'My ADHD brain'

[ForDucksSake]

I feel like I am hearing/reading this constantly now. It feels like the new anxiety. Why are people seemingly self-diagnosing themselves with ADHD now?

I work with children with autism and ADHD, so I know a fair bit about this disorder. It can be really difficult to manage for some people and it pisses me off that people I have known for years have suddenly decided that they have it because they did a fucking online quiz. It minimises the issues that some people who have ADHD really have.

A friend, who I have known for years announced last week that her 'ADHD brain' is the reason she forgets her purse every time we meet for lunch. When asked about this sudden diagnosis, she said that she had done a quiz and 'it all makes sense now'. I keep this online too, is it just me noticing this?

Yes, it pisses me off too..it seems everyone has ADHD these days. Rather than we used to accept people had different personalities and character traits.

The OCD thing is annoying too. I had it as a child and it's debilitating. People use it because they like a tidy house

🤣🤣🤣 Hilarious.

It's the particular phrase which absolutely grates on me. I have ADHD (diagnosed decades ago) ffs and I can't stand it. It's ridiculous

Yes, your "friend" is a bit of an arse because she "forgets" her purse. That is a friendship problem as there are many people with ADHD out there (myself included) who carry their life around with them in their bag so they don't forget anything ever, and/or have existing strategies to deal with forgetting things. There is always a very good chance I don't have cash on me, on account of the ADHD, but I would happily transfer you money on my phone. Yes, there is a subset of people with ADHD who have no boundaries and think the world owes them a favour (I know many!), but I promise we are not all like that and you shouldn't tar us all with the same brush just because someone hasn't got a diagnosis yet.

There are Right to Choose providers out there who will prescribe medication themselves if your GP will not provide shared care. Sorry if you don't live in England or are in an area with a terrible ICB. https://adhduk.co.uk/right-to-choose/right-to-choose-wait-times/

Bonden

There’s ‘we all struggle’ and the struggle of wondering why your struggle is harder. Db was diagnosed late with autism. Had he not been diagnosed he would still have found life incredibly stressful and everything tough but people would have just said ‘we all struggle’ because they wouldn’t see his behind closed doors version.

The people who said he might just be a loner when he was younger are quiet now 20 years later as they see how he’s disimproved over the years. But he’d never ever have gone for a diagnosis had it not been put forward for him and his life would still be the same. People are apples and oranges, you can’t compare struggles

To be fair, dd and I do both joke to each other about "adhd brain" sometimes. We are both diagnosed and both struggle with similar things, it's our way of making light of it and it's a shorthand way of communicating to each other that we are struggling with something. But we can do this between us because we both know that the reality of adhd really isn't something to laugh at.

Neither of us would ever say it to someone else. IMO, adhd isn't a valid excuse for being flaky or letting others down etc. Most people who actually struggle with it are at pains not to let the world see how much they're struggling with it.

Agreed. My DD was recently diagnosed and I was blindsided as she doesn’t show any of the signs I’d thought were part of adhd (she is also autistic) - mainly due to the discussions people have about online, which gave me a false perception of the condition and the problems it causes. Now I know more I believe most people who self diagnosed don’t have it at all.

Im diagnosed with severe combined type and spend most of my time feeling stupid, useless, anxious, incompetent, worthless and I don’t want people to feel like that, I really don’t, bit I do see where you’re coming from.

I don’t think adhd is over diagnosed, I think people should have the help they need but at the same time, in recent years, I feel like adhd has almost been romanticised and whimsyfied.

I’ve heard “my adhd brain” a lot in the last year or two from people who until recently, were the types to berate me with “it’s not that hard” “you’re so stupid” when I’ve messed up and say, and I find it very hard to give them kindness and understanding when they’re now saying things my “oh my adhd brain makes me forget that” while they view other peoples mistakes or people who more severely affected than them it’s “adhd is no excuse”

And another change I’ve noticed in online support groups is the way a lot of posts are often “why do all the NTs on the supermarket get in my way” “why do the NTs all stare at me when I get on the bus” it’s almost like they think everyone in public shared spaces who isn’t them must be neurotypical and therefore, in the wrong.

I can’t bear this and will always correct someone if they say it.
As for ADHD - I’m sure many people have ‘features’ of it but wouldn’t reach a diagnosis threshold.

What winds me up is the phrase 'neurospicy', it just seems to make light of the condition. My partners son has been diagnosed with ADHD and it's not a laughing matter.

Most of us with diagnosed and medications for things like our adhd/asd/ocd etc never mention it and never use it as an excuse for things. The only people I hear mentioning it are people with self diagnosis and/or ignorant people.

I always thought I had ADD, was actually diagnosed with it, turned out to be a B12 deficiency.

I broadly agree with both the sentiment that it's overused, and the feeling that I think a lot of people actually ARE quietly struggling on the wider spectrum of it. More knowledge is a powerful thing, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if ADHD, in varying degrees, is in fact the normal state of being and we have until now pretty much all been working to a false societal standard.

