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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Setting up a singles lounge for those of us adopting on our own - come join me!

192 replies

FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding · 03/09/2017 13:23

I'm a single (wannabe) adopter, with a 5yo birth child, currently wading through the marshes of Stage 1. Are there any other singletons going through the approval process at the moment who would be interested in going through the process together? I'm utterly terrified and ridiculously excited at the same time, but there's no one going through this process with me so I need somewhere to vent or I'll burst! Am I the only one?

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PoppyStellar · 11/09/2017 13:36

Grin Congratulations!

Allgrownup3 · 11/09/2017 14:16

Congratulations @exercisejunkie. I look forward to hearing your updates xx

Allgrownup3 · 11/09/2017 14:19

@exercisejunkie Did you have Approval and Matching panel today?

exercisejunkie · 11/09/2017 15:51

Thanks all! No just approval, matching in October!

FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding · 11/09/2017 16:57

Congratulations Exercise!!! 🎉🙌🤗 That's fantastic news! You must be over the moon!!! Roll on matching panel in October. Well done!

Poppy, thank you for the wise words. I've been wondering about the parenting "advice" that might be coming my way after adoption. It was irritating (though well-intentioned) with my BC, I can only imagine it'll be even further off base for an AC. All part of the fun I guess! So lovely to hear how happy your DC makes you though. Awwwww!!!!

Thanks for the referral Ginger. Sadly I'm an old fuddy duddy when it comes to twitter, but I'm sure lots of people will benefit from you flagging that list.

Exercise, I hope you're going out to celebrate tonight?!

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sunnymam · 13/09/2017 16:23

Like @Iamthestorm I also did F2A and had my munchkin since he was one day old. Process was incredibly stressful due to uncertainty as to what would happen - but he is a delight, best thing I ever did.
Agree that self care is important and can't emphasise enough how important a strong support network is.

exercisejunkie · 18/09/2017 18:11

Hi all, frustratingly learnt today that there will have to be a 3 week delay on matching panel....was meant to be in 2 weeks and is now in 5 weeks. Just when you think the last hurdle is in sight!
The placing authority are doing a pre panel meeting on Monday and are proposing some informal meetings with little one prior to matching panel, they are not considering any other adopters and are in envisaging any issues at matching panel so are willing to facilitate this, it's going to be hard seeing them but not doing formal intros yet but I think it will benefit little one and that's what is the most important thing here.

Allgrownup3 · 18/09/2017 23:46

Hi Exercisejunkie I'm so sorry to hear about your news. The waiting is the tough bit. At least you still have a date. X

Flower20166 · 19/09/2017 19:04

Single prospective adopter here too! Being fast tracked and started stage 2..panel around December xx

exercisejunkie · 19/09/2017 19:21

Thanks all grown up, it'll happen, delays are inevitable at some point!

Welcome flowers! Why are you being fast tracked? Is there a match?

Flower20166 · 19/09/2017 19:35

Exercise, I've just messaged you x

FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding · 25/09/2017 07:06

Hi! Sorry I’ve been AWOL, it’s just been an insanely hectic week! I completed my stage 1 training and I was offered a new job - hurrah!

The job is just another role at my current employer, but it’s something I really wanted/needed (too long to get into why). Essentially I’ve been interviewing and stressing about it for weeks, so it’s a HUGE relief (still waiting for final approval on the offer though, so fingers crossed for avoiding last minute wrinkles).

Exercise - how frustrating! I’m relieved to hear they don’t anticipate any problems with the match, but you must be disappointed that the timeline has been extended. Extra time for those last few childfree 🍷 at least! Why exactly did they suggest informal meetings? Is that typical? I thought there wasn’t any contact with the child pre intros (i.e. post matching panel) unless you met at an Open Day? Is this a new policy?

Flowers - that sounds exciting! Good luck to you! I must confess I’m very intrigued, what does it take to get fasttracked?! I’ve been in Stage 1 since March and I’m only starting Stage 2 this week. (My LA have carefully manipulated the paperwork to make it seem like they’ve completed everything in 2 months though 🙄). How are you finding the process so far? Any wobbles?

The Stage 1 training course I attended was as depressing as expected. I’m trying to take it all in and really listen though, which meant I had a bit of a wobble afterwards. Between looking after DD, working full-time, and going through the last stages of getting a new role, I had a few moments of “argh how would I do this with a potentially high-needs second child?!”. Just yesterday I heard another casual mention of an adoption that was going really well though, which was heartening.

