Two weeks of intense messaging then silence, what did I do wrong?

[joanna123457]

Hi all. Just need some unbiased advice! I’m 44 and met this guy who’s 38 a couple of weeks ago online. Initially it was lots of your gorgeous you’re a fitty and I said do you want to chat via WhatsApp. He said yes we swapped numbers then have basically chatted every day since for just over 2 weeks. Day 2 it was oh it would be better if you were here with me, we’d be up to no good etc, to be fair to him every day if he couldn’t text back until later on it he’d always text and say sorry for the delay just finished work etc.

I’ve had lots of “I’ve had such a long day need a bath and a massage from someone…could that someone be you and I can think of someone in particular that I’d like to be here - you. 🤯 so all going well. Now…radio silence. No even reading texts. I got one text yesterday morning and that’s been it.

what did I do wrong?

JFC he is a love-bomber. Likely has multiple OLD women being strung along and likely in a RL relationship.

thanks all xx don’t think I’ll be hearing from him again

And don’t give him the time of day if you do !

Oh Lord please don’t say you sent naughty photos ! How naughty were they? You do realise what could happen in the wrong hands ? Please never put yourself out there like that again at least meet them first and establish a true connection

He sounds like a sleaze bag op. Not worth your time.

I agree and thankyou

OP, if you met a man at a party or at a friend's house or other social event and he started talking to you like this guy has been talking to you would you and the other quests think it was OK?

I'm sure you would not. So why have you let him talk to you like this?

I met my husband many years ago through a newspaper ad - there was no online dating back then and no mobile phones. We spoke on the phone just once and agreed to meet up in a pub local to me. If he had started talking like this guy has been talking to you I would have been straight out the door. I would not have even finished my drink.

In future, don't have prolonged message exchanges but if you think you might click, meet up in person early on.

And think hard about distances. How did you think a 5 hour travelling distance was going to work if he had turned out to be a nice guy?

There are blogs that give tips on how to safely navigate online dating. You are 44, you need to develop some nous and raise your bar.

Block him.

I agree. I’ve just got out of a long situationship where he wasn’t exactly nice to me so I guess I’m still a little vulnerable with boundaries!

He's probably married and now got cold feet. Looks like he's had his little fantasy.

When the sexual chat started on day 2 were your red flags not waving?
It doesn’t sound like someone who wants to get to know someone, more someone looking for a hook up. He’s probably found it nearer to home.
Consider it a lucky escape.
Plus any adult that uses the word “fitty” to describe a woman is a bit of a twerp.

It’s all a game to men like that. They do it because they’re bored and it’s something to do or because it’s a nice ego stroke for them.

My advice would be that if you connect with someone you like, arrange a casual coffee date asap.

Don’t waste weeks messaging.

What area of the country are you Joanna123457? a five hour drive must be around three hundred miles away, has he seen a picture of you on this dating site,?

Dating apps are so stressful, full of time wasters. Even those claiming to be looking for a long term relationship, someone to make new memories with etc. I'm 50+ looking to chat with men of a similar age, and sorry to say they do not get better with age. Literally every one has been a similar experience to yours.
Saying i look lovely, very kissable, would love to have a cuddle and when they chat it's all just dirty talk. I think I've given up.

I wonder if he chose someone 5 hours ago so he knew you would never meet?

I don’t think he did but everytime I brought up meeting it was all we’d be so naughty up to no good

The word ‘naughty’ is making me heave.

'your gorgeous you're a fitty' would make my vagina clamp shut for an extended period.

Goodness yes! The only thing you did wrong OP was not immediately block when he started coming out with comments like that. There’s no need for anything remotely sexual with someone you’ve never even met. No way would I be sending any sort of photos to someone I’d never met. They can see the ones in the site and if they’re not happy with those leave it at that!

It’s also all soooo boring and predictable isn’t it!

I just feel like a complete idiot. All the oh would be better if you were here I’d love to do this with you was all physical related looking back. Shame you’re not here right me and then next thing would we be naked 🙄

OP, it sounds like he was after just nude photos and lots of sexting. That's it.

Long exchanges without meeting are definitely something to nip in the bud.

But ask yourself why you were charmed by it, and why it took a few hundred Mners to bring it home to you that this isn’t ’intense messaging’ , more like caveman wank fodder? That’s the best thing you can do for yourself now.

He was using you to get his kicks and now he’s done so has ghosted you. Just learn not to be so intimate with someone you don’t know again.

Pretty certain you’ve done nothing wrong!

You were enabling him and by the sound of it explicit messages were sent back and forth and he used you for his own gratification.

I would suggest that if you are involved in any online dating to take things Much Slower until you get your know them better. There’s many interesting conversations without having sexual implications attached.