Gutted - can’t take job offer for my absolute dream job 😞

[TheDrswife]

Anyone else had to swallow a very bitter pill? I’m a copywriter and I’ve been offered a full time hybrid role for my favourite ever brand that I buy a lot of.

The problem is that I also have a three year old in term time nursery only (no scope for more days). I doubt I could find another suitable setting so quickly and tbh I don’t want to - she’s my priority and I don’t want to just shove her in some random childcare that she doesn’t know.

So I get that it’s my fault for being so inflexible but I just don’t see a way I can accept this job 😞

Change nurseries and get an au pair to cover the school holidays and after nursery hours. You can make it work. At one point I was using a combination of nursery, nanny and child minder.

At some point she started this nursery; at that point was it "random childcare she didn't know", or did you just accept she would take a while to settle in but then would be fine? How will she manage when she starts school?

If you don't want to move her to a whole year round provider, then consider a nanny or a childminder or a holiday club for the holidays. If you use the same provider every time then it will soon cease to be "random childcare".

Actually, I'm extremely surprised that a private school does not have holiday options for parents - what do other parents do?

You can make it work, but you and your husband need to sort it together. If it’s left to you it’ll end up your responsibility forever. You’ll be the one when they’re 11 trying to arrange that meeting so you can get them to football training, or cancelling something as gymnastics is on when it should be shared.

Are you a single mum? I honestly think you’re jumping too fast to say you can’t, it’s hybrid and given the role it means you have flexibility surely? And not wanting to put your child into random childcare- it won’t be random, you’d have to check it out and be happy with it first, none of us just shove them into strange places!!

Those could be covered by her and her DH's annual leave. Indeed, between them they could probably cover most of the holidays, and take parental leave to cover any excess if they hadn't found a year round nursery or a childminder by then.

I was in a similar position to you once but had three children to sort. I turned down the offer but have regretted it ever since. I’d really look in to alternatives if you can. I don’t know where abouts in the country you are but we have barracudas holiday clubs near us and my kids LOVED going to those. Albeit they were only in main holidays. Does the school run anything? Do you know any friends who need some extra cash you could pay to have your LO. It would only be a real juggle for a year or so and whilst you get in a routineZ. I would really try and explore options before just saying no.

OP has noted that this is a private school nursery and so has longer holidays than state. Plus she cannot go up at the current nursery to more than 3 days per week.

I think she needs to change provision, but those are the reasons why they don't have a whole year to sort it out.

No, he’s a GP - a locum - booked up months in advance. And his salary is essential to us as a family.

Barracudas starts at 4+ (i.e. children already in school) unless that has changed since mine went.

Are you planning on your child staying on into the school ?

You can sort this honestly. When my kids were little we used holiday clubs, three different child minders and my husband and I would take different weeks off and the odd one together. A bit of help from family as well. Take the job if its a dream and work it out

If you could get the new job to take you on four days a week, could he drop to four days per week, at least until you find childcare without the current drawbacks of limited days and long holidays.

If he is in demand months ahead, he may well be able to negotiate on current bookings/cancel them and get part time bookings for a bit.

It’s tough as you want to be there for them. We used day camps (had one near the house which took kids from the age of 3). Our DS was very happy there - excellent camp leaders and he found a few older girls (age 8-10) that would play with him.

I would also use all of my annual leave during holidays so it wasn’t camps always.

And the last thing is - parental leave - if you are in the UK, you are entitled to 4 weeks of parental (unpaid) leave a year - every year up to the point they turn 18.

I would not give up a dream job! Agree Sept start when the nursery opens. Give it a few months and see if you can get childcare organised (camps / you annual leave / your DP leave / parental leave / Childminders) good luck!

You can make this work. The new job won’t expect you before a Sept start date. You will be asked your currently booked holidays, put in Christmas, worry about next year later. Child will be getting older, starting school etc.

I think it is doable if you want it to.

Your DH could not take appointment for October half term if one week (and if two weeks you take a week leave), then you have until Christmas to sort out some sort of cover. I imagine you could work out covering Christmas between you too.

I assume the pay you’ll get in over the next 3 months will cover 2 weeks of your DH’s time so he can take the time off.

Then February half term is the next problem to solve, and you can almost certainly find childcare by then.

We rely on my salary at home too, but if I had to make some compromises (eg unpaid leave) so DH could take his dream job, I’d bend over backwards to make it work. And I don’t work in a locum type role, so little control over my own hours, but would still make it work.

As PP said, in this AI world I’d be snatching any copywrite job I could.

The question is, is it your dream job so that you want to make it work, or is it just a job you’d like, but not as much as you like having the school holidays off with your children. Both are fine, but you do need to decide that.

Take the job! Everything can be broken down into bite sized pieces. You don’t have to worry about next summer until next summer!

Are you sure there aren’t suitable summer camps that would take her? Surely some of the other nursery mums must work, have you asked around?
We both work FT and the school’s wrap around care provider runs a camp based on site at the school (so familiar site, and familiar staff if they do ASC) and they take ‘pre reception’ kids who attend the school even though they don’t publicly advertise it. I know of at least 2 other camps in the area that also take fully potty trained 3YOs. And that’s before you even look into babysitters, local students, au pairs etc. A friend of mine hires a preschool staff member who works TTO to look after her DS twice a week when they both need to be in the office. There’s also parental leave if you don’t mind unpaid leave. If this really is your dream job there are ways to make it work and I think you’d be insane to turn it down.

Go back to the job, tell them you will need a little bit of time to fix the nursery arrangement, and that you’ll have to work from home a bit more than they need to begin with

look for a childminder/au pair and perhaps they can come to your home to look after your little one?

DO NOT JUST BIN YOUR CAREER

I never in a million years thought I would even get an interview!

Yes, definitely.

They may well also be keen to employ someone who's honest enough to say this, rather than taking the job and then whining about childcare which they knew would be an issue in the first place

Integrity's worth a lot, and I once took on someone in very similar circumstances who turned out to be one of the best I'd ever had

Get reliable childcare in place and it won’t be random!

get the start date put back and get looking for solutions.

Independent schools have looooong holidays :)

Maybe find a temporary Nanny - there are good agencies that specialise in this.

You can make this work but you need to look for a solution as a team. That means your DH looking at how he can adapt as well.

Do you have room for an au pair?