you just want to hutch up a bit.

Had a good day in the end though. £90 profit from a mix of matched betting and punts (straightforward gamble but with a strict stratergy using a fixed bank/stake). Dh went out with £60 and came home with £50, won a football card thing in pub. Then he went to pick dominoes meal deal up and because they didn't have tuna for ds tuna pizza and they hadn't even started making it when he turned up to collect, gave it him free and chucked a tub of ice cream in too!

So we are £80 up overall, dh been out and we all had a free dominoes tea.

Can't grumble really. Just waiting for dh to fall asleep on sofa and can post that I am #soblessed 😂😂😂

My periods have always been weird. Not peri yet I don't think as am "only" 38 but I have pcos and they have always been irregular. I haven't had one for 18 months while on Mirena coil but it kind of made me want to slit my wrists so have come off it and am bracing myself for first with copper coil which can make them heavy. I do swear by a mooncup though, Mumsnet cliche that I am. So much less hassle and grimness than the other options.

Woo Frouby. #winningatlife

Longest feel your pain. We have a big family fall out brewing too. It's horrible.

Dsis with ds who has autism, pda and adhd is currently waiting for a decision on residential education. If that doesn't happen it is looking likely social services will intervene.

Dsis adamant his problems come from his diagnosed issues. Which they do but she certainly hasn't helped him. Complete lack of discipline, structure and rules. Disorganised homelife, unsuitable boyfriends since she split with her husband, yada yada yada.

My mum sticks up for her no matter what. She can do no wrong.

Other 2 dsis both said what they think ie dsis needs to work with ss, toughen up massively and sort her shit out.

Mum sticking up for dsis with ss involved, blaming ss, cahms, lea, everyone except dsis. Dsis now complaining to mum she isn't supported, we don't care, no one done fuck all etc etc. Forgetting that we have all tried to help but it doesn't make any difference because she doesn't listen and just does whats easiest.

So dn gets sent home from school, or Brought home by police, or smashes her house up and she lets him do whatever it is he is kicking off for, because then he stops kicking off. Phones one of us to moan, we say 'don't let him do x then'. Then moans we don't understand.

Anyway. Youngest dsis said she needs to work with ss, mum said dsis doing her best, youngest dsis said she isn't, mum had a go at youngest dsis, youngest dsis had a go back and now no one is talking. Sigh.

I am staying out of it all, but everyone keeps phoning me and giving their side and saying 'don't tell x I phoned tho'. And I have to pretend to know nothing .

Dnephew will end up in either residential care or with social services though and it's really sad but he is detoriating rapidly and it's not a case of if something awful happens it's a case of when now. So sad and he should have had help years ago, but dsis should have been a lot more productive.

But anyway. Familes are a pain in the arse.

Oh that is so sad Frouby. How old is DN? My oldest used to fly into a blind rage sometimes, smash things, run away etc. Strategies for kids with ASD are a bit different to some of the standard parenting but it doesn’t sound like your DSIS is really putting any boundaries in place.
It is hard but it sounds like she’s making it harder for them both.

I’ve had a nice day catching up with old uni mates. Ended up driving because trains back from Liverpool were a nightmare. Two hours and two changes in -2°. No thanks. So I’m home in my pjs with a glass of wine being pestered by the cat.

Frouby, that sounds like a good day. You are right to stay out of the family row brewing.

Lurker, I'm impressed by the run. I have never run, am massively unfit.

Dionysa, well done on day 1, that’s good.

I didn't drink yesterday and won’t drink today. I still feel rubbish from drinking on Thursday and Friday and now have a sore throat so think I have a cold coming. And as I have an interview and 2 evenings out planned this week I’m really hoping it doesnt come to anything. I am planning to drink on both those evenings.

Fab day yesterday though, had a great evening with dh. Dd had a friend here so was happy too.

I am wondering whether I could do AF. Although even writing that scares me. I re read the Catherine Gray book last night. I felt pretty good all through January and I feel shit now which could be a cold coming or could be a 2 day hangover.

So today is day 2 AF although my app tells me I'm on day 31 AF for the whole of 2019 so I'm pleased with that as I’ve only had 2 days of drinking this year. But those days made me feel shit so I'm not going to crow about it being an an achievement tbh.