I was diagnosed with ADHD last year and I went though a period of grief about how I've spent my whole life feeling like I was drowning and what could have been different. Relationships that died, jobs I've lost, friendships I've ruined. I wouldn't wish that on anyone and if people are more aware, great. But diagnosed, curious, suspecting or otherwise - I don't feel like ADHD is anything to use as a fluffy excuse for anything. I keep my diagnosis (and kept my suspicions) on the down low, it's not something I wave around all the time - life still has to be lived, I still have to function on society, and my 'ADHD' brain still causes problems for other people!

Forgetting my purse all the time isn't a tinkly laugh - it's a I'm so sorry, how can I fix this - bank transfer, cash etc. I'm trying to let go of the shame, but still very much accountable for the consequences.

I'm diagnosed with autism, ADHD and OCD. I was diagnosed many years ago and was hugely secretive about it all, and therefore dreadfully isolated (as well as quite desperately mentally ill during periods). My whole life course has been dictated by the above.

Personally, I love how much awareness there is about ADHD now, and I have no issue with people referring to an "ADHD brain". Or an "OCD brain", for that matter.

The stigma I felt years ago is definitely diminishing, and it's nice to come across people who now openly admit to having similar struggles.

I really don't think people are deciding they have ADHD solely from an online quiz. It will be one of many dots they've joined up: a lifetime of experiences. You just don't know what's been going on in their head or their life all this time.

My daughter has Autism (diagnosed) so obviously I have read as much as I can about the spectrum and see lots of different things online etc etc. I’m starting to see traits in myself and am toying with possibly maybe getting a referral for myself. However, I would never refer to myself as Autistic or having ADHD as I could be totally wrong and I am not diagnosed!

I used to find it so triggering when people said this about OCD. ‘My OCD made me tidy’ etc etc. hahaha.
As someone who was drowning at the time with uncontrolled OCD. (Wont go into the ins and outs but it was intrusive thoughts) I could only dream about OCD ‘only’ meaning I would have a clean house!
This is exactly the same. ADHD is cool right now.

💯 this!

Sorry I didn’t read back before I replied myself, but exactly this!

yep people at work wearing it like a badge once they get a diagnosis or if they think they have as their child has & oh I can get PIP now 😤.... Er Bore off

Yanbu - I definitely fall into some of the add (definitely not the h) traits. It seems menopause)/life means women especially notice this more, although it feels like everyone has it now. It's a very different thing to actually having the actual condition.

Maybe she needs to read up on executive function.

Oh my gosh! This is a revelation. I never knew the bag thing. I just thought I had finally learnt to adult a bit better.
I am one of those ADHD but not diagnosed. I'm so annoying arnt I. Jumping on the bandwagon. Cos we're all a bit ADHD arnt we. It vindicates me that I'm not just a stupid stupid person who can't relate to people and fails to adult properly . I'm also very successful and appear organised. And i have limited sympathy for people who don't use strategies. Or at least bloody try to. When I drop the ball I drop it hugely - and immediately go into a shame spiral which has on more than one occasion turned into self harm. So maybe I don't have ADHD - maybe I have trauma and I'm a mess cos I am.
But I don't think most people have had such a difficult life as me. And mostly (now) i can manage it. It isn't a excuse, it's self insight to understand how better to forgive myself and use different strategies. And more importantly knowing it's not all my fault stops the impulse to throw myself in front of a car when I forget to pick up the kids etc.

I’ve yet to meet anyone who suspects they are ND who aren’t.

Life is hard and is pushing more people into situations where they constantly struggle.

Getting a diagnosis is very difficult with long waiting times (dd is currently 4 years in and yet to be given a date for assessment). On paper it sounds easy, meanwhile in rl it’s a lengthy and difficult process.

I suspect that far more people are ND than we currently think, but the ND population is growing in adults and children because life is so fucking difficult it’s pushing more of us beyond our limits of coping.

I'm awaiting an autism assessment and have had OCD for many years. I think ppl who really think they've got it need to make an effort to manage the conditions and definitely not just base it on a quiz. I wanted to know what was going on with me to provide a jumping off point to treatment and support. Not just to use as an excuse every time I do something that causes problems for others.

I feel ADHD in particular is being self-diagnosed a lot now & whilst it's great to have more dialogue about it and less stigma, I think ppl should see it as a journey. Not just 'I have it and therefore use it as an excuse for everything' - more like, I have it and this is what support I'm getting for myself to help me manage it for my benefit and my loved ones.

I wonder how genuine ppl are sometimes when they seem so breezy about it, as I find it very difficult day to day. I appreciate there's so much diversity and not everyone finds it such a struggle. But sometimes when I see a self-diagnosed person's expression when they hear the things I can't do, and all the support I need to function, the cynical part of me doubts them because I think they see what it really looks like and start backtracking. I watched the same minimising of OCD from ppl over the years who act like it's super relatable, then they backtrack when they hear I've been crying because I couldn't feel clean after 2 showers and 4 changes of clothes. Suddenly not so relatable hey! But this is what it looks like for me. My experience has been, there are pros and cons to the emerging discussions: less stigma, but more minimising and toxic positivity.

It's not easy, I believe I'll be in support groups and in and out of therapy for the rest of my life. But that's what I need to do to be well.

Same.
My husband and children know... nobody else.
Not even disclosed it to work.