DS has been suspended from work

[APandafromRwanda]

DS is 19 and has been in a retail job (a big chain) for about 8 months. He left college and didn't want to go to University so found himself a job in this shop

He called me yesterday asking if I could pick him up early (a few hours before his shift was due to finish). When he got in the car he then proceeded to tell me he's been suspended by management

The incident was that he was talking with two other members of staff. There was some banter about a third colleague (I will refer to them as Tom) who wasn't present. Ds then implied (he says he did not explicitly say this, or use the "p" word at any point) that Tom had indecent images on his phone. It was a joke

One of the present colleagues then went to management and reported him. The other colleague who was there has backed the first one up and given a statement saying the same thing. That Ds called Tom a "P doe file".

If he gets sacked (very likely at the moment) is he going to have to tell his next employer about why he was sacked or will it be mentioned on a reference?

A joke that could ruin Tom’s life. Nice.

If that's what he admitted to you, chances are there's more to it than that.

Whatever, you can't go around saying things like that about a work colleague, even when it was meant as a 'joke'.

What sort of 19 year old makes jokes like that? Sit him down @APandafromRwanda and make him read all the convictions this year for abusing children.

He deserves to be sacked. His "joke" could have destroyed another young man's life.

How is implying that a colleague is a paedophile banter? It’s slanderous and has the potential to ruin Tim’s life.
Good on the colleague who reported him.
When he has his disciplinary meeting he should tell the truth, apologise unreservedly and accept graciously whatever happens. He also owes Tom a genuine apology.

Tell him to resign. Today. He needs to resign rather than get sacked. And tell him to ask if they give full references or if they will just confirm the dates he was employed there without detail.

Then he doesn’t need to disclose being sacked as he quit.

Have you asked him what on earth he was thinking? He absolutely cannot use language like that, or anything similar, at work about a colleague even as banter. At least he has learned this lesson early. He needs to grow up and realise that no matter what job it is, there are boundaries to protect both the staff and the employer.

Maybe he could use this as an opportunity to do something more with his life. Clearing is still open for uni applications. Or he could look into apprenticeships. Something that will maybe give him more opportunities later on, and maybe give him some time to grow up a bit.

'Banter' about a colleague being a peadophile?

Let this be a very tough lesson for him that colleagues aren't friends, and starting disgusting rumours can ruin lives. Thankfully this time it was his own life, next time he could get someone hurt or killed with his 'banter'.

The advice for him to quit is probably the best thing he can do right now.

So he implied that Tom has images of child sexual abuse on his phone?
What the fuck was he thinking to say such a thing? How could he even consider that to be joke.

OP, this is absolutely the normal kind of banter among 19 year old's and anyone who believes otherwise either doesn't have 19 yo's or isn't around them often.

Please do as a PP advised and just advise him to resign. He doesn't want to work with idiots who report colleagues for something that was most likely not a literal accusation. It's silly and they are nasty people.

He will find a better job with nicer colleagues.

Reported.

I worked in retail at 19. Worked there from when I turned 16 until I was 22. No, this isn’t the sort of “banter” anyone had at work. The one person who did something similarly, got sacked. And that was 15 years ago. He isn’t getting away with it in 2026.

Men really need to learn that joking about child sexual abuse, or joking about women being sluts or anything sexual at all will get them sacked.

My dad got sacked about 25 years ago for telling a rangers/celtic joke in a job in Glasgow. And he was very very senior, and had his pick of jobs to walk into. Letting go of him was a big blow for that company, but he absolutely deserved it because it was totally inappropriate. He learned a lesson in his 40s. This kid can learn the lesson at 19.

I agree that he should resign because he did do it and can’t hang his hat on not saying the actual word pedophile. He’s made a joke about somebody having images of child sexual abuse. That’s an outrageous thing to joke about.

My dd works in a clothing shop chain and last week a customer had their phone stolen after leaving it on the seats in the shoe department. Not only could they see what happened but there was also perfectly clear audio from the shop floor of what the people who stole it said. (My dd was helping them with shoes so was shown the footage).,

It absolutey is normal banter among that age group, but it shouldn't happen at work.

There is no need for hysteria around this (but it's already got some all up in arms because, well, it's Mumsnet!).

The OP's son just needs to learn that you have to be careful about the kind of 'banter' you get into at work.

I have a 20 yo, who interacts with others his age across the country through sports, just asked him and his response was

"No it's not normal, maybe check his ( @APandafromRwanda 's son) phone though."

There you go @APandafromRwanda, if your son's colleagues are a similar age maybe they reported your son because they think if he's joking about being a pedophile then he may be one!

Something more with his life? Is there something wrong with working in retail?

I'm around teenagers all the time, I've never heard any of them make jokes about the sexual abuse of children.

Glad he’s gone. Well done that employer.

That’s not ok, saying a colleague is a paedophile and has indecent images on his phone is utterly unacceptable from workplace bullying on.

he can try to negotiate to resign with a basic reference ie jist confirming he worked there, but his employer is legally allowed to give factual references and can reference this, so all he can do is explain he is an idiot it was a joke, resign and ask for a basic reference,

No it’s not, it might be in the teens you know but the fact the colleagues reported this indicates they didn’t see it as normal either.

He should resign before he is fired. Hopefully they will give him a basic reference. He needs to learn from this. Never say anything in work that you would not be happy to put on a banner and hang it outside your workplace. Also that is a horrible thing to joke about .

There is no point in posters telling him off, he’s not here.

OP he can resign but the investigation will carry on without him so the outcomes are the same.

I think all he can do is apply for other jobs and see what happens with the reference. If it’s ie Asda I suspect they just do employment date references

Pedophile and child abuse image jokes are absolutely not normal amongst this age group.

It is certainly normal amongst a certain type of kid in his age group - the types roaming the streets causing communities distress, poorly educated, no decent jobs etc. That stereotypical sort of lad. Thankfully, it’s a stereotype of a small group in society.

Sorry if that’s your kid though.

I don’t feel at all ashamed to say that I hope for more for my kids. Or at least that they try.
So, yes, I’d suggest my 19 year old try for more.