Gutted - can’t take job offer for my absolute dream job 😞

[TheDrswife]

Anyone else had to swallow a very bitter pill? I’m a copywriter and I’ve been offered a full time hybrid role for my favourite ever brand that I buy a lot of.

The problem is that I also have a three year old in term time nursery only (no scope for more days). I doubt I could find another suitable setting so quickly and tbh I don’t want to - she’s my priority and I don’t want to just shove her in some random childcare that she doesn’t know.

So I get that it’s my fault for being so inflexible but I just don’t see a way I can accept this job 😞

I think it’s super important that you find a way to make this work. You’ll have extra money to throw at solutions and with it being hybrid it opens up loads more if they’re up for flexible hours etc. I think you should have done some homework before applying really but now it’s real you can figure it out. Give a start date of a couple months from now and by then you’ll figure it out n

Is there really no way to make it work? Your dc is not far off school age, when holiday clubs might not seem so tricky to consider.

Could your dh apply for parental leave to cover nursery holidays over the next year? He is legally entitled.

I don't think that a considered transition to another provider, such as a childminder, is "dumping your dc wherever". A childminder who can continue to provide wraparound care at school will be a long term connection.

You will regret not taking the role OP. Your child will certainly never thank you for it.

Most kids love holiday clubs by the way. I have a FT nanny and still spend a small fortune each summer on clubs because they enjoy them so much.

Kindly, it doesn’t sound like you’ve thought very hard about how to solve this! The issue of term time isn’t going away it’s just hitting you checks notes one year before everyone else. Or at the same time for those in school nurseries but just a few extra weeks impact

To be honest given you don’t seem to have explored options you probably would rather not work and that’s fine. You do you.

If you did want to take the job, those of us in the same position (2 parents in full time work, school nursery, private school) have solved through any of the following:

• family / friends helping
• holiday nanny
• some holiday clubs do take kids from 3 years especially those associated with private schools
• take parental leave from work (legal right)
• partner takes some annual leave to cover some (he’s a doctor, not a slave, he will be entitled to some holiday)

or a complicated combination of the above with a spreadsheet attached which is what i always did. It’s manageable, not easy.

Why did you apply?

change nursery: kids are more resilient than
you think

Why did you apply? You must have really wanted it. Turning down a dream role for the reason you stated is ridiculous to me. How many people get a perfect role?

Alternative childcare is not random and poor quality if you go for recommendations from fellow parents.

Just accept that you can't take the job, and as you say, 'you'll get over it in time'. I'm not trying to sound brutal or uncaring, but if you have already decided that you can't take it and are (by your own admittance) inflexible to the range of alternative solutions, then trying to persuade you otherwise seems futile. I do hope that you look at it again and try to find a way of making it work.

Absolutely this. I'm definitely getting less work this year. It's difficult.

Find a way to take the job. I'm very pro being a SAHM and was one myself, but for a dream job that you never thought you'd get - well you can't just let that pass you by.

You could make it work if you really wanted to. I work a full time shift based job and unexpectedly became a single parent when my child was preschool aged. It felt impossible to begin with but I made it work. Now that my child is older I’m so glad I didn’t sacrifice my career for a few years of childcare that he won’t even remember when he grows up.

I think this as well. This type of work is harder to come by now. The hours wouldn’t be 9 to 5? Is it fully WFH? Sounds like a great job!

What? Why on earth don’t you look for
a holiday nanny or something? It will only be for a couple of years and then she’ll
be going to holiday clubs and things. Yes, it will be a juggle but you can prioritise your DD whilst also doing your dream job

Definitely find childcare and do it!
Maybe one of the nursery staff would be allowed to be a holiday nanny (some won't allow)?

Plenty of us have worked all through and still prioritised kids. There are more ways to do that than giving up on dreams and/or being a SAHP.

DC always come first - you’ve done the right thing. There’s more to life than work.

No one 'shoves' their kids into holiday clubs and childcare settings. What an odd phrase, and you probably need to look at why you feel that is the correct phrase instead of something more positive. I send my dd to a holiday club 3x a week in every school holiday. It's one she likes, she gets to play with other kids and do fun activities. I put my child first a lot of the time, however I would 100% put myself first for the dream job and find solutions so I could accept

Completely disagree! We are all still our own people, not just mums. Being a mum is one part of me, not my whole identity

My childminder was a fantastic addition to my son's life, providing enriched experiences and memories.
Plus she was sought in last minute. com circumstances

Providing financially for your children is part of putting your children first.

Also, work can be a fulfilling and enjoyable part of your life. You don’t need to sacrifice your career and identity just because you have children.

There's more to life than giving up on ambitions. Being able to provide for your children and be happy yourself is is also prioritising them.

I worked full time when my two were little and I have to say the nursery they went to was brilliant. So much so when my younger child left we, along with two other families, held a BBQ and invited all the staff to say thank you. We had no local family and they were instrumental in making our children the little people they were. We are still friends with some of the staff.
There can be many opinions to nursery and child care but I was a happier mum working so it worked for us. I would consider all your options before saying no if it’s your dream job. I’d give it a go.

Throw money at this when you need to to sort out childcare. By the time DD is 6/7/8 you’ll almost certainly be able to swap some days with other parents in half term holidays etc. You take one day off and look after their Dc as well; next day they take yours. That way one day off gets you two days’ childcare. I did that a lot when mine were in primary.

My SIL and DB have 2 kids, 1 in nursery and 1 at school. SIL’s job is the higher earner but DB sometimes works in film/tv. They’d definitely use childminders or alternative solutions as well as nursery. SIL is doing very well in her career and so is DB (but got a few options) so they’d make it work. You’d be mad not to and would always be thinking “what if?”.

Absolutely. My work is fully as important as motherhood

Maybe reframe it that you are prioritising DD, but in a different way. I’m sure when she is older, hearing how her mum worked in her dream company doing her dream job would inspire her to do the same 🤷🏽‍♀️ i’m sure she won’t mind or even notice right now.