Two weeks of intense messaging then silence, what did I do wrong?

[joanna123457]

Hi all. Just need some unbiased advice! I’m 44 and met this guy who’s 38 a couple of weeks ago online. Initially it was lots of your gorgeous you’re a fitty and I said do you want to chat via WhatsApp. He said yes we swapped numbers then have basically chatted every day since for just over 2 weeks. Day 2 it was oh it would be better if you were here with me, we’d be up to no good etc, to be fair to him every day if he couldn’t text back until later on it he’d always text and say sorry for the delay just finished work etc.

I’ve had lots of “I’ve had such a long day need a bath and a massage from someone…could that someone be you and I can think of someone in particular that I’d like to be here - you. 🤯 so all going well. Now…radio silence. No even reading texts. I got one text yesterday morning and that’s been it.

what did I do wrong?

Dont engage in intense messaging again
If they havent asked to arrange to meet up after a couple of days move on

@joanna123457 no doubt you are an attractive woman but an alleged adult man using that term is just juvenile and embarrassing (for him)

Yeah he’s 38….

And ‘baby’ ? That’s even worse than ‘fitty’

It’s better not to move off the dating site and give out your phone number straight away. He sounds sleazy. Delete his messages, his number, block him, you’ve dodged a bullet.

OP I’m a few years older than you and I honestly cannot imagine wanting to persue something with a stranger who referred to me as a “fitty”. And then even worse started sexual chat. Complete waste of time and energy. Raise your bar higher!!

@joanna123457 he sounds as though he should be on some kind of register. what an absolute scary piece of shit he is, please block him For your own safety, everyone has given the same advice here and we are all right 🌺

If you want a relationship and not flirty chat, then go on Burned Haystacks FB or buy the book. He was giving you all the indications he wasn't considering a serious relationship at all, and you didn't pick up on that, so you need their help!

I agree with this advice 100%

Messages sound grim tbh

The last interaction was him texting at 12 am saying are you still up babe saying he couldn’t sleep as no company to give him cuddles and also…you guessed it in his words horny

What I used to do was give my rate for sex messages and offer my PayPal details. Payment upfront. In many years of chatting on dating sites no man wanted to pay the fee. Because they can get it for free on any dating site. So choose your rate and that’s the price, no negotiations. No sexy chat for free. Personally I’d block him, though.

Oh come on OP, you’re 44!! Why oh why are you still focusing on such a deadbeat guy.
You got great replies on this thread and yet you’re still messaging him. You sound desperate to be in a relationship regardless of how you are treated.
This guy is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. He’s using you.
I don’t know why you didn’t just delete his number and messages. You are chasing something that isn’t there.

Sounds married x

He’s calling you Babe and Baby because he’s trying his luck with lots of other woman and can’t be bothered to remember your name! You really need to wise up or you’ll continue to attract deadbeats!

True story! Babe gives me instant ick.

I’ve had such a long day need a bath and a massage from someone…could that someone be you and I can think of someone in particular that I’d like to be here - you. 🤯 so all going well.

If this is your idea of a convo on the way to a relationship you need a rethink.

The only blunt and true way to put it to you is that ypu should always assume that the person you are messaging is likely messaging 3-4 other people at the same time. Keeping that in mind keeps you grounded.

Oh yeah they always crop back up as well. I had a casual fling with someone online two years ago and they still message me every two months or so to say hey despite me not having replied now for about 18 months. 🤣

They’re not warm messages they’re a guy having you text him through a wank I’m afraid OP
dating apps are littered with them, they’re after one think, don’t waste your time on them in future, chat with someone more respectful with some flirting that doesn’t involve talking about imagining being in bed before you’ve even met them
also, look up love bombing

You sound vulnerable OP.

Have you never chatted to a guy you’ve met online before?

So many guys talk like this online. It’s all BS.

but you went back despite all the advice on here!! It wasn't going to get better and he wasn't ill/off on a secret mission. He was playing you and couldn't believe there was an encore.

How do you know he’s 38? I’m only asking because the sort of stuff he’s coming out with you would usually hear from someone in their 50s/60s (been there!). This is not the sort of shit that someone in their 30s or 40s would say (yep, been there too!). They will come out with stuff too, but the language is different.

He also sounds very married - the disappearing is a big giveaway.

And you sound extremely vulnerable.

You are a filler. Someone to boost his ego, to chat to and flirt with etc until he’s bored or moves on elsewhere. I dated a lot pre my partner of 8 years. it was tough and a real eye opener about how cruel people can be over apps/text etc.

what I did was make a connection, things in common, nice easy chat (no sex chat/etc) early on. And we arranged to meet for a date as that’s what we’re there for. It’s not a chat app unless that’s what you want. But I stopped any chat that wasn’t going anywhere, there was no dodgy chat/pics etc (not a prude but there’s plenty time for that with someone you’ve met/trust etc) it’s nice to flirt but op this guy is a nob, so cheesy too yuk. After my marriage broke down I was with a guy for 10 months, and looking back it was too much too soon, took a big break from dating to just be myself and work out the life I wanted on my own. I dated a bit after 3 years then met now partner who is lovely. It is tough out there, but be happy on your own first and anyone you meet should compliment that and add something to your life - not be your life.

I felt bad for you before but you seem to be the architect of your own misery at this point and you’re not doing it out of ignorance this time. He has shown you what he’s like repeatedly and you went back. Honestly Op I’m shocked you’re 44. Please get some self-respect and move on.

Many posts on this thread explained how sleazy and ill-intentioned this guy was and you seemed to be in agreement but the fact you “gave him the benefit of the doubt”, shows you didn’t actually take it in.

Once again he could be married or in a relationship! He could be any age or have a fake name/profession etc. You don’t actually know anything about him. He’s just a number in your phone and thats probably how it will stay as this man has no intention of meeting up with you or he would’ve already.

His wife found out and told him to stop! Anyone who only messages at certain times is doing so when someone else isn’t around