Husband's bad mood on holiday has made the whole trip miserable

[TheLizardQueen]

Holiday ruined 😡 Arrived in the Lake District on Friday. All going well until yesterday we went to explore. DH moaned and rolled his eyes all day making it not a nice experience. Same again today when we went out. Moaned at DD because there were shops she wanted to visit. Said he was going to wait in the car for us. Didn’t come into any shops and instead waited outside in a mood. Went for dinner as a treat. He said his meal was horrible (ours was great) complained about the table next to us talking too loud. Complained all the way home because DD sat in the front and played her music, which I don’t mind. DD can’t sit in the back due to windy roads and travel sickness. Then he told her she was making it all up because she wanted to sit in the front seat. I’m the driver btw, DH doesn’t drive. She was mad that he said she lies about having travel sickness. Then he told her to not talk to her for the rest of the holiday. She’s in her room alone. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. Worst thing is we’re here with his parents (who I love) but his mum is taking his side in all this. Me and DD just want to go home. We’re walking on egg shells. I can’t even look at him, he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Seriously thinking about my future now 😞 Been together 23 years. DD is 19 and still (usually) loves coming on holiday with us. I’m so sad 😞

I would drive home with the daughter.
Let him find his own way.
And actually I'd tell him not to bother coming back.

This.
He needs to go. He is ruining your life.
you can have a lovely new life. Without him.
Go for it!

When you get home, tell him to sleep in the spare room with all his crap and start divorce proceedings.

When I read these posts I always wonder - are they still having sex?

Is there any kind of relationship still there OP?

To be fair 2nd class riding is better than walking but he doesn't get to complain. If he wants to sit at home with a pot noodle that's on him but he doesn't get to whine about getting driven to a nice place or a lunch that he is too tight to pay for. He can stay home, watch Countdown and wait to die.

Can’t believe you’re making excuses for him. He’s a miserable and who would resent someone sitting in the front if they feel sick?
Had experience of men doing this before…. awful behaviour, makes everyone feel uncomfortable. Get rid, that’s what it will come to in the end and you will be much happier.

I know two women who stayed with emotionally abusive and miserable bastard husbands. Before you know it, they are retired and then it’s 24/7 miserable bastard because of course they never go out or do anything so there’s no escape. The wives have to do all the going out so can never have the house to themselves ever.

In both cases, they are retired men have recently developed dementia. The miserable behaviour becomes worse and the walls shrink.

You OP have skills, you drive, you have a career and earnings to match, you enjoy going out and about, you have a close relationship with your daughter. You have so much! Imagine being your miserable DH, who’d want to be him? And he won’t get better and you really won’t want to spend your retirement with him!

I’m so sorry your precious holiday is being spoiled but don’t let him spoil your daughter’s too and don’t let your H have power over you with his moods. I’d highly recommend a boat trip from Pooley Bridge to Grenridding by the way (less busy) - it was so beautiful it made me want to cry, and Grasmere is a great place to visit. So many hikes to do, lakes to enjoy, little shops to explore and so much beauty. You chose well!

Back home I agree to keep your cards close to your chest and see a solicitor. It will empower you, knowing you can build a new life for yourself

Well done x

I am sorry - but you need to quit seething and remove your daughter from this toxic and abusive environment. Leave him with his parents - they can get him to the station and he can make his own way home.

And frankly, when you load up the car, tall him you’re not just leaving him on holiday, you are leaving to start divorce proceedings.

you and your DD should not be living like this - and it seems that you have been tiptoeing around his behaviour for a very long time. He’s not happy. You’re not happy - one of you has to make the decision to free you both.

Let it be you. Tomorrow morning.

@WinterSunglasses we’re in a beautiful house with a hot tub. It cost a fortune which makes it worse! And no he didn’t pay a penny towards it!

I really don't understand why you two are even together. Is he trying to tell you something that you don't hear?
Maybe his parents know something you don't.
There's poor dd in the middle of it.
She might even be more aware of what it's all about than you are.
Otherwise why are you still with him?

So you're the higher earner, but with no savings for him to take half of. Good. So move out, rent somewhere and get the house on the market.

He's said he doesn't want to be there.
You don't want him there.

Tomorrow morning tell him to pack his stuff because you're going to drop him at the station. Remind him that he told you he doesn't want to be there, and you don't want him there either because you don't want him to ruin any more of your and DD's holiday.

His parents can stay or go, up to them, but you and DD are going to be doing your own thing.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday, OP. And start planning your divorce when you get home.

Don't you think you should tell him? How can he start doing right if he's unaware he's done anything wrong?

Tackling people who've fallen into the habit of being a pain in the neck can be a real uphill struggle, because old habits die hard. But if he's unaware that you're furious, or that his unreasonable behavior is the cause, it's about time someone started setting him straight.

(I must admit I am somewhat sympathetic to people who get annoyed when someone pulls the "I get car sick so must have the front seat" thing. The distance between the front and back seats not significant. Nowadays I claim that I get carsick too.)

I’d be hitting him with a “Feel free to leave the holiday you haven’t contributed a penny towards if a holiday and time with your wife and child is making you so desperately unhappy. I’m sure you can find a bus stop or a train station”.

What an absolute wanker your poor dd.

I wouldn't take him out tomorrow. What a mood hoover.

Ah no. HE goes. You and DD stay. He can go and live with his parents see how they like it full time!!

I'd be telling him to leave, not leaving myself.

What’s he like in normal routine at home? If he’a always like this that sounds unbearable, but if it’s really around holidays, I’d try to accept that you like different kinds of breaks and make your own arrangements. It doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker.

Just from curiosity - how come after so long and having a child together you still don’t share finances?

But if he won't, then the house needs to go on the market and she may have to, she earns more than he does. I mean I agree with you but to get it to happen that may be necessary. She leaves, she files for divorce, he will do nothing, as the holiday shows, so she needs to lead it.

I know it is small fry but was it about your daughter sitting in the front that his mum sided with him over? I am terribly car sick and to be honest, it would make zero difference if I sat in the front or sat in the back.. if she was sitting in the front with zero car sickness messing about and playing her music, I'd have been a bit pissed off being relegated to the back seat over a non issue.

Aside from that he is an utter, utter arsehole, my sister is married to one, I refuse to go on holiday with them now, as his moods are just god awful, I can take people disagreeing with decisions, wanting to do different things, or preferring their own company, but it is the moody walking on eggshells bullshit that I just can't tolerate in anyone.. it's like they are not content until they make everyone else miserable.

The only way I found to cope with it is just pretend you haven't noticed it, and breezily say 'did you want to come to x place with us today?' .. and unless it was a genuine positive answer, I'd cut him off mid grumble/sentence and say 'no problem, see you later!' rinse and repeat until the holiday was over, never again.

The distance of the seats in the car has nothing to do with being car sick though?

Get rid. You and your daughter go and enjoy your lives without worrying what this miserable arse thinks! Life is too short.

What exactly does she say to like back him up or excuse him?

Tomorrow leave him with her. They’ll have to drive him around and listen to him .

She hasn’t been in a relationship, she doesn’t want one.
Are you surprised? 😬

Never too late for a divorce, the equity will pay for a solicitor. He'll move in with mummy no doubt as it sounds like he couldn't afford the mortgage and buying you out. Or get your own new place so nothing in the house reminds you of him ever again. I bet your DD will happily move in with you.