I’m talking to my own partner on a dating app.

[Ahitsteatime]

Currently 20 weeks pregnant, partner had taken it badly. Stropping around, not sure he wanted the baby then he did, making mistakes at work saying he was depressed. This is our first and was an accident. After weeks of him being up or down, I checked his phone. Mainly because I was worried he had been searching suicide methods or something. But no, I found a dating app.

He didn’t really have many chats about three and they were flirty and sort of sexual. I felt more annoyed than upset. I stupidly then decided to make an account, I don’t know why. I guess I wanted to see it for myself and control the narrative.

Used random photos off Reddit and he matched with me and I’ve been messaging him across the room. He’s told a ton of lies, single obviously, lives alone, new job, used older pictures😂. Such a piece of shit. It’s very interesting how he’s suddenly taking his phone in the shower

its been a week and now he’s away for work in a hotel. I’m at home, and messaging him. He’s not replied to my WhatsApp but has replied to “Graces” several times. Saying she’s gorgeous, asking if she models. Yuck

i need to end it when he gets home and have told my mum and im making plans but I kinda love he’s making an absolute tit of himself. Part of me wants to arrange a meet up and then turn up myself but he’s volatile. Thinking I could get my mum and dad sat in the pub when he goes to meet “Grace”. He’d be horrified and panicky then. Fucking twat.

I never understand this kind of comment. I mean yes, that would work if he was a casual boyfriend who had a few clothes and a toothbrush at yours, but when people live together, that's half a house worth of stuff to be split up, you'd need a removal van not a few bin bags!

Anyway....I agree with other posters, never ever reveal that you are Grace, he will turn it around on you and accuse you of being on dating apps too. If you do want him out, I would keep Grace going until he is gone, as a PP said, he is more likely to go without a fuss if he thinks there's OW as a back up. I would also want to know whether he would go as far as to actually meet OW, so I would arrange a meet up. It might give you some light relief if he refuses to actually meet. At least then you'll know what you're dealing with.

@biffwellington has the right idea. Your safety should be your priority when ending it. I don’t like the sound of him. He sounds like he will try to make your life miserable if he feels humiliated

Just to add, is there proof of his income available to you? Tax returns or payments into an account? Take copies if so, as he may lie to CSA about his income, in order to pay you less support. My ExH convinced the CSA that he earned £32,000 when in fact, he earned £132,000! I had no proof and they believed him. He underpaid me by about £30k and I'll never see that money. I would never have thought he would do this, but once you split up, people can turn very nasty and fight for every penny.

@Ahitsteatime , the most dangerous time for domestic violence is when leaving a partner or shortly after.

Pregnancy is an intensifier.

Satisfying as it is to catfish this lying POS, think of yourself and your daughter. Change the locks, get your parents to your house when he's due back, and tell him you'll agree a time when he can collect the rest of his stuff.

I agree, don’t reveal you are Grace at this stage. Perhaps tell him you have been told he has a POF account and you don’t want to be with someone who would actively try and cheat on you. If he tries to manipulate you into believing it was nothing and he never did anything on it, you know the truth, you don’t need him to admit it. It will also give you insight if he manages to convince you he’s genuinely sorry, Grace can pop up again and see how he handles it.

Yes, very.
There is a baby involved, yet to be born

I completely agree and wish some other posters would realise this is OPs actual life.

Not only is it making her feel like shit that he’s replying to this Grace woman and not her but it’s incredibly dangerous to be playing games with someone who is already volatile.

Nobody is winning here.

OP is using it as a delay tactic so she can still talk to him and not have to fully end it yet.

This is someone that OP needs to have in her life for the next 18years.
Playing petty games is not going to make those 18years any easier and it will become constant tit for tat drama.

She is also on the dating site and cannot claim that he’s doing wrong by being on there, when she is too.
He could easily say that she went on there looking for other men but then saw him so created a new profile.

There can be no good outcome from this.

She wants some sort of justice for her heartbreak but this isn’t going to do it.

As cliche as it sounds, the best revenge is just doing better and moving forward.

I’m really sorry this is happening to you. I suspect subconsciously, you always knew he was not marriage material. The fact that you are not married and you own the house will make it easier from a practical but not an emotional standpoint.
OP, now the person who matters in all of this is your child. Your focus needs to be on her. Finding out now allows you to plan for the birth and the postpartum phase. Start this now. You will need support.
tempting as it is to confront him with Grace, remember that it is possible your daughter will want a relationship with her father. Do not poison the well at this point. It will come back to haunt you. You need to be able to look your daughter in the eye and let her know you’ve done everything possible to make her life a success. You don’t need to have much more to do with him but you need to be there for to support her if she wants him in her life. You could have 20 years of him at weddings, graduations, school events etc.