I feel as though if I was having another BC I would expect it to be incredibly difficult, but I would be confident I could handle it. With adoption there’s a huge focus on potential additional needs, but no real stats on how frequently they occur. As a person who (sadly) isn’t in a position to take on a child already identified as having higher needs, does that mean the first year will be roughly as difficult as looking after a newborn (not exactly a walk in the park!) or harder?! Of course I get that the answer is specific to the child you match with, but there’s just so much negativity around the adoption process, and so few people (who are actually part of the process) saying anything positive.

Anyway, I’ll keep going for now. I’m desperately hoping one day I’ll look back on this process and just think it was all a psychological test, and that adopting is just as hard as all the other means of expanding your family, but not the forgotten 13th labour of hercules!

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FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding · 25/09/2017 07:08

Apologies for the essay! I didn’t realise I had so much to get off my chest! 😂

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Allgrownup3 · 25/09/2017 21:22

Hi @FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding congratulations on your new job. Wow your post was long Smile

I think we do get into a panic of the unknown. I don't think anyone would be able to tell you what to expect as each child is different. We will be bringing a little stranger into our family and it will take them time to trust us. When you have your own we still go with the unknown and there's a bonding process. The only difference is that our little ones may have have previously bonded with someone else.

What age have you been considering?

FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding · 25/09/2017 22:58

Hi All! I’m hoping to be approved for a toddler, ideally around 3 years younger than my 5 (prob 6 by matching time) yo DD.

How about you? What age are you thinking about? Also, how do you talk yourself down from the tree when doubts pop up?!

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exercisejunkie · 26/09/2017 05:32

Hi all! My selection matching meeting was yesterday, it was like time stood still waiting for the call from my SW but it was good news, the match is going ahead and I literally feel like the luckiest person in the world!!
My SW is trying to bring me back down to earth - there are uncertainties around little ones future development but the key thing this process has taught me is that certain uncertainty is ok with me, it might not be for everyone but it's ok for me, (if my SW reads this I've just outed myself!!!) I've said that a bazillion times to her!

For now I'm sitting here at 5:30am sooooo excited and happy That my dream is. Iming true!

dimples76 · 26/09/2017 06:15

Congratulations Exercisejunkie!

exercisejunkie · 26/09/2017 07:06

Thanks dimple!

exercisejunkie · 26/09/2017 07:11

Folded - to answer your question re play dates, I met little one on the 31st Aug and by the time we start intros it will be the 18th Nov, coupled with this long gap and the fact that the FC is very attached and emotional about little one moving on, we decided it might be good to do this before formal intros to ease things in gently, I'm thrilled!

Allgrownup3 · 26/09/2017 19:28

Hi. I have decided that I want to give a child between the ages 0-3 a forever home.

I always question myself whether I am doing the right thing but then I think about how many child need a loving home I stop thinking about myself.

Congratulations @exercisejunkie. So happy for you. Did you go through an LA?

exercisejunkie · 26/09/2017 20:33

Hi Allgrown up - yes I'm with a LA, little one is not the same authority, the match was made on linkmaker.

FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding · 27/09/2017 06:49

Congratulations Exercise!!! That’s amazing!! I hope you’re still on cloud 9, and planning to stay there for a good long while!!!

That’s an incredibly long gap between first meeting LO and intros - what a privilege to have met already though. It must make everything sweeter and more certain! Are you nesting? Is everything ready for LO’s arrival?

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Allgrownup3 · 27/09/2017 09:57

@exercisejunkie that's great. Yours has been a really quick match. It's a shame that intros have been delayed.

Relax and Pamper yourself whilst you can. X

exercisejunkie · 27/09/2017 11:09

Hi! Yes nesting is firmly underway! Her room is done and is gorgeous, pram car seat, high chair, cotbed all purchased. I'm incredibly lucky and have been given toys, clothes loads of stuff, I've also bought bits on local selling sites so got most things ready to go,

FoldedAndUnfoldedAndUnfolding · 27/09/2017 19:59

They need so much STUFF! Soon your house will look like a tasmanian devil has whizzed through! Enjoy the ride Exercise. So exciting!

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