Gutted - can’t take job offer for my absolute dream job 😞

[TheDrswife]

Anyone else had to swallow a very bitter pill? I’m a copywriter and I’ve been offered a full time hybrid role for my favourite ever brand that I buy a lot of.

The problem is that I also have a three year old in term time nursery only (no scope for more days). I doubt I could find another suitable setting so quickly and tbh I don’t want to - she’s my priority and I don’t want to just shove her in some random childcare that she doesn’t know.

So I get that it’s my fault for being so inflexible but I just don’t see a way I can accept this job 😞

This is so weird. The assumption you won’t find childcare for one dc - you’re literally making excuses to justify not taking it so you can have a pitty party… meanwhile many of us with multiple dc do a big juggling act and manage it. The reality is, if you wanted the job you’d exhaust all possible options before being defeatest. I’d need to give 3 months notice so you’d be able to sort something in that time surely.

Er, it is a five day problem. Hybrid office and at home working categorically does NOT mean a worker can be looking after a three year old alongside work!!! This would be an immediate gross misconduct and sacking where I work. And rightly so, I wouldn’t tolerate it in my team. Doing a pick up of a nine year old at 3.30 for 30 mins maybe, but not childcare!

Would anyone in her current nursery be willing to be paid to take care of her in holidays? Might have been suggested already.

I think you’ve really posted here because deep down you want permission and assurances that you can make this work.

I really think you can, and hope you do!

100%. Grab it with everything you’ve got, OP! You are mental to not make this work!!! (imho!)

I get the feeling that you are using childcare as an excuse not to take the job. There are nannies, au pairs, childminders, lots of options if you really want it.

Just to say, I’m in a slightly similar position though not as difficult. Just got a new role so rather than going back from mat leave to a 0.8, I’m going back to a full time (though likely much more flexible) role. While I work out longer term childcare plan, in the hope I can still keep my son with his childminder (who doesn’t have any extra spare days) I’m looking at a nanny to come to our house for a few hours on the additional day.

Nannies are more expensive but with the flexibility of my job I should only need a half day not a whole day. A couple of weeks ago I was panicking that I’d have to change my son’s childcare setting and rule out having the day a week with him that I so much wanted, but this option buys us time while we work out a longer term plan and should still give me some time with him on that day. Could you do similar and get agreement from your new job that you would do some of your work in the evenings? Or could you compress hours to 0.8, or a combination of these things?

The main thing about your situation is that as your daughter is already three, it isn’t that long until she’s in school that you’ve got to make this situation work for given that this is your dream job - and once she goes to school, you’ll still have the issue of school holidays anyway so will have to get into the habit of sorting something.

Good luck working something out!

We had a part time nanny, worked better than 5 days in nursery, she took DS out for some fab days out before starting reception

I must be going soft - I’m actually feeling quite excited for you OP!

i’m sure that you can find a suitable solution from the many suggestions on this thread.

good luck.

Get an au pair OP

Honestly.... Take the job and find childcare.

a Nanny? If hybrid you could look at a student fi you could work from home while student looked after dc.

You don’t have to at all. You are choosing to. And not for the reason you cited either as that’s patently nonsense given everyone is a stranger at first. I guess only you know why.

If you want to work as a copywriter you will have to sort out your childcare. As far as I'm aware there are no term-time only copy writer jobs. I really don't think you should turn down your dream job. There are options for childcare, most of us don't work term-time only.

You got this OP! The fact that this is your dream job and brand close to your heart and that copywriting as an industry is under siege right now from AI makes me advise you to find a solution! I’d not let the job go

do you have a Uni near you -? If so I’m sure an early years trainee teacher might be glad of the work ! Or a teacher with no family commitments looking to earn a bit extra over the holidays

If it's your dream role then you can make this work.
If you start the role in September then October half term and Christmas are the first holidays to plan for.
What leave can you and DH take then and what does that leave to fill? What options are there - relatives, clubs, childminder or nanny.
Same again for Feb, Easter and May.
Your DH's locum work isn't booked up yet for next summer, surely? You can use some unpaid parental leave, annual leave, there must be some clubs your DC would enjoy that aren't "random childcare".

Get a nanny. Even if it’s eating the majority of your salary, it’s only for a few years until she starts school and it will allow you to secure and start the job. Think of the bigger picture, it will be worth it.

You can make it work. If you don’t want to, that’s okay too, but if you do then you’ve got options.

Use a childminder.

Why cannot DH help? Is his job and career untouchable whilst you have to fit yours in around kids?

and this is fair to you?

Have you asked about flexible working opportunities there? I’d kick myself for turning down my dream job without exploring my options.
A friend was picking lots of bank/locum shifts in term time but just worked her contracted hours in the holidays. Her manager asked her if she wanted to increase her hours in her substantive job. She said she’d love ro but couldn’t commit to 5 days a week in the school holidays. Her manager spoke to HR and negotiated that she works 5 days term time and only 3 days a week in in the holidays.
My friend would never have asked for this, but her manager really appreciated her.

Find an au pair? I imagine you could afford one, given that you are already paying for private tuition.

Similar position to you in a few ways - we made it work over holidays. I take extra unpaid leave (parental), medical husband takes some unpaid leave - yes it’s possible! , we work opposite shifts sometimes- work is sometimes flexible for right person, grandparents help, a person working in my child’s term preschool did a week for us…. It’s not easy but in a year or two they may want to do some camps - my oldest chose to do two this year to see friends despite us needing care for younger child anyway so it’s not a forever thing, just a few summers. Also if you take it and it’s unsustainable then you can leave but at least you’ll know.

Agreed - either go for it and make work
or continue to be the best mum you can be (as you seem to see it )
There are no medals for self sacrifice ..

I think you are overthinking the impact a change will have on your DD. Kids move house and change nursery settings for all sorts of reasons. They generally adapt fine. It will not be long before she is at school and then youve yrs to mull over that missed opportunity. If you change nurseries, you arent not putting her first. She is part of your family and its a family decision.

You sound like a lovely mum so i genuinely believe you could take the job, change the childcare set up and make this work.