Setting up a singles lounge for those of us adopting on our own - come join me!

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I'm a single (wannabe) adopter, with a 5yo birth child, currently wading through the marshes of Stage 1. Are there any other singletons going through the approval process at the moment who would be interested in going through the process together? I'm utterly terrified and ridiculously excited at the same time, but there's no one going through this process with me so I need somewhere to vent or I'll burst! Am I the only one?

Hello, really glad to find this group - I’m at the early stages, researching and working out how to make the life changes I need to adopt on my own. Feeling quietly excited about the prospect, though have felt like there’s a lot of stuff out there about the challenges. I want to go in eyes wide open, but it’s been lovely to see so much excitement and enthusiasm here, really encouraging. Will be dropping in again - good luck everyone, and thanks for sharing your experiences :-)

so I had my first meeting with a representative of a local authority and it generally went very well. Her only concern always with single adopters is our support network of course.
However what I found disappointing is that for all adoptions now they are looking for us to take a full year off, even if it is an older child. I was surprised as all my friends who have adopted (1 single and two couples) they only had to take 6 months off. A year is unaffordable for me especially on a single wage and especially if I am considering siblings which require more resources too.
How has everyone else coped with this?

Welcome to Munchingtwo and HavingAKitten congratulations at starting your process.

@Munchingtwo Going through the adoption process there are a lot of uncertainties. Even though they want adopters to take a year off. There maybe children that will never cope with you working even part time.
If you are do take a year off. You maybe able to get government help. If you are placed with siblings then I would enquire about adoption support allowance.

What age range were you thinking of adopting?

Welcome newbies! This journey is a crazy rollercoaster (and I haven't even reached the part where you bring your LO home yet!)

My SW is very focused on me taking a full 12 months of leave, and returning to work part-time. I've made arrangements for both, but I think it depends on how things go when your child(ren) come home, and I might shift things about when it actually happens, if bonding is going well and LO seems ready for me to go back to work earlier.

Today I met the baby girl I've been matched with for the first time! It was just incredible! I feel completely emotionally wrung out. I can't believe I now have to wait 3 weeks for panel and longer until intros (IF the match is approved!)

I'm a single adopter, my son has been home 6 years. He is nearly 14 now, nearly 8 when he came home. I had a year off and needed every last day of it. I could have done with another 6 months and even now I still work part time 3 days a week. My son does have some additional needs, but loves school and after school clubs, but even so life as a single mum is very demanding. If I had to of course I would work full time, but life works much better for both of us if I stay part time.

Don't assume that because a child is older or at school that you don't need the time off in the early days. The school day is actually quite short. There are 13 weeks of school holidays to cover. You need to adjust, re charge. Having the year off meant I didn't need to use any childcare, I didnt have to worry about school holidays, I could turn up for every special assembly, coffee morning at school. I got everything done whilst he was at school so he had my full attention from 3.15 every day and all weekend. This was really important for building our relationship.
I was very fortunate that as a civil servant, the enhanced adoption leave policy enabled me to have a year off. At the end of the day , if you can't afford it, you can't afford it, but try and have as much time as possible.
Don't forget you will get child benefit and you may get tax credits. If they insist on a year, you could ask for adoption allowance to at least cover the extra time.
I deliberately went for a job in the civil service because of the adoption policy. I had a great job which I loved in the voluntary sector, but it only had statutory allowances and whilst the pay was fine for a single person, it wouldnt have supported me going part time. I don't much like my job, but it was a sacrifice worth making to enable me to adopt.

I’m a single adopter and have just started stage 2. Panel date booked for July. Totally agree in being very excited but petrified at he same time!

Thanks for the insights all. I realise that in my case I am a freelance contractor and whilst I had planned to save enough money for 6 months, I dont have a way to stretch that to 12 months for the forseeable future. I may need to look at joining a company who offers adoption leave although in my industry it may not be easy. I must look into it as a year with no income whatsoever will not be feasible sadly. Also, the work I do cant easily be done at home and I work on site for clients.
Ted, thanks for sharing your challenges regarding how time-intensive it has been for you. Something to seriously consider. I have 3 sets of friends who have adopted and they have been mostly very easy. In fact one couple have adopted two sisters aged 3 and 2 and they are the easiest kids Ive ever met. We all look at those two little angels in awe - from very difficult circumstances they are sleeping through the night, eating everything and very cheerful. My friends with natural children havent had it that easy.
So I really need to think about how to cope financially and also moderate my expectations somewhat in terms of how long the settling-in process can be

Hi Everyone. IHope you all had a lovely Easter.

It's been a while but, I just wanted to give you a little update. Throughout my journey I was constantly worried about the sigma of being a single parent and never being matched with a child. However, I have been blessed with a LO who moved in a few months ago and is settling really well. I have had to hit the grown running. But, I'm thoroughly enjoying being a Mummy! I'm in love 😍

My advise is stay in contact with the people that you met through your adoption groups. They are invaluable when you want to either sound off to or even question yourself.

How's it everyone getting on with their journey? @exercisejunkie how are you getting on with your LO? @Folded we're on the countdown 😁

Hi!

Positives first, little one is very settled, happy and doing well, learning new words daily, showing more and more of her wonderful personality. And we have a court date for the final hearing! Very exciting.

Low points. When they tell you your child will have a huge cortisol spike when they move to you and the stress will cause a huge immune system drop - believe it! We've had everything going, virus after virus, ear infections, colds, hand foot and mouth, i'm patient but this had tested me to the limit, i love her with all my heart but caring for a frumpy sick child for the last 2 months has been tough! (She came home in nov but the last two months have been the toughest!).

Going to keep on swimming - and drink some gin!
Motherhood is a whilwhind but I wouldn't change it for the world!

Hi Exercise well your LO sounds really settled well done you. It's so lovely when you can see them grow everyday.

I'm sorry to hear that your LO has been so unwell. It sounds like you have been through the mill. But, you have got through it and well done you xx

Mine has had a constant cold paired with teething. So I understand a little of what it's like having a sickly cold.

Congratulations on your court date. So exciting. 😁

It's lovely to hear about the LOs settling in so well! All and Exercise it sounds like you're both completely natural at this! Sorry to hear about all the

My matching panel is coming up next week and I'm sooooo invested in my LO that just the thought of not being approved is terrifying! I've been prepping for panel all evening, and it'll be my focus over the weekend as well. Pretty please wish me luck!

That should have said "all the pain and grumpiness"!

Newbie here! I am a single approved adopter waiting to be matched. Riding the rollercoaster of emotions and experiencing such highs and lows. Love the positive stories of matching, can’t wait for that time. Exciting xx

How's everyone getting on?

We are 5 months in now and it feels like she has been here forever, she is at school now so I get a few hours each day to myself which I was ready for. Spending the time on cleaning, gardening and catching up on all of the paperwork but also enjoying drinking a whole cup of tea before it goes cold, having a shower for more than a couple of minutes and just sitting quietly:-)

Hi :-). I've been lurking for a while but have finally joined so I can join in. I'm a prospective older single adopter, approved for 1-2 AC aged 0-3 including F2A. I'm meeting my new SW next week for the first time.

We’re good thanks, nearly 8 months in and we have an adoption order.
Life is becoming more normal, more
Settled and generally pretty fantastic.