Two weeks of intense messaging then silence, what did I do wrong?

[joanna123457]

Hi all. Just need some unbiased advice! I’m 44 and met this guy who’s 38 a couple of weeks ago online. Initially it was lots of your gorgeous you’re a fitty and I said do you want to chat via WhatsApp. He said yes we swapped numbers then have basically chatted every day since for just over 2 weeks. Day 2 it was oh it would be better if you were here with me, we’d be up to no good etc, to be fair to him every day if he couldn’t text back until later on it he’d always text and say sorry for the delay just finished work etc.

I’ve had lots of “I’ve had such a long day need a bath and a massage from someone…could that someone be you and I can think of someone in particular that I’d like to be here - you. 🤯 so all going well. Now…radio silence. No even reading texts. I got one text yesterday morning and that’s been it.

what did I do wrong?

You need to get understand you don’t know him. You don’t know a thing about him. There is no relationship.
Intense messages mean zero.
You offered to meet him for lunch and he said nothing. That’s when you move on.
I know it’s brutal.
I thunk we can become addicted to the dopamine hit of intense messaging. It enables us to feel wanted/validated without any effort.
But meeting someone in real life requires effort. You must expect effort and if it doesn’t come, move on.
And maybe look at why you are chasing this man.
I took a complete break and realised the issue was really about me. I needed to build my self esteem and take better care of myself.
Did done community work via a friend, met someone there I liked who I got to know as a friend first and took it very slowly.
You sound very vulnerable I know I was. These men don’t care you are a bit vulnerable or that they hurt you. It’s not even personal they treat all women the same.

He was the one who brought up the lunch date, and when I mentioned a couple of weeks ago I was up near his for work he did ask what week.

It’s been 5 weeks of chatting now (well 3 if you count the 2 weeks of him disappearing)

Girl he isn't into you please for the love of baby Jesus move on

It was time to cut your losses a very long time ago.

Please look into working on your self esteem and self worth so you wouldn’t even spend a day entertaining this behaviour.

It’s really sad to read this whole thread.

It's not meeting in real life.
He has no expectations of himself. He doesn't know you.
It's like fishing.

He is a man who calls women he’s never met babe and talks about ‘cuddling’ (for which read shagging) a woman he’s never even laid eyes on.

This isn’t a man, this is a fantasy of a man. You’re feeling ‘connected’ to a creative writing project. You’re not in a position to be online dating if you’re able to form a connection with someone by constantly messaging without ever having met them. It’s not real. You wonder how those people get scammed out of their savings by conmen. This is how. Women so eager for love that they ignore all of the real red flags for the fake connection they crave. Step away from the apps. Work on yourself.

It’s giving ‘Love Kernels’.

To be honest I shouldn’t have even started chatting to him, I’ve come out of a absolutely rubbish situationship that went on for a year and a half and that guy treated me awfully

Why did that drag on for eighteen months?

Why do you allow these men to treat you so badly?
You seem to have very low self-esteem.

It’s a long story. I ended it and blocked him 2 months ago

I don’t think you are hearing. He says what week?
If he was keen to meet you he’d have asked for dates/times, asked you what type of food you like and booked a table.
And then you’ve got to rely on him turning up and being what you expected.
I have an odd feeling you aren’t really interested in him, you just need some affection.
Affection and attention aren’t the same thing.
Just because someone calls you baby and asks for cuddles doesn’t make them a nice man.

I am interested in him not just for affection. Little bit younger tall dark handsome at first always apologised if he didn’t text back and said sorry for delay and why. All just gone the other way now sadly from him 😔

I give up.

Because he doesn't care about you. Sorry to be harsh but how can you not see this?

Thinking back a lot of it was I can’t sleep no-one for cuddles and also I need you know what from him. Said he hadn’t been with a woman for a while so at the moment he was more naughty than nice 😒😒

He wanted a wank buddy to cyber with!

Maybe yes x

I think he may be the type where when things get real he goes. Maybe means it in heat of moment then disappears

OP you're not the only one he's messaging. Do you really want to just be a notch on his bedpost. Nothing you've written says he wants anything other than to get laid. It'll be your turn to be bent over soon enough but I'm thinking it'll make you feel worse than you do now.

Make sure you use condoms.

I really don’t know. I don’t think he is with others but who knows at this point nothing would surprise me

Think posters told you that back on page 3

Quite possibly. Just didn’t want to see it.

I guess this is why romance money scams work...some people are desperate for a "connection" even if it's with someone they don't know and only by texts. It's sad because they are obviously vulnerable and there are hoping the stranger at the end of a WhatsApp number will be their person. The reality is they probably don't look anything like their pictures and are playing a number of people, perhaps for photos or maybe money.

Op, do you have any other people in your life?

And you still don't.

I am assuming you are quite young (early to mid 20s I’m guessing)?

He doesn’t want a relationship. That’s his right but you do yourself no favours by taking every word as truth and expecting things to get better.

I think you will continue to be in contact with him and getting upset about his silence and then being deluged with messages. If your need for sex and cuddles is more important than your self respect then that is up to you.

Why are you asking for advice and then claiming to take it on board, only to come back to say it’s happening again because you chose to continue? It just seems exhausting for you