Setting up a singles lounge for those of us adopting on our own - come join me!

[FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding]

I'm a single (wannabe) adopter, with a 5yo birth child, currently wading through the marshes of Stage 1. Are there any other singletons going through the approval process at the moment who would be interested in going through the process together? I'm utterly terrified and ridiculously excited at the same time, but there's no one going through this process with me so I need somewhere to vent or I'll burst! Am I the only one?

Hi,

So so sorry, this weeks been a whirlwind, little one is in a foster placement 30 miles away so it's been a lot of driving, placement day is today, she's spent 3 days now at mine with me picking her up and taking her back in the evening, she's accepting comfort from me and going down for naps well so we'll see, the real hard bit starts now I think when she realises she's not going back to the FC. Very proud of how she's doing so far.
As for me, I'm ok, a bit anxious about today's handover and then how things will go over the next few days.

Good luck for handover today Exercise! It sounds like you’re both doing really well! Congrats!
p.s. If you need a place to vent or gush at any point during the crazy settling in period, you know where we are!

Hi @exercise well done you sound like you're doing a great job. Xx

How did today go @Folded I bet your daughter wowed her.

Our first night at home was back in July and I remember that feeling of putting LO to bed and reality setting in! I hope the day has gone well but don’t be too hard on yourself if it hasn’t been the perfect day and bedtime you would hope for. Those very early days are bloody hard work. X

Hi All! Thanks for asking! DD was super excited to see the social worker, and had a little list of questions she had written down for her yesterday. In the end she barely gave the SW a chance to answer each question, instead she was dragging her all over the house! We’re halfway through painting the “spare” bedroom in preparation for AC, so she insisted on taking the SW into the messy unfinished room and showing her exactly which bits she had painted! My favourite moment has to be when she reeled off a genuinely interesting fact about crocs and alligators, and just when I was getting all proud-parent-y she then added that she had learnt that fact on Octonauts!

It was a good visit though, and I had a chance to show the SW some of the adoption-themed books we’ve been reading together. She hadn’t even seen most of them! (Hat tip to MN!) Especially “Am I supposed to feel this way” by Elizabeth Archer, which is a brilliant BC’s eye view of adoption with lots of helpful discussion points.

Fingers crossed for a better vibe at my next appt (on Friday) following today.

Hi Folded that sounded great. Ha ha Your daughter has broken the ice. Here's to a happy Friday x

Hi Everyone.

I had my adoption panel last week and I have been approved. 😁

I don't think it's really hit me yet. But, my Social worker has told me to start family finding 🙂

Hope all is going well with everyone else x

Amazing! Congratulations!

Sorry for the lack of replies at present - things are veryvup and down, little one started showing signs of the grieving process for her foster carers and it's been tough, I'm getting there, it's very hard caring for a child who is struggling so much, she's so brilliant and beautiful but it breaks my heart to hear the gut wrenching screams, holding her tight helps but she does lash out and grab my face etc when she's really upset. We'll get there I know, I'm one very tired mama!!

Hi @exercise thank you.

Aww for you. It must be so heartbreaking for you to watch her like that. It will take time for both you and her to settle down. I hope that you're leaving the house work and go to bed when she does xx

Congratulations All!! 🎉👏🍾 Well done! It must be so exciting to know you could get THE call any day!!! I hope your family finding goes smoothly (and quickly!)

Exercise it's great to hear how you're getting on, although it sounds like a bit of a rollacoaster. I feel so sad for your LO, going through another separation, but so happy for you both that you finally have your forever family! Sending lots of and your way. Hang in there, there's so much love and happiness in your future!

Thank you @Folded. Yes I'm excited but really nervous. I have told my work colleagues so it seems pretty really. The problem is I need to get someone to do my job so there maybe two of us for a while.

How did you last session go?

Single adopter here too with a birth child. LO has been with me for 4 years now so I’m a bit out of touch with the process

Welcome Blue! It's always great to have an experienced perspective, thanks for joining us!! How old were your BC and AC at placement if you don't mind me asking? How is it all going 4 years in?!

Hi All. My last session was a significant improvement over the ones before it - DD seems to have really made a positive difference! My SW met my Mum shortly afterwards as well (referee interview) so hopefully my family will win her over with a charm offensive! Has it all sunk in for you now? Have you come across any profiles you might want to follow up on?

