Two weeks of intense messaging then silence, what did I do wrong?

[joanna123457]

Hi all. Just need some unbiased advice! I’m 44 and met this guy who’s 38 a couple of weeks ago online. Initially it was lots of your gorgeous you’re a fitty and I said do you want to chat via WhatsApp. He said yes we swapped numbers then have basically chatted every day since for just over 2 weeks. Day 2 it was oh it would be better if you were here with me, we’d be up to no good etc, to be fair to him every day if he couldn’t text back until later on it he’d always text and say sorry for the delay just finished work etc.

I’ve had lots of “I’ve had such a long day need a bath and a massage from someone…could that someone be you and I can think of someone in particular that I’d like to be here - you. 🤯 so all going well. Now…radio silence. No even reading texts. I got one text yesterday morning and that’s been it.

what did I do wrong?

Nothing. He's avoidant or already attached or a time-waster or an arsehole. Or all of the above.

I sent a few messages saying apologies for barrage of messages.

This doesn't make any sense. You've either -

Scared him off if you've honestly sent too many messages.

Or he's -

-Not single. Could be married, an old girlfriend returned, etc. Both have happened to me. But in both cases I had met the guy.
-Used your messages for a bit of a distraction (I assume they were steamy)
-Found someone closer by or someone who's already giving him the only thing he seems to want.

No he literally told me he has no boundaries and to push them as much as I wanted in regards to messages which should have been a red flag for me to start with.

To be honest I shouldn’t have even started chatting to him, I’ve come out of a absolutely rubbish situationship that went on for a year and a half and that guy treated me awfully, I was looking for something nice in this guy that just wasn’t there I guess .

If you are looking for a committed relationship with a decent man, don’t speak to the ones who lead with comments about your physical appearance or sex talk. Also forget the ones with don’t initiate a date, and just want to ‘talk’ for weeks on end. They are probably just wasting your time/already in a relationship/playing the field like a kid in a candy shop.

He found someone closer to home to get his leg over. It sounds like that was all he was interested in anyway.
You really dodged a bullet here.
You haven’t done anything other than get your hopes up it was ever going anywhere.

I don't think you did anything wrong as such, he probably just had an agenda and you were taking too long to give him what he wanted. Your conversations don't sound like the most...deep or interesting conversations two people could have so I seriously can't imagine he was talking to you because he was serious about you.

Men who are interested don't hide that they're interested, they chase you. They ask you questions. They are proactive and want to talk to you. This guy is talking about being tired and needing a bath. He isn't it.

They weren’t warm messages he just wanted to talk dirty with you . Sorry OP but he’s probably moved on to the next one

Thanks for the advice everyone. It just annoyed me as he was always saying please don’t apologise and sorry for the delay, can’t understand why guys can be such you know what’s. He did seem nice.

He wanted sex. That's literally it.

So when I look back it was better with you here though as we’d be up to no good…I need a bath and a massage would that someone be you for the naughty massage I’d like it to be, we’d be worth the drive as we’d be so naughty,,

@joanna123457but he’d never met you!! Those words might be meaningful if you were a couple in a relationship and he was away from home and missing you, but…you’re a stranger to him! Those words mean nothing. Nothing.

You've done nothing wrong!

He's just not the correct calibre of person for you x

Forget him and move on.

x

Im betting his partner was away on holiday and now she is back...

Oh, op, if this type of ‘flirting’ reels you in, please raise your bar. You deserve so much better…

You didn’t do anything wrong. Online dating is full of time wasters like this. They are messaging multiple women like this and seeing who takes the bait for a hook up. Either that or he’s already with someone and is messaging other women for fun/as an ego boost.

Give yourself a break. Honestly OLD requires strong boundaries and resilience, I’m not sure you sound in the right place just now.

Those 'warm' messages are him testing the water to see if you're up for a hook up. If you haven't turned up for a shag after 2 weeks then he's clearly decided to stop spending energy on you and given up. You need much much better discernment if you're going to do internet dating.

5 hours away?? What were you even doing wasting time talking to him?
I revised my opinion on his motivation - he can't have been looking for a hook up, more likely that he was just enjoying the ego boost and distraction from you and now he's bored.

Exactly this. OP, if you found badly-spelled, inarticulate sex messages from a caveman who lives five hours away engaging enough to be this disappointing, you’re not in the right headspace for dating now. Leave it a while. Raise your bar.

I get it OP. It’s frustrating. But the writing was on the wall “ I’ve had such a long day need a bath and a massage from someone could that someone be you” and the stuff about being up to no good.

This is all creepy to send to a woman you’ve never met and after just two weeks. He is clearly looking for sex type chat and it would likely have escalated so you’re well rid.

What I would do from now on is chat to them for say a few days - a week maximum but then make clear you’re not into messaging for weeks when you’ve not met someone. If they are serious they will take this as their cue to invite you on a date.

The issue is about half the men on there have partners and are mainly just looking for flirty chat to boost their ego or distract them from their failing relationship/job/annoying family members etc. many won’t take the plunge to actually meet someone in person.

Then a significant number of the ones genuinely single have commitment issues and are avoidant. Again they are just looking to chat and not meet up.

When I did OLD I refused to massage some randoms (probably married) man’s ego so I’ll be personable and chatty in texts initially but if it drags on I would get a bit quieter and drier which tends to deter the ones who have no intention of meeting up.

But even then people get ghosted irl, it’s probably always been the way but I suspect it’s got worse nowadays. It’s just one of those things unfortunately.

Thanks all. I guess the first message I ever got from him of him half naked in his bed asking should he budge up should tell me it all

Yes indeed it should.
His messages were not warm, if I’d got those from someone I hadn’t met it would have made my skin crawl.

You did nothing wrong. He’s an avoidant. (Look it up - don’t go there.) Either that or someone who has communication issues. The latter might seem like a small thing but it’s the tip of an fucked-up iceberg in my experience. My dear, you are too old to be putting up with this nonsense. Be single or be with a man who’s an adult and can use his words. You do NOT want someone who texts for two weeks and then goes silent. This is how sixteen-year-olds behave. It’s extremely immature and I have the ick just reading it. Move on.

He’s 38 and actually used the word “fitty”?

Come on, OP.