Two weeks of intense messaging then silence, what did I do wrong?

[joanna123457]

Hi all. Just need some unbiased advice! I’m 44 and met this guy who’s 38 a couple of weeks ago online. Initially it was lots of your gorgeous you’re a fitty and I said do you want to chat via WhatsApp. He said yes we swapped numbers then have basically chatted every day since for just over 2 weeks. Day 2 it was oh it would be better if you were here with me, we’d be up to no good etc, to be fair to him every day if he couldn’t text back until later on it he’d always text and say sorry for the delay just finished work etc.

I’ve had lots of “I’ve had such a long day need a bath and a massage from someone…could that someone be you and I can think of someone in particular that I’d like to be here - you. 🤯 so all going well. Now…radio silence. No even reading texts. I got one text yesterday morning and that’s been it.

what did I do wrong?

He’s 38 I’m 43

Oh my god, you’re addicted. You need to stop this it’s totally unhealthy. Can’t you see he’s toying with you and YOU, you have an image in your mind of the man, you’ve never even met him.

Actually I think you are just really dim sorry.

I mean I have trauma and stuff and had abusive relationships in real life but this is just a joke

How do you know that he is definitely 38? He sounds much younger. Have you ever had a video call etc or just looked at a picture that he has provided? There is a reason he doesn’t want to meet you. He is either younger/older than he is saying; not the same person as the picture you have been sent; is married and has a family etc. I hope you manage to find some happiness with someone else soon 💐

Thats a bit harsh to be fair!

I can relate unfortunately as I came out of a terrible, abusive marriage and for a short time after came across these weirdos. Think about it logically -why would anyone want to snuggle up to someone they haven’t met? Either of you may have BO or bad breath for a start. You may not have any chemistry. He is a stranger. Why would you cuddle a stranger? There are many reasons why that part alone is just a nonsense. It’s words used by him with no meaning and draw someone vulnerable in.

I don’t understand why you lowered yourself and made yourself look even more vulnerable by needing to say goodbye. That was just you calling out for him to come back. You need to stop this and do some work on yourself before you date as you won’t meet anyone decent while you are encouraging this sort of behaviour.

5 hours away is just pointless and ridiculous. You say yourself you have a problem with communication, so why would you go for someone where communication would be the whole relationship?

You are coming across as completely desperate and he is laughing at you. He’s giving you just enough crumbs to keep you dangling. All he needs to do is call you baby and he’s got you back!

Please just take some time to reflect on why you accept this nonsense and raise your standards.

When things got real? None of this is real. You have no real connection with this idiot.
You asked to move on to WhatsApp which is a bad idea.
You listened to good advice early doors and seemed to reflect that this guy is after one thing.
And you’ve fallen back into it.
You need to ask yourself this - what do I want?
If it is an immature arsehole of 38 who just wants you for online sex and lives 5 fecking hours a way and ghosts you at will, keep going.
You and every woman out there are worth far more than that.

OP, join Burned Haystacks Dating Method for free on Facebook, learn about red flags and go from there,

Or buy 'He's Just Not That Into You' and read it.

On day two of no communication, I would have blocked his phone number. Out he would have gone. I've been online, and I know it's a cesspit, but the only way to find someone who wants a relationship is to set your standards (these books and websites will help) and then ruthlessly apply them. The things I looked for were consistent communication (so doesn't have to be intense, just regular every day), no sex talk prior to meeting, as I wanted them to get to know me as a person as I want a relationship, and meeting up in person within two weeks, not promises and general chat about it.

If you had done this, and blocked him, you could be out there right now finding someone who wants a relationship, or who is available for just sex in your area! You are wasting your energy and time on this man who isn't available and is just using you for entertainment and possibly a shag if you visit his home town (where he is most definitely married or has a girlfriend, he wouldn't go quiet for 10 days if not).

Take my advice or leave it, if you want someone to cherish you, buy these books and go on these website and learn how to meet consistent men who want relationships.

only message someone nearer and meet sooner.

It’s not harsh though, you are willingly engaging with this man! Asking for advice then ignoring it! We don’t need to know how many times he messages saying “hi babe” etc, we can all see he is not interested but you seem determined to continue throwing yourself at him!

This is so strange - you’re like a broken record and I can’t work out if you’re on the wind up.

You keep repeating yourself throughout this entire thread and ignoring half of what’s been said.

We have heard what he has said to you. You now know he mugged you off. How are you going to move on from it?

Put your energy into doing self therapy or whatever. Why do you keep on going on about this ?

Exactly, this is embarssing. How many more times are we going to hear he told her to be naughty or whatever 🤦🏻‍♀️

But you haven't really 'met' him OP. You have only communicated via messages. You haven't actually met up with him and to be brutally honest he sounds like a bit of a perv.

Thanks for all the advice xx

I know. Not for want of trying. It was his suggestion within the first two days oh I’m down your way for work regularly so lunch date is on the cards then told him I’m up near him soon for work. He asked which week and then it never got past that. If he wanted to meet for a coffee he’d ask so.

Yes we know. But it never happened. Because he didn’t want to. Because he’s either married, just looking for a penpal/wankpal or he isn’t who he says he is and is testing to see how little he can give and keep you hanging on before he scams you. You’re not in the right place for online (or indeed ANY) dating, you need to toughen up, open your eyes and work on your self esteem before letting a man anywhere near you.

Bloody hell is this still going ?

I thought the same, op sadly seems to be a glutton for punishment 😩

I just came back on to answer a message, not carrying it on with him xx

You said that eight pages ago.
🤣

Ah okay, you surprise me.

Many people by their late 30s would probably think self respect is more important than a cuddle in bed.

But if you thought that, you would have dropped him the first time he messed you about (esp as it’s one of your triggers).

If you are happy with that, then go for it, but it sounds like you haven’t even met him yet so you don’t even know if he is who he says he is.