Gutted - can’t take job offer for my absolute dream job 😞

[TheDrswife]

Anyone else had to swallow a very bitter pill? I’m a copywriter and I’ve been offered a full time hybrid role for my favourite ever brand that I buy a lot of.

The problem is that I also have a three year old in term time nursery only (no scope for more days). I doubt I could find another suitable setting so quickly and tbh I don’t want to - she’s my priority and I don’t want to just shove her in some random childcare that she doesn’t know.

So I get that it’s my fault for being so inflexible but I just don’t see a way I can accept this job 😞

This … why is it random when presumably it’s the same research you did for their current place?

Take the job!! Your dc will be in school in a year. You would be crazy to turn down a dream job - you can make it work if you want to!

Ah yes all those working parents putting their children into non private school adjacent childcare in order to pay for their lives (because their husbands can’t fund them to work freelance odd jobs for likely very little money) are clearly not putting their kids first and couldn’t give a shit what happens to them. The majority of parents couldn’t care less about their children if OP is to be believed.

Always annoys me how the dad carries his life on as normal when the mum is the one trying to make things work and juggle everything 😞 🙄

I don't think you should turn this down and I do think you can make it work if you really want to. Considering it's your dream job you seem to be very easily resigned to not being able to do it. Is the real problem that your husband would rather you didn't upset the apple cart?

I 100% understand why this feels overwhelming, but your child will cope fine. I have worked 2-3 days a week since my son was 9 months old and sometimes my days have had to change. Yes it's not ideal but we had had him through 3 childminders before he was 3. Since starting school he did time with 2 childminders and some breakfast/afterschool club. He's 13 now and doesn't need childcare but he's none the worse for having had several childcare settings.

I totally get why your child is your priority, but you can do this without doing anything negative for her. In fact, more than one setting can be positive. I had childminders covering for each other when one was poorly or on holiday for example. If my son hadn't been in two settings already, this might have meant him going somewhere he didn't know, but with him already being familiar with 3 local childminders and breakfast/afterschool club, we were able to keep him in familiar settings.

Exactly. I personally would not have liked if my mum gave up her dream job in her dream company (in current job market) only so I wouldn't have change nursery. Sounds absurd.

As a fellow freelancer in the creative industries, I’m amazed you’re not even considering other options.

You have to make this work. You just have to.
Dream jobs don’t come up every year.

Can't you get a childminder to cover the times she is not in nursery? Many people do this and it works well

OP has stated that she is now considering other possibilities following posts on this thread.

Nanny /mothers help ? Maybe part time and you could work in the evenings to make the time up ?

agree. OP doesn't even need to start until September so has 2 months to find 5 days of cover for half term between her annual leave, DH's annual leave, favours from family and friends, childcare, etc.

Christmas again, mix of the above and tbh it's usually quiet in most industries so you could even get away with a day or two of plonking dd in front of the tv while she WFH (given it's a hybrid role).

So really she has at least 6 months to get something in place for feb half term and thereafter. Longer if she can eek out the above options until the Easter holidays. That's 6-8 months plus to work her socks off at the job and impress them so they consider giving her a bit more flexibility.

Not to mention the extended holidays are completely self-inflicted. I don't have any strong feelings either way about private school but I can't imagine it's necessary or that there are absolutely no half way decent state schools for a THREE year old. She doesn't even have to legally start formal schooling for over a year! Saving £10/£15k per year until her DC is in year 3 would pay for decent wrap around care.

Something about OP's wording implying other parents "shove children into random childcare settings or clubs" really rubs me up the wrong way tbh.

Make a decision and forgive yourself. Good things will follow either way.

Can you ask for more holiday leave for the first couple of years ( and less pay obviously ). Or ask to wfh during school holidays with a babysitter present to keep DD busy?

You're just making excuses.
She'll be fine. Get on the phone and make 10 calls. Make 3 visits and 1 will be fine.

Children are generally speaking quite resilient. ANd if there's a problem, just quit your job

Just come on to say you deserve this for YOU

kids are great (well some of them 😬) but they grow up. Even if you have to take loads of unpaid parental leave, get Nannie’s or au pairs - it’s all only for a short period of time until school. Then you can have wraparound, a child minder, a nanny.

None of this matters apart from what you want, if you have to spend your entire salary equivalent on childcare you will still be building your own life.

God I initially felt for you but your constant comments about "shoving your DC in random childcare" is just grating and judgy.
Some of us had to you know "shove our kids in random childcare" to erm work and pay the bills. Amazingly they turned out ok despite that.
Stop wining and grow up. Either make it work or dont and be the earth mother you feel you are. Im sure your child will be just fine.

Something I didn’t really appreciate when my children were of a similar age is that it’s very easy to get mired in the ‘here and now’ logistics, rather than taking a 30/ 40 year overview of your working life. Sometimes it is better in the long term to accept short term financial hits and childcare juggles.

I feel like you are posting because you want 'permission' to turn the job down. You can turn it down for any reason you want. But equally, its worth thinking about whether you can make it work.

You could definitely speak to your new boss about some flexibility, even if only initially. My DIL got a job that was 3 days a week Mon-Wed. She had childcare for Wed-Fri at that point as that's what she did in her previous role, and nursery didn't have space on the Monday or Tuesday at that time. They agreed to let her start on those days as a temporary measure, but AFAIK have never asked her if she can change in nearly two years.

I turned down a dream job when my youngest was the same age as my then DH said he couldn’t do any childcare in the holidays. I’ve really regretted ever since as it would have been the start of my career and the opportunity never came up again.

For goodness sake. Take the job. I’ve only read the OPs posts and a few more but I imagine they all say similar. Take the job and work the rest out later.

I was a single parent and never had any choice about having to work. What I would say with the benefit of hindsight is that young children don't need you as much. As long as they are fed, safe, entertained and cared for they will be fine. It's the tween and teen years where you're really needed as a parent. No one else will do - you can't outsource that. I'm glad that by that time I had worked my way up to have more control over my work and could be much more flexible.

What I'd also say is that a working, financially independent mum is a great role model for a daughter. Don't live with regrets.

We employ a local babysitter to look after my three year old in school holidays. She is 16 and basically just plays, does crafts and gets snacks I set out. I work from home in the holidays so am there if needed.

We pay her minimum wage for her age which she is happy with and it works out at about £250 a week for the hours she does. We also take a bit of holiday each staggered so it isn’t every week.

Lots of us have been in this situation and have found nannies and childminders to fill the gap - just needs a bit of effort.

Please check your privilege before saying ‘shove her in random childcare’. There are many parents whose children are also their priority but have no choice but to work.