Wow a long time! This is so sad that it’s come to this. Your poor baby and you deserve better. Is he having some sort of breakdown over you being pregnant do you think? Was relationship ok up to now?

I would not reveal you are Grace. I would lead him down the merry ride of thinking that some woman actually decided he was kind of repulsive and wanted him to leave her alone or just ghosted him or in some ways made him feel in adequate rather than revealing it was you because then he’ll just forget that whole episode I’d rather use it To make him feel shit. But then I’m petty

I'm sorry this has happened OP. Some men can be such entitled shits.

Amongst other things, I also caught now exDH on a dating app, he linked it to our shared email account.

After we split up, I came across him on a different dating app too, I was just having a look at the app so was just using a random picture of something like a tree so he didn't know it was me. I was a bit shocked only replied very briefly because I was curious to see what he'd say. He bombarded me with messages and asked to meet up.

He was also at the begining of his relationship with his now wife.

Fucking knob head.

As hard as it is also being pregnant, one day, you will look back and be glad that you found out now. You have your whole life ahead of you with your new baby. Better to know now than later.

OP, arrange to meet him, then do not go. But message him later to say you/Grace did go but thought he had misrepresented himself and his looks, she didn’t fancy him, knock his confidence.

I'd be asking for dick pics. Then send a laughing emoji. Then block him.
He won't get over that in a hurry.

And never let on it was you.

Just make sure that whatever happens you choose you baby's name yourself & make sure she has your surname. I also wouldn't put him on the birth certificate but I understand there are strong views about whether this is right or wrong on here.

Ultimately its unlikely he is going to hang around much when your daughter is born so please make your & your daughters lives much easier by her having your surname & him not being on the birth certificate.

You dont' have to look har on this site for the horror stories of mums who didn't do this in similar circumstances & are now really struggling being tied to a dead beat dad who plays no part in his children's upbringing or lives but still manages to control where they live, go to school, their name, go on holiday etc -its not worth the risk!

I agree with a PP that it will be easier (and safer) to get him to leave if he thinks he has somewhere else to go - but once that's done ghost him as Grace. Don't tell him it was you and don't play games - you need to starting moving on with your life.

The poor child about to be born into this situation.

This.
Just sort a date and have someone suitably ready to tell him to f*ck right off and close the door on his way out.

Hello all, thanks for the lovely comments and support. My mum is coming today to help bag his stuff up and will be here when I call to end the relationship. I’ve been running on adrenaline I think, fueled by a sort of chase feeling but at the bottom of it it’s just sadness and mostly disappointment if anything. I’ve also got a massive ick with him now.

I won’t be revealing I’m Grace but will be telling him he just doesn’t do it for her physically (as her) before blocking and will say someone else saw him on there and send me the screenshots of his profile (which I have). He’s crafty, sneaky and at a vulnerable time when I needed him, he does this. Bastard. He even chose this app called Breeze, as he knows I have friends who are dating and use the more common ones such as tinder and he’d be seen. He planned this and I can’t trust him ever again.

Set the date... get him there.. youre 5 mins out etc etc.. but never go.

When youre 30mins late message and say.. look this is awkward but when you arrived you realised hed obviously used old photos and you dont find balding/flabbly/heavier/older (whichever sorta adjective is likely to hit the biggest nerve) attactive so hes not for you. Then block him.

It would be ideal if your break up and this date aligned.

There’s nothing poor about the child, I’m sure OP will bring the child up perfectly fine on her own, and there’s nothing to say the dad won’t be around.

As tempting as it is to do a big reveal and update your photo of Grace in due course, I would also never let on. You have the proof you need that he is not the long term partner for you or the father you want for your child.

The last thing you want to do is to give him any evidence that he could use in a court of law that you manipulated him and lead him on. While not remotely relevant to custody, it could create bias towards him making him ironically a more sympathetic character.

Just dump him. From a great height and don't put him on a birth certificate. Keep the screenshots you need as a reminder when he inevitably wants to play happy families in a house you pay for, but remove any evidence he may have.

Nonsense.
The OP has taken control over this.

It's the father of the child who ought to be deeply ashamed. He won't be, though. These men only ever think of one thing, and it isn't their children.

Breeze does not allow chats except one hour before a,date? Breeze - No chat, just real dates https://share.google/vwvyDTReZ7knkvAo1

Must be a different app?

Excellent. Mahe him feel rejected by Grace. Exactly my plan!