'My ADHD brain'

[ForDucksSake]

I feel like I am hearing/reading this constantly now. It feels like the new anxiety. Why are people seemingly self-diagnosing themselves with ADHD now?

I work with children with autism and ADHD, so I know a fair bit about this disorder. It can be really difficult to manage for some people and it pisses me off that people I have known for years have suddenly decided that they have it because they did a fucking online quiz. It minimises the issues that some people who have ADHD really have.

A friend, who I have known for years announced last week that her 'ADHD brain' is the reason she forgets her purse every time we meet for lunch. When asked about this sudden diagnosis, she said that she had done a quiz and 'it all makes sense now'. I keep this online too, is it just me noticing this?

This is one of the most depressing threads I've read on this subject in a while and I've read a lot of really depressing threads on the subject of ADHD. So many people who are apparently diagnosed with ADHD themselves and yet do not believe that many well documented symptoms are real just because they themselves don't have those particular symptoms or because they have them but they are mild enough to be manageable. When I first read that in some countries they are considering undiagnosing people who have milder presentations of ADHD it it horrified me, but then I read threads like this and I think maybe we need to start considering it. If not I think everyone diagnosed with ADHD should be made to take a short course on it so they understand how broad ranging it is. Some of the most damaging things I hear that undermine people with more severe presentations are coming from people who are apparently diagnosed but who clearly have much milder and more manageable symptoms. It's not like that for everyone.

A friend, who I have known for years announced last week that her 'ADHD brain' is the reason she forgets her purse every time we meet for lunch.

So who pays for the lunch, @ForDucksSake?

Maybe better than us having to go on courses we should rethink diagnosis.
It's not helpful imho that there is one name for that ranging symptoms from barely any problems to debilitating ones.
It's as problematic as it would be if, in my opinion, seasonal cold, chest infection asthma, pneumonia and lung cancer were all just called plain "respiratory system issues" and nothing else to differentiate between them.

I think a lot of folks, my DD17 amongst them, tend to jump on the bandwagon for conditions like this. Certainly amongst teenagers it can be a trying to fit in thing or a highly competitive thing although with DD it’s not ADHD but borderline personality disorder, anorexia & a severe fish allergy. It’s highly unlikely that she has any of these conditions although she is ND ( autism & potentially ADHD).
I have been struggling for years. Diagnosed with a learning disability about 30 years ago but I suspect I have ADHD too. I’m going to contact my GP ( I have a new Dr who has been brilliant so far). Whatever it is affects every aspect of my life & it’s exhausting. I drank heavily for years to try & cope with it all then after I managed to quit, I became seriously reliant on OTC codeine based medication. Just withdrawing now which is extremely tough. I have lost loads of jobs, lost friendships because of my intensity & trampling over boundaries & oh my goodness the chaos that is my brain! I can never truly switch off & I have a million different ideas/songs/ jokes you name it whirling round in my head at once. I’m always so restless too. A few weeks back DH & I had a rare night away & stayed in an Air B & B. We didn’t have to check out until 10 but I just couldn’t relax. I kept getting up & wandering from room to room then I started straightening things ( always doing that), generally fiddling with stuff, trying to settle to watch tv but basically I was panicking that we wouldn’t be able to find anywhere nice for breakfast. Sometimes I am extremely anxious. End up cancelling on friends which again can affect the relationship. Not everyone understands.

But, like that meme....'Undiagnosed autistic girl still as autistic as f*'. It's not like you can pop down to the GP for a quick blood test. There are so many people out there with ASD, AuDHD, ADHD and none of us can easily describe how we feel ourselves or what is 'normal', how much people mask in our company, etc.

It doesn't matter how you come to understand yourself, whether an online quiz (and of course, there are variations on these from something in an online mag to proper medical or relevant association ones) or reading a book about, to talking to a medical professional, it is good to understand yourself.

With it having strong genetic links, there will be so many people out there who could be diagnosed, but won't be. I think it is sad that so many people react in this way 'she should be really struggling in life and be miserable or she must be lying!'. Nah, maybe she's just struggling a little bit every day. Maybe she's had to put scaffolding in throughout her life to overcome the things she struggles with. No one knows but her. Either way, what does it matter? She's happier that things now make sense to her and she is perhaps finally comfortable enough to unmask in her friend's company....only to get that response. Such a shame. I thought friends would be supportive of someone sharing something like that rather than this weird reaction. Poor woman!

There definitely are undiagnosed people with ADHD.

But I still think that constantly and/or publicly referring to your "ADHD brain" when you haven't even sought a diagnosis is very wrong.

I strongly suspect I have dyspraxia. I haven't sought a diagnosis because I don't think it would be of any benefit to me. If I was being asked to do something involving co-ordination etc. I might say I'm a bit clumsy and not very good at this type of thing. I might even say that I suspect I might be dyspraxic but haven't sought a diagnosis. I wouldn't say "My dyspraxic brain means I can't do that".

I also wouldn't keep bringing up "my dyspraxia" every time I go to lunch with friends in the same way my colleague/friend keeps bringing up her "ADHD" despite no attempt to seek diagnosis. I do like her but honestly I don't think I have had a single lunch with her since she "realised" that hasn't involved at least 5-10 minutes on this subject.

I am (diagnosed with) ADHD. Nobody except my kids know.

I work very very hard to make sure my behaviour doesn't impact on others. A diagnosis is an explanation FOR ME, not for everyone else. I have heard 'I can't do that, it's my ADHD brain' too many times to count now.

What kind of response are you imaging I gave her? You seem to have completely made up a scenario in your head which is kind of odd.

