Two weeks of intense messaging then silence, what did I do wrong?

[joanna123457]

Hi all. Just need some unbiased advice! I’m 44 and met this guy who’s 38 a couple of weeks ago online. Initially it was lots of your gorgeous you’re a fitty and I said do you want to chat via WhatsApp. He said yes we swapped numbers then have basically chatted every day since for just over 2 weeks. Day 2 it was oh it would be better if you were here with me, we’d be up to no good etc, to be fair to him every day if he couldn’t text back until later on it he’d always text and say sorry for the delay just finished work etc.

I’ve had lots of “I’ve had such a long day need a bath and a massage from someone…could that someone be you and I can think of someone in particular that I’d like to be here - you. 🤯 so all going well. Now…radio silence. No even reading texts. I got one text yesterday morning and that’s been it.

what did I do wrong?

Ive heard of something called the ‘burning haystack’ (to find the needle) method for OLD.

Essentially, it sounds as if you were trying to pull him away from his relentless attempts at sex talk. Don’t. If their approach/responses don’t mesh with you, abandon immediately- if it doesn’t start easily, burn it.
I have no personal experience of this, being older and having abandoned OLD many years ago - but it makes sense to me!

Thanks all really appreciate the replies. Thing is the physical side of it yes is something I want, but with someone who actually wants to be with me in a relationship. This guy clearly wasn’t it.

He's probably married.

I mean this in the nicest possible way.
Buy a decent vibrator and get your head in the right place before you find another man.

Nothing. The messages were mundane, and unimaginative. A temporary distraction.They could be sent to anyone. It wasnt a relationship of any kind. I get its wasted your time but thats those apps for you. It happens a lot..ego boost for em 🫤

Was the messages all just flirty and sexual? Did he ask about you? Try to get to know you?
If not then you probably dodged a bullet.
Some guys are on dating apps never change and it doesn't matter how old they are!
It takes a lot of patience and convos that just run cold unfortunately.
Xx

His wife/partner has found his phone.
He’s met someone else online that lives nearer.
He’s fickle and has changed his mind about you.
Forget him and start again.

Honey if you think these are warm messages your bar is way too low.
Find someone who’s not just looking for sexual, if you’re looking for a relationship.

Sounds like the type who talks this sort of shit to lots of women- probably busy with one of the others now and when he’s not busy with her will be back ramping it up again

I know it’s tough but stop being so intense in messages, stop messaging so often and don’t move to WhatsApp so quickly.
You aren’t going to connect for a relationship with those methods.
Also 5 hours away?
I am convinced we are all addicted to the dopamine hit of messages pinging.
It is not real life.

How old are you? Those aren't warm messages. Those are just 'trying to get you into bed' messages and you didn't bite. You kept messaging instead of going round. I hope you didn't send him any pictures. Are you interested in a relationship? If not: carry on! No harm! But if you are: the message thread you described is not what you should be looking for or engaging in.

And two weeks of messaging before meeting is way too much. I meet immediately and if we fancy and like each other, we arrange a proper date.

How do you know he's ghosted you? Why are you even entertaining him in your head any more?

I think some guys just like having someone to text with no notion of meeting up. It’s a ball ache when online dating. After a week of texting I’d be trying to get concrete plans to meet soon or bin them off.

He lives 5 hours away from me but within 2 days of talking he said oh a date is on the cards then as he comes down here for work he put a naughty emoji then said are you single or married as I want you all to myself 🙄 brought it up a couple of times when are you next down he just said hahaha probs a few weeks and then said we would be so naughty but it never got past that

I had something similar OP: literally hundreds of text/email exchanges over the course of a fortnight, met up a couple of times. How much he liked me, how hot I was etc then nothing for two days. I concluded that what he liked was the flirtation and the anticipation but he didn’t have the emotional capacity for an actual relationship. All worked out anyway, as I met my now husband three weeks later.

Definitely not you. 💐

Thanks for that. Yep that sounds very similar except all his was based towards physical but yep all the compliments oh we’d be worth the drive have you all to myself better if you were here. Last time I heard from him was Sunday morning and that’s been it

He was always so quick to text back and say sorry for the delay been doing this and that just got home so seemed nice, and now nothing radio silence.

How old are you OP you sound quite young ? You need to move on for your own sake and forget about him. He’s probably moved on himself

He’s probably married and just wanted a bit of fun, dating apps are full of them.

It's in the first line of her OP - she's 44.
Age, unfortunately, is not always a great protector against being a bit vulnerable when looking for a relationship - many women who have been treated badly simply don't always recognise the red flags, because their boundaries have been beaten down over the years.

How could those sleazy messages be construed as nice?
FGS raise your bar!

You did nothing wrong. You thought you had a connection. He made you feel good. Excitement on meeting someone and having banter. But it’s just superficial talk. Nothing is real until you meet.

But likely he was caught up in the excitement and then realised distance. Or met someone or has a partner. You will never know.

just chalk it up to experience. If a guy starts flirting sexually then look at it as a red flag. Certainly no gentleman

Yeah I should have flagged it when he kept saying pictures you’ve sent aren’t naughty enough and I want to see how naughty you can get

Oh god- those messages are such a red flag. Nothing genuine can come from those kinds of messages.

🤮