Nc dn is 11. He was expelled from his first school at 7. Then again at 8. Been to 4 special schools and they can't cope with him either.

Dsis has let him down badly it has to be said. She lets him do whatever he wants. No consequences, no structure, no routine. Without his diagnosed problems he would still be a problem I think. Add in the issues he has and it's going to be a car crash eventually.

My other 2 sisters have involved themselves more in it, helped with childcare when she was working (can't now because no childcare at all), tried to help with discipline, tried to help with school etc. They have both withdrawn that help as they can't handle him at all and have their own dcs so won't have him around. And they say whatever consequences they use with him, dsis doesn't follow through with so a waste of time.

So dsis has had to do everything for herself for the last year and now it's coming to a head is blaming everyone but herself.

Other 2 sisters have never really accepted the autism diagnosis either and are being a bit victim blamey about it.

Mum is siding with dsis and dn and adamant it's no ones fault.

I am staying out of it all. Have told other dsis to stay out of it too. It's not going to end well for any of them but am just hoping that dn gets a place in this residential school. It really will be the best place for him. Social services won't be able to cope with him. Dsis already been told it will be a home and not fostercare as he is too volatile for a home environment. He will last 2 minutes in a normal home. This is a child who escaped from a 'quiet room' ie a padded cell at his last school, via the ceiling hatch, into the roof spaces and out onto the roof of the school.

Glad you had good days water andNC4. Sorry you have a family shitstorm on the horizon too Frouby. That sounds like a really impossible situation for all of you. I feel for your dsis though - probably she has just been focussing on getting through the days.

I woke up in blind panic several times, having dreamt about wild animals bring on the loose and bombs about to go off. Don't need to be Freud to know this is stress about DM again. I don't understand why she has to push every single boundary. We only just got through Christmas after a lot of compromise and then she just tried to walk over every hard fought agreement. Is the political situation on a domestic scale. I know full well she will have lied to her DP and now is in an impossible situation re telling him he's not welcome at mine or dsis's, but frankly I am fed up of always bearing the brunt of the consequences of that. It puts my marriage under enormous strain for a start. Sigh.

It does sound like residential would be the best place for him Frouby. At least they can be consistent with him.
Sorry your mum is causing friction too Longest.
I’m feeling a bit single sad. I had a lovely cuddle from an old, dear friend last night. He’s a big Welsh rugby player type. I suspect if we’d been single at uni we would have dated but as neither of us were, we just became fond friends.
Made me realise how much I miss having big man hugs.

Aw NC4. Is there any chance of a spark with your old friend? Have you any more dates coming up?

Have had narky email from my mum who now isn't answering her phone. Fed up of being the grown up tbh. Part of me would like to be more flexible but honestly it's difficult when you can't trust a word they say.

Frouby sorry, too self absorbed and missed your update. [Flowers] for you and I really hope the residential school is sorted soon xx

No, he’s married to the same woman he was with all those years ago, and they have two children, so we’ll never be more than friends. He’s happy and it’s nice to see.

I haven’t got any dates at the moment either. DS2 saw an app on my phone and flipped, saying I’m still married and how dare I do that.
The guy I was kind of seeing before a Christmas stayed here one night when they were away and I felt awful, like I was cheating on my children, so I’ll have to stay single for a while, I think.

At least ex-H has dropped back off the radar. It would be easy to go back there for the comfort and it wouldn’t be the right thing to do.

Aw, that's mean of your Ds, even though it's understandable that he's scared of change. Blended families are difficult. If my DF were still alive I'd be having none of this drama with DM!

Families are hard work full stop longest. Especially blended families but you have to do what is right for you and yours.

I am trying to avoid going to my mams at the minute, mainly to keep out of the way of the drama. If I am not there I can't have an unpopular view. And my views won't be popular with anyone. Dsis not done anywhere near enough for dnephew. Other sisters should be more understanding of nephew and his needs and limitations and understand that some of it isn't anyones fault.

So my views won't please anyone lol. Mum just been on the phone asking if I am going through today. Have said maybe, but we are now going out for sunday lunch so won't be afterall. Am going to offer to collect her on her next day off and come here instead.