I cannot for the life of me understand how anyone can not find someone making light of a disorder, any disorder, helpful to those who genuinely have it. I know my friend, and yes she is my friend, that doesn't mean I have to agree with everything she does or how she behaves. I'm not giving other examples, but most of us would doubt someone who has shown no signs of ADHD (and I think I would have picked up on something when we shared a flat), then announces it with a laugh in a coffee shop. The 'oh I'm so flaky because I have ADHD' trope is damaging. In her case, she is the opposite of flaky and is 'acting' a part at the moment.

So call me a bad friend if you like, but this is why so many people don't take autism, AuDHD, ADHD seriously. Because people undermine it and it's really damaging to others who are desperately seeking help and support.

Wow. Where are you located?

South Yorkshire. I used right to chose.

I think it is odd that you assume she is making light of a 'disorder' (I don't agree with using this word). If she is bringing it up so often, it's weird that you don't ask her more about it, what she has found out, talking to her about the possibilities of diagnosis, if that's what she wants to do, etc. The people that 'diagnose' ADHD are not magical wizards, they have just read a lot of books about it, etc. There is no definitive test and she doesn't need a diagnosis to prove she has it. She needs support and understanding. I don't see how being a flat mate would make someone an expert in these things. Your post reads like you are the expert and know best, but dismissing her, who is the only person that knows what is going on inside her head. That is odd.

I don't see how not pursuing a diagnosis is damaging to anyone else. In fact, it could well be argued it is a positive for those who are stuck on long waiting lists. There is no benefit to most people to getting a diagnosis other than if they want one, need it to prove accommodations at work or get meds. If she doesn't want or need those things, how is it damaging? And if you are qualified to diagnose her just by being a friend, and are 100% sure she doesn't have it, then maybe talk to her about how it could be perimenopause or some other reason she is forgetting things and how perhaps she shouldn't tell people she suspects ADHD as it upsets you (for some reason).

You're lucky. My GP surgery has an active policy to try to avoid, deflect and deny the RTC. It's ridiculous.

I can honestly say that my adhd would at best have me literally biting my cheeks, or at a minimum blurting out exactly what I thought about someone going around claiming ‘cos adhd’.
So the fact op hasn’t done so leads me to believe she’s shown understanding I certainly wouldn’t.
Not to say I don’t empathise with those struggling with symptoms I’ve fought to manage, not least because I expect equal understanding for the symptoms I struggle with. But ‘omg I’m so adhd’ is feeding the same bullshit stereotype as pretending we’d all starve to death if people didn’t remind us to eat, or that we have an uncontrollable desire to violently attack people for no reason, or that we all bounce off walls 24/7

No, my posts don't read that at all. In fact, I doubt you've read them given that you've just made up so much in your own head. She doesn't mention it so often, this is the first time. You've stated that I didn't ask her about what she had found out etc., I did, you weren't there. I didn't 'assume' she made light of it, she literally laughed and joked about her ADHD brain. However, there's literally no point in continuing responding to posts from someone who clearly hasn't even read mine and has just made up a little story in their head. It's possible to disagree and discuss in a mature manner without doing that, so I'll leave it there. Have a good evening.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. I believe that's so damaging and why so many people don't take ADHD seriously. It's an absolute battle for people to get support as it is.

YANBU when I got sent out of almost every class at school, I didn’t stand outside the classroom with most of the class.
I stood there all on my own.

Usually in response to excusing bad behaviour

This is so familiar. Except I wouldn’t stand outside, I’d go elsewhere or on occasion leave the classroom without being told because I thought I’d explode if I sat there any longer. Or argue in great depth about why I should or shouldn’t leave because their reasoning offended my sense of justice.
Although tbf there were a handful of teachers that either captivated me or left me alone to read.
Again, I don’t remember the regular members of the ‘I forgot to bring my pen’ crowd joining me in these activities.

I’ve been thinking about this thread and the stereotypes for ‘an ADHD brain’. Far more than being forgetful or late, which i’ve strategised for successfully for decades, it’s the ‘obligatory social niceness’ which i perpetually struggled with as a female. I’m experimenting with how far i can let this drop now, as my kids are no longer at play group/school/in any way dependent on social capital i garner on their behalf. And work is very mapped out, my routines, the social protocols for work events.

so someone i haven’t seen in 20 years came up to me in the supermarket and started telling me all about her kids. Utterly puzzled, i said what i really thought “ why are you telling me this and why do you think i’d be interested?’ And walked away. I wish i’d been doing this for decades. So much time and energy freed up.

Yes, you might be right. And that was how it was for a long time for people with IBS. It's only now that diagnoses are becoming a bit more specific for some people with bowel issues if not everyone. Although the fact that the same medications generally help everyone diagnosed with ADHD does suggest that the route cause is the same even if the symptoms can be very different.

I definitely think that we shouldn't be diagnosing those who are adamant that they don't have a disorder with something that is called a disorder. Especially if these people are going to go around arguing that they're not living with a disorder. It's harming the credibility of the diagnosis for those who are living with a significant degree of impairment that could not be described as anything other than a disorder.

Wow, really having a bad day? 😄Or just RSD?
If you don't like people disagreeing with you, then don't post on here. But also, if you are gonna post, don't be mean.

Absolutely agree. It's hard enough for those who need support to get it as it is isn't it. It's a bit like 5 years ago when everyone decided they had an anxiety issue when they were in fact worrying over very normal issues that we all do. It meant people with genuine GAD struggled to be heard.

It's a long wait often still (years for autism) and travel. Some areas don't even have a running service now.

I’m never likely to get an assessment because of the length of waiting lists in my area. I think it may even be closed now. No ‘right to choose’.

So reading this thread I realise I will never speak to anyone ever about this or raise any of the things I struggle with because of the stigma of it all. People with a diagnosis will hate me and so will the general population. I’m keeping all the loathing to myself thanks very much.

Indeed