My BC was 5 when my AC was placed, she was 22 months at the time.

We’ve had our ups and downs as most people do, I think my BC was affected the most, I spent a lot of time with her talking it through and preparation for her, she was so excited about getting a new sister, but the sibling rivalry was out if this world once she realised that she wasn’t a baby she could dress up and play with. My AC is VERY strong willed, a but like the proverbial bull in a china shop

She’s had some behavioural problems but the support after adoption team have been amazing and supportive (with both my dc)

We’re having a good patch at the moment which is lovely and peace reigns in our household - for the time being

Single adopter here, matched Friday and introductions start this Friday, I think I'm still in a state of shock that it's actually happening, I was.approved for quite a while before being matched. But so excited to finally get the opportunity to be a mummy!

Welcom@KnotGrrl
How exciting for you! How old and what we'd is your child?

I'm still in the family finding stage. What questions did you asked when you initially met your child's Social worker?

@KnotGrrl sorry I forgot to add congratulations xx

My lo's family finder was my social worker so I didn't know I was being considered for linking until it had actually happened so my questions were mainly about panel and introductions, hit the ground running and it's the perfect match

Congratulations knotgrrl!!

Best of luck with everything, my little one has been home almost 3 weeks, it's been exciting, amazing, emotional, highs and lows but the feeling is incredible, I posted on Facebook the other day
"Motherhood is sitting exhausted in your child's bedroom floor with your head pressed against the bars of the cot whilst you gently pat and stroke their back to get them to sleep.

Good luck with intros, I found this hard as I knew my little Ines foster family were sad to see her go.

Hi all! Sounds like it's all go for a few of us!

Congratulations Knot! How have the first 2 days of intros gone?!

Thanks for the insight Blue. My BC is the same age your BC was when your AC arrived. I was originally aiming for a 3 year gap, but I've read a lot of recommendations for a larger age gap over the last few weeks. If you adopted again (!) would you stick with 3yrs gap? Or increase? Or even decrease?!

All how is the family finding going? Have you expressed interest in any LOs yet?

Exercise I hope everything is still going well? How different do you feel a few weeks in? Or is it still as surreal as Day 1?!

On my end I've been drowning in work (roll on adoption leave!) so I haven't been obsessing about the adoption as much as usual - which is nice! On Monday I have the first day on my Stage 2 training, which will definitely bring everything to the forefront again! I'm kinda dreading it, I'm expecting it to be an exercise in trying to scare off those not 110% committed. The Stage 1 course I attended paired me up with the only other single adopter in the room, and expected us to share deeply personal information with each other even though we had only met a minute ago. Everyone else was sharing with their significant other, and us 2 single adopters seemed to be very much an afterthought. I do hope this course is better managed. It sucks that single adopters can't bring someone with them though!!

Hi Everyone
So glad to hear everyone's progressing well. As for me I have a potential match and I will be meeting the LO SW this week. This is early stages as I am getting accessed with another couple. So I'm not getting my hope up.

@Folded what is the stage 2 course I didn't do that?

@exercise well done once again

Ooooo All! Am I allowed to get a little excited on your behalf?! How are you staying so calm?! I want to ask about age and gender, but I'll hold off until (fingers crossed) you're properly linked. Can I ask though, did you find this potential match yourself? Or the adoption register? Or did your SW bring it to you?

My LA teams up with other LAs nearby to take it in turns running a 3 day training course. Taking this course is a requirement for completing Stage 2 with my LA. I believe it's focused on the potential physical, mental and emotional difficulties that children who've experienced trauma will sometimes display. So on the one hand I'm hoping it will be useful. On the other hand, with the Stage 1 version of this course, I found my personal research had already exceeded the information they were presenting. For example one couple asked about statistics for post adoption outcomes, and the SW said they don't track that information. I had to be the one to tell the group about "Beyond the Adoption Order", the detailed report that came out in 2014. Still, this course is being run by a different team and hopefully they're better prepared.

Folded yes you can get excited for me, whilst I try and contain myself! 🙃

I have been approved for a child of either gender from the age of 0-3.

Our agency didn't do any stage 2 training. I think that was our extra homework to be captured in our self learning.