Husband's bad mood on holiday has made the whole trip miserable

[TheLizardQueen]

Holiday ruined 😡 Arrived in the Lake District on Friday. All going well until yesterday we went to explore. DH moaned and rolled his eyes all day making it not a nice experience. Same again today when we went out. Moaned at DD because there were shops she wanted to visit. Said he was going to wait in the car for us. Didn’t come into any shops and instead waited outside in a mood. Went for dinner as a treat. He said his meal was horrible (ours was great) complained about the table next to us talking too loud. Complained all the way home because DD sat in the front and played her music, which I don’t mind. DD can’t sit in the back due to windy roads and travel sickness. Then he told her she was making it all up because she wanted to sit in the front seat. I’m the driver btw, DH doesn’t drive. She was mad that he said she lies about having travel sickness. Then he told her to not talk to her for the rest of the holiday. She’s in her room alone. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. Worst thing is we’re here with his parents (who I love) but his mum is taking his side in all this. Me and DD just want to go home. We’re walking on egg shells. I can’t even look at him, he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Seriously thinking about my future now 😞 Been together 23 years. DD is 19 and still (usually) loves coming on holiday with us. I’m so sad 😞

And I am not the least bit surprised your daughter doesn’t want a relationship

Why should he drive when he can be driven 🤷‍♀️ He goes nowhere and he’s happy with it.

Me and DD fancied a toastie yesterday. We found a place and sat down and he looked at the menu and declared he wasn’t paying these prices. So me and DD stayed and had a lovely lunch and he went to Greggs for a sausage roll!!! I was even paying I didn’t ask him for money.

As soon as you walk through the door when you get home, tell him you want a divorce.

The atmosphere is awful. Nobody has spoken since we got back.

I wish I could. I have nowhere to go. He won’t leave. What do I do? I have nowhere savings. I’m the breadwinner and he contributes very little so I’ve not been able to save anything

Imagine being retired and still with him! What will your life look like then?

Dreadfully boring and sad I imagine

If he doesn't go many places, he probably doesn't realise how much things cost. DD and I like to go to the theatre and concerts. We accept that food and drink at such places is £££ and we factor that in when we book. If we take DH on the odd occasion he is always, "How much???" when we get a drink. Difference is, I just tell him to get a grip and that's the way it is these days and he laughs at himself and realises he is being a bit Victor Meldrew.

There comes a time you say enough. You change anything because he won't change and seemingly hoards his stuff. He doesn't seem to want to be in the family so that's going to be big change. I suspect if you split he will sit in his house/flat surrounded by his stuff being miserable. Don't be sat there with him. Your daughter is 19 with a whole life ahead of her that you can be part of. Her father doesn't seem to want to be there

It's Miserable Middle Aged Man Syndrome - I don't know why some men go like this, but they do. Also called Celebration or Holiday-ruiner.
There's some sort of deep-rooted dissatisfaction with life. Perhaps he doesn't feel he's achieved enough or something. He doesn't feel happy and is jealous of your relationship with your DD, even though you say she adores him. And you say his parents are lovely too, so more fool him for not being happy with all these lovely people around him.
You probably have 2 options|: LTB or ITB (ignore the bastard). As in ignore the behaviour, and just do your own thing. Maybe suggest he's so unhappy and moody he should see the GP for depression, but then leave it - don't keep on about it, or enable it for it. I don't think you should mother him - he clearly has a v supportive mother already.

Gosh how sad for you and dd. Look these things happen, we put up with the moaning etc because each day doesn't seem that bad but it does all add up when you look back and before you know it years have passed. He's slowly grinding you both down. If you have the means to be able to separate then I would, he's not going to get more happier, he'll get moanier with age. You are very lucky that you can make this decision and make changes if you want.

For now I'd just say to him that you'll be doing your own thing on holiday, I wouldn't be cutting my holiday short and your dd is the perfect age to go and enjoy the holiday with nice food drinks shopping etc

If he has such a problem with being in the back he could always catch a train back home. Then he can sit where he likes.

I see no reason why you and DD should have to put up with this...

Plus, silent treatment is abusive behaviour, if it was you he was ignoring you'd be told to leave him, why's it better for DD to bear the brunt of it?

PIL came in one car and us 3 in our car

What a horrible, horrible man. He is a millstone around your neck, OP. What if you initiated a split and sale of the house? Could you and DD not buy a flat and he can feck off wherever. I'm assuming you co-own your house. If you rent, it could be even easier. A better life could be yours, OP.

So you mean to say other family
members witness this??

So stop being so passive
Set your daughter a better example if not for yourself
you earn considerably more than him so what’s stopping you?

Go home with your DD. He is behaving like a selfish brat.

Definitely think about what he brings to this relationship. Why doesn’t he drive?

23 years of marriage, 1 child and no assets? No property to sell? No savings?

So he wasn't paying these prices but you are the main earner? Does he work? What does he want at this part of his life? I'll assume 45 years old so still youngish. What does he want? All he seems to be doing is blighting your lives. Let him live with his parents.

And I'll bet she moves out pretty much as soon as she can if this is how her dad treats her.

Sorry to hear this. Could you afford to see a solicitor to check what you'd be entitled to? If you're not ready to separate yet, take time to get some savings behind you and do it when the time's right for you. I don't know how you handle life with him in the meantime though. Maybe his mummy will take him in.

Don’t let this bell end ruin your holiday. I’m so angry for you.

Sounds like my EX husband! It’s miserable! Ruined countless holidays, celebrations, dinners. So glad he’s now my ex and my kids are happier too. So sorry you’re going through this x

He sounds like a dead weight. Once DD is off living her own life, there’s more out there for you OP. And I don’t mean another man!