Gutted - can’t take job offer for my absolute dream job 😞

[TheDrswife]

Anyone else had to swallow a very bitter pill? I’m a copywriter and I’ve been offered a full time hybrid role for my favourite ever brand that I buy a lot of.

The problem is that I also have a three year old in term time nursery only (no scope for more days). I doubt I could find another suitable setting so quickly and tbh I don’t want to - she’s my priority and I don’t want to just shove her in some random childcare that she doesn’t know.

So I get that it’s my fault for being so inflexible but I just don’t see a way I can accept this job 😞

Do they want you you to start before the schools go back?

Could you look for a childminder who picks up from your school and does holidays?

It’s tough isn’t it, I have two DC (under 5) and I didn’t even get as far as applying for a dream role I saw a few months ago as it was a 7 day working pattern & with my eldest starting primary school I didn’t want to miss spending the weekends as a family.

I still think about, but I will say that with a few months perspective I’m still confident I made the right decision. I’m sure you’ll fee the same eventually.

Re childcare, if the nursery could offer you the hours you want in the next few months is there any possibility you can fudge the 2 days that aren’t covered until then? DH/friends/annual leave/condensed hours?
Or is the issue that it’s term time only?

Start in September? Surely you have to give notice for your current job? Then you will have time to sort out childcare for October half term. Loads of holiday clubs around or get a childminder. I used to do this for my DC when at nursery/school age

You can find a solution to this! What other options are there open to you?

Take the job. Find a way to make the childcare work -- you have time to research and see what's available. Dream jobs don't come along often.

@WarmHare The problem is that it’s term time only and it’s the nursery of a private school so holidays are long - summer is 9 weeks as an example. DH can’t help and all my friends are busy with their own little ones. I have to prioritise DD, it just stings a bit.

I’m sure I’ll get over it eventually!

Given the state of the job market and the impact that AI is having on copywriting, I’d do absolutely everything I could to make it work.

@PurpleCoo- I wound up the projects I was working on before the summer holidays precisely because I didn’t want to shove DD into random clubs/childcare settings. They don’t need me for a couple of weeks, starting date wouldn’t be an issue.

Does DH work away (armed forces, oil rig etc)?

Next summer only becomes an issue next summer, which gives you nearly a whole year to get a plan in place.

What did you have in mind when you were applying for the role?

Could you look at hiring a nanny?

Not really given that half term, Xmas and Easter are also not covered

Childminder for holidays?

Op you can make this work!

Most people need to find suitable childcare and you have time to find alternative care (some
childminders for example have term time only children) so it’s not ‘shoving her into random clubs/childcare’.

if they also want you a lot you could also probably negotiate more (unpaid) leave. When mine were that small I used parental leave to have two extra weeks off a year with them. My current job I’m part time but work full time term time and half weeks during holidays. Worth talking to them more about it!

As you’ll need to give notice etc. there’ll be loads of tine to look around nurseries/ childminders/ Nannies. It won’t be random childcare for long- why would it be more ‘random’ than your current one was at the start? Also, if you’re working full time it does mean your husband will start needing to take some responsibility as he is their parent as well!

Use a childminder or a nanny share for the periods your nursery doesn''t cover. Why are so set on keeping her at her current nursery, which simply no longer suits?

It doesn't sound to me as if you really want this 'dream job', or you wouldn't be dismissing so quickly all the obvious things you can do to make it happen. Which is fine, obviously, but at least own it.

You could tell them it’s your dream job but you can’t make it work right now with your childcare.

Then ask if there is any possibility of a flexible or part time role until circumstances change.

They may be keen to have someone like you who is so enthusiastic.

I employed a student nanny to cover holidays when I first went back to work. Later on I had a childminder who couldn’t do one day in the week. A relative stepped in for mornings and a friend did afternoons in return for reciprocal babysitting. Neither solution was obvious but both worked well.

if you really want this role, you can make childcare work.

Why did you waste everyone's time applying then if you never intended to find cover for any of the holidays?!

If it was truly your dream job you would move heaven and earth to take it.

You have to change nurseries OP, I did the same with my eldest DC. Went from a term time 9-3 setting to all year round 8-5. Take the job, change the childcare!

Single mum with an 11 year old (at independent school with long holidays)...there will be a way round this, and I totally get prioritising DD but you also deserve a life (and in the long run it's better for DD that you do, happy mum = happy child)

Have you considered:

compressed hours/flexi time where you work more in term time than in the holidays

asking to vary the contract (if they want you enough to offer you the role, they might consider a job share, although I know copywriting may not fit with that - I used to be one, in a previous life!)

a "summer nursery" option for DD

It's far from easy I know, but there must be a way round this!

Make it work. Or specifically, you and your DH need to find a way to make it work.

Nanny share? Au pair? Childminder?
DH take some leave while you sort it?

You have years and years ahead where you will have to find childcare solutions to fit around school hours and a career. It’s either that, or give up on the idea of a career.

Gently, you started that childcare for the first time once - you can start a new one. Kids are so good at adapting at that age!