Should we keep a bedroom for DSD once she leaves for university?

[LeavingForUni]

Having a slight disagreement with dh as he wants us to leave a bedroom as is for DSD who is going to uni the other end of the country in sep!
She only stayed once or twice a month anyway and my 2 DDs are sharing due to this. I told dd1 she could then have her own room in September. If DSD ever visits she can share with dd2 who will be in the bigger room. Surely this is fine!

how far away from her mums house do you live? Not that it would change my opinion but if you are very close then there is no reason he can’t see her easily when she’s back staying at her mums if she doesn’t want to share a room/stay in step sisters room while your girls share.

I think the girls who live there full time should get their own rooms. I’d think that even if it were not originally your house but because it was that makes my opinion stronger

Er I'm sorry but OPs kids are dealing with all that including their dad being dead so... maybe in this situation they're getting the shitty end of the stick?

Its time your daughters had a room each.
If it was me id be saying to my husband that my daughters are having a room each so its either they use so room or he and I sleep on a sofa bed in the living room and one of them has our bedroom. And start looking at sofa beds.

I bet he'll suddenly think his daughter will have to accept that room reallocation is perfectly normal and not a rejection of her

Right now it’s A levels isn’t it so if you leave it until she is excited about where shes going it might all work out just fine. She might even suggest it herself nearer the time

@Dragracer I didn’t say OP’s DDs weren’t getting shitty end of stick, I was just responding to another poster saying stepchildren are treated as the second coming. I don’t think any DC in this scenario are getting a great deal

Mine is back and forth so we couldn’t give up her room. Infact all her friends go back and forth home to university.

Your girls should never have been made to share in the first place.

The best compromise now is to give them their own rooms and put a trundle bed under the bed in the bigger room. When DSD comes to stay, your girls share and she gets the single.

Best option.
She will have long holidays at uni.. Christmas, Easter and Summer, longer than school holidays.. and when she graduates, it will take time for her to find a graduate job in the current market, so it will be a while before she is self sufficient.

Could your daughters have their own rooms on the basis that when and if your step daughter comes to stay that your two daughters share for the time she is there, that way the majority of the time they have their own room, but share occasionally and your step daughter also has her own space for the odd time she’s there, allowing you to gauge how often she would be visiting, the likelihood is she wont come home every weekend, and even if she does potentially time shared between her mum and dads. I don’t think there is an ideal solution that doesn’t cost a fortune, and you don’t know how long this will be an issue for. Fingers crossed you find a compromise that suits you all.

Where is she going to call “home”?

But the OP's stepdaughter visits once a month now, imagine when she's off to Uni. She may visit 3/4 times a year.

That's a really good point. Plus if she is sitting exams there may be real uncertainty about what is happening next year.

Her room shouldn't have been promised to another child without at the very least telling her first.

Probably her mum's

Yes, you DDs should have their own room. If your home was SDs main residence it would be more tricky, but it is not. Get a pull out bed for the larger of the two rooms so she can stay over and a place for her things. It's stunning you would contemplate keeping a bedroom empty when it's needed for your kids.

I dont understand people saying the DSD daughter room should stay the same..she's only staying max 1 or 2 weekends a month as is. Once she's at uni she will only be home for holdiays which i assume she will be staying at her mums as that is her primary home. Your partner is being ridiculous.

I'm pretty sure it's not uncommon for siblings to move into childrens rooms when they go to uni, especially if they were sharing previously. This is in households where all children are from the same family and have no second home. I think your DH is being unreasonable as she only stays once or twice a month. In fact I think it's a bit selfish of you DSD to expect your children to share after loosing their dad just to keep her room free for a few times a year.

It makes total sense.
Why should your daughters continue to share when SD off to university, she will now potentially have THREE bedrooms, at her mums, at her dad's and one at university.
Come on people get a grip!
I'd sort out the rooms during the summer holidays personally.
Good luck OP

I agree with you. She has her own room at her Mothers. I find this a bit selfish tbh.

Just do it, you don't need his permission, it should have been done ages ago.

He is obviously worried she may not want to come and stay once she has left for uni, but if she is only there 2 nights a month anyway that is no reason to force the other two to share permanently on the off chance she wants to stop over.

Bloody madness.

Your DH is utterly ridiculous and your DSD is a spoilt brat.

Your two children who live there FULL TIME should have a room each.

Your mistake in all of this was remarrying after your husband died and letting this new H move in whilst all of your children were still children.

In moves the penis who starts calling the shots, guided by his father guilt.

No way in hell would my children, who have lost their father and now had a new fella move into their home, be worse off than the spoilt brat who has her own big bedroom at her mums, and thinks she can commandeer a whole bedroom for herself despite hardly ever being there! What a little madam.

Newsflash, this man is not the boss, despite what he thinks.

Agree. It's totally selfish. She's got a room at her mothers house.

OP, how long has your DH been living in your house? And a room set aside for your DSD?

I think it's at least several years.

That's long enough for your DDs, whose only home it is, to share a room.

DD1 is upset at how long she has had to wait to get her own room.

DSD says she will be upset if she has to spend a couple of nights every few months in a room that used to be hers but no longer is.
Well, that's just tough.

Her being upset doesn't trump your DD1 being upset.

DSD had to cope with her parents divorcing, and spending time in 2 houses.

DDs had to cope with the illness and death of their father, and then their mum moving in another man and his daughter.

None of these things were the girls' choice.

It would have been much better not to put your DH on to the tenancy, but you did, so not point crying over that.
But it was originally your and your daughters' house.
Tell your DH that things will be changing, your DD will finally get their own rooms, and will share again on the few occasions that DSD visits, or she can share with DD2, whichever she prefers.

Stand up for your DDs!!

Well your daughters will be upset if they carry on sharing. There is no option that keeps everyone happy so without any additional things to consider it's sensible to move to practicalities and SD sharing when she returns is the most sensible option. I'm dumbfounded that a young person about to go to uni wouldn't see they were being a bit unfair about it!

It is. The step daughter is a spoilt brat. She already has a room at the other Parents house fgs.

It shouldnt be someone elses room. It should be a room shared by the two of them even if they take turns in who is occupying it. Both of the bedrooms would have two beds, two desks ets.