Soooo. As we are going out for sunday lunch I won't be dry. Which is naughty but we go out once in a blue moon so that's not the cause of me drinking too much. Will try and make up for it in the week instead.

Crikey, what a lot of stuff we are all wading through.

Frouby, how difficult for all of you. As NC4 says, strategies for children with ASD are very different from anything that might work with neurotypical children - but I absolutely dread to think what would have become of my DS, had we not had endless structure, routine, etc (leaving aside my twat of an XH and his volatile personality). In fact, the thing that always started DS off on one of his horrendous meltdowns (and I don't just mean 'ordinary' tantrums) was invariably XH's unpredictability. I can see why it's so frustrating to watch your DSis not doing any of the things that might help your DN. Families.

On a happier note, I'm glad you are now #soblessed. I was #livingmybestlife at 4AM on Saturday when I was telling DD and her friend to SHUT UP AND GO TO BED.

NC4, it's hard. My DC just about accept DP, but only so long as there is no risk of us ever living together. They are as keen as he is to keep everything in different boxes.

And Longest... I am so sorry to read all this. How very stressful for you all. I'm glad you made up with DH at least. As for mooncups: I investigated them about 10 years ago (thanks to MN) and was told they would fall out of my fanjo. Thanks, DS.

There are now different types of menstrual cup, and even a quiz to find out what type would suit you best.

The thing is I was really happy for DM when she first met DP as she's a nightmare single too. But he turns out to be vastly unsuitable and the worst thing to have happened to our family really.

Frouby and Longest - sorry to hear of your family woes. It makes me quite sad that so many families fall out. I would give anything to have my mum, dad and sister back but sadly they’ve all passed away 🙁 My sister was my best friend and only sibling - I can’t believe it’s 6 years since I last saw/spoke to her. I miss her every day. Sorry, I am just having a bit of a down day, not helped by the large amount of alcohol I have had this weekend. An impromptu get together with friends on Friday and then a planned meet up with another group last night. It was lovely but I’m knackered today.

Waterandlemonjuice - hope you feel better soon.

Dionysa - how are you doing?

NC4Now - sending you a virtual hug.

Wow just briefly read. (Sat in supermarket car park while I send dd1 in with my bank card and a list). You all seem like you’ve got a lot of shit going on right now. So sending a big tryers to be dryers hug 🤗

We had friends over last night for dinner. Went in hot tub before we ate. Dh poured me a gin, then another one to take into the tub. I came out totally shit faced!! Reckon the hot tub made me mega pissed. Managed another glass of wine with dinner and that was it!! Woke up at 5am start naked face down on top of the bed. Can’t remember getting there!! Then had palpitations and beer fear. I think it’s the gin. I can handle wine but gin gets me!!
Feeling crap today!!

So sorry for your losses canshop. Dsis is my best friend too and is so easy to love. My DF died in 2005 but he was easy too. DM has always been hard going- emotionally needy, too much alcohol, but she's also now untrustworthy when it comes to her DP. Is horrible. At the same time I know there's a grain of truth in her side of the story and she will be feeling genuinely aggrieved. I can't see a way through really.

Flossie - I’m like you, generally ok with wine but gin gives me the fear next morning.

Longest - thanks. Sorry about your DF too. It’s sad that your mum’s DP has had a bad effect on your family. It must be v tricky for you to negotiate. I’m glad you are close to your DSis though - at least you can support each other.

I am debating a gin right now. Went out fir tea, was rubbish, am always disappointed with pub food. Had a sunday dinner. It was basically dried up yorkshire pudding, watery veg and a pile of overcooked roast potatoes and roast pork.

I am a decent cook, and my sunday dinners are much nicer so I don't know why I bother with pub ones.

Just had some mint aero to take away the gin wanting and it's not really working. Have had a can of lager and half a lager with my dinner so nothing horrendous.

canshop so sorry for your losses that must be very difficult. I have 4 sisters, they are all a pita in their own ways but I love them all very much. My closest sister was diagnosed with thyroid cancer a couple of years ago and it was a big shock to us all. I can't imagine losing them, though at times have wanted to kill them all!

We are used to family dramas though and am sure this one will blow over eventually.

longest hugs, it will sort itself out eventually.