Husband's bad mood on holiday has made the whole trip miserable

[TheLizardQueen]

Holiday ruined 😡 Arrived in the Lake District on Friday. All going well until yesterday we went to explore. DH moaned and rolled his eyes all day making it not a nice experience. Same again today when we went out. Moaned at DD because there were shops she wanted to visit. Said he was going to wait in the car for us. Didn’t come into any shops and instead waited outside in a mood. Went for dinner as a treat. He said his meal was horrible (ours was great) complained about the table next to us talking too loud. Complained all the way home because DD sat in the front and played her music, which I don’t mind. DD can’t sit in the back due to windy roads and travel sickness. Then he told her she was making it all up because she wanted to sit in the front seat. I’m the driver btw, DH doesn’t drive. She was mad that he said she lies about having travel sickness. Then he told her to not talk to her for the rest of the holiday. She’s in her room alone. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. Worst thing is we’re here with his parents (who I love) but his mum is taking his side in all this. Me and DD just want to go home. We’re walking on egg shells. I can’t even look at him, he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Seriously thinking about my future now 😞 Been together 23 years. DD is 19 and still (usually) loves coming on holiday with us. I’m so sad 😞

Is he normally like this? What a horrible way to behave. Can you and DD go off on your own and try to have some nice time together just the two of you? Let his mum enjoy his miserable, moaning company if she wants to take his side.

I couldn't put up with this, take your DD and go home. He sounds utterly unbearable. Have you asked him what's wrong? Does he act like this at home?

He doesn’t act like this at home mostly because he never comes out anywhere with us. It’s always just me a DD

Why on earth is his mum siding with him?

Is his mother seeing all of this nastiness? What is she saying to defend this? It sounds miserable. I would go stay with your daughter in her room.

I honestly don’t know. His behaviour is like a child. I’m surprised she is tbh

Yes she is, but it’s her son I guess. I will always take DDs side! We’re not sleeping in the same room anyway because I snore and keep him awake 🙄

I can see some of this from your husband's point of view. Could your daughter take a travel sickness tablet. It sounds like you and your daughter are very close so maybe he feels left out.

What would he like to do on the holiday? Could he have dropped you and your daughter off to look round the shops whilst he did something else and then pick you up later.

I do think he's out of order to say to your daughter not to speak to him for the rest of the holiday but you need to have a discussion so that you all enjoy this holiday.

Book a hotel for you and DD. Have a nice time together, go shopping and eat out.
leave the miserable gits to fester

Oh that sounds so miserable for you. Honestly I think you have to have words - and action now.

What that looks like is up to you, but realistically nothing is going to change on this holiday so may as well get it out in the open now. Choose your moment, get DD onside and lay it on the line, in the presence of his parents also.

No doubt you will come off worst if both he and his parents gang up on you, but what have you got to lose here anyway? Tell us what you will lose by letting him know his behaviour is unacceptable.

I am so mad for you. This kind of intransigence and nit picking, and bad humour spoiling it for you and DD is really a form of abuse. Walking on eggshells around him too I'd say. That's no way to live in anyone's language.

So have you a plan for tomorrow then? Off you go with DD and don't come back until bed time, well after dinner anyway. He will have no chauffeur and will have to amuse himself. The big naughty child will stamp his foot, but hopefully his parents will see it too.

Wishing you luck. Go out, leave him there and see if things improve. If they don't you really might have to re assess your futures together. You have only one spin on the merry go around of life after all. Use it wisely.

Ditch the miserable git and have fun with your daughter.

I would just ditch your DH for the rest of the holiday and head off with your DD to do what suits him. Address him/the relationship when you get back home.
There are so many gorgeous places to visit in the Lakes, try not to let him spoil it!

Leave him with mummy and daddy and go out with DD tomorrow.

Is he ill, if this is new? Or is there something bothering him? Try to talk to him about it. His mum might just be trying to keep the peace and make the most of time with the family, hoping it's not going to blow up. Maybe she's worried about not getting much more time like this and just wants to make the best of it?

Tell him you do not want to put up with his grumpiness so he can stay with his mum and dad tomorrow. You and DD go out.

He can’t drive

Have you asked him if he’s ok? If he thinks he should see a GP? If he realises he’s negatively impacting you and your daughter emotionally? If he’s hoping to end up with a daughter who wants nothing to do with him one day? If so is there any acceptance from him that he’s been behaving badly or indicators he’s struggling emotionally?

I get the feeling he is like this all the time. OP said he doesn't go out at all, so it's just OP and DD doing things together at home anyway.

So he doesn't want to join in with anything, but wants to spoil OP's and DD's holiday anyway. That's awful and is quite abusive IMV.

That made me really angry reading that. You need to keep calm op and don't over react. Part of me wants to suggest something spiteful but you need to rise above it and don't get angry.

I think you should drive home without him but take his suitcase and clothes and start divorce proceedings

@2dogsandabudgie he doesn’t drive. He chose to come. And kept saying he wish he hadn’t. I wish he hadn’t too. I’m going to go out tomorrow and leave him with his folks. He very rarely goes anywhere with us and when he does he just moans his face off. It’s better when he doesn’t come.

@ShakyBake I’m not showing any anger at all. He’s completely unaware that I’m seething. Thinks he’s done nothing wrong. It’s like dealing with a toddler.

BIL did this when we went away with them & my sister’s PIL. He was just a big sulking baby. Even though he couldn’t come up any good things to do, he poo-poo-d everything we wanted to enjoy. He was an absolute pain in the hole, TBH. And then acted as if we were in the wrong… Never again!

Ah yes. That makes it more difficult then. OP did you all travel in one car?

That's the spirit!

Show him by your actions that his inaction reaps no rewards with you.

He sounds horrible but the bit that stuck out for me in your post is that at home he doesn’t do anything with you and your dd so you go out without him usually.
He sounds pissed off about being out of his routine whereby you and dd go out and leave him to have peace and quiet and now you’re on holiday he’s expected to join in.
Sounds like a really grumpy git and he may have his reasons but I’m sorry,
that’s no excuse for telling his child not to talk to him for the rest of the holiday. Absolutely awful behaviour. I’d leave him at home with his mummy and daddy (as a pp put it) tomorrow and say to them in front of your dh that they can look after him while you and dd actually go out and enjoy your time together. Honestly I’d be furious at his toddler behaviour and would be looking to exit the marriage because if this has been going on for years (that he doesn’t do anything with you both) I’d be feeling trapped in a really unhappy marriage.