Should we keep a bedroom for DSD once she leaves for university?

[LeavingForUni]

Having a slight disagreement with dh as he wants us to leave a bedroom as is for DSD who is going to uni the other end of the country in sep!
She only stayed once or twice a month anyway and my 2 DDs are sharing due to this. I told dd1 she could then have her own room in September. If DSD ever visits she can share with dd2 who will be in the bigger room. Surely this is fine!

Agree.

In reality, I hadn’t even finished packing up my things when my younger sister was already painting my room to her taste. Most people don’t have the space to entertain this sort of nonsense.

Agree with a pp that the adults need to manage the SD’s expectations better.

They had to share from the outset as my ex h was unwell so we needed separate rooms (that’s why I got a 3 bed as he had medical equipment etc , he passed away only 6 months after we moved in) I kept them sharing while I got things sorted out as that took ages just because I was avoiding doing it.

Why have you allowed DH to do this? You were adequately housed, with enough room for your daughters to have a room each - in fact that's what the council gave them. Then DH comes along, lays down the law and dictates that your daughters needs come second to his daughters needs and you've allowed it!
ETA - just saw your update, but that doesn't change things. This was their home first, they shouldn't come second to his daughter.

It will upset her?

Your stepdaughter needs to get a fucking grip.

As above they shared a room initially due to circumstances with my ex h who was unwell. It just ended up staying that way as I didnt have the energy to sort the rooms out for quite a long time

Your sd has a room that’s at her mums. Why should she get on there, one at yours and one at uni whilst your DD’s don’t even have a room of their own. Your DD’s need a room each in this scenario they definitely come first imo.

If it was me I'd put dd2 and dsd in the large room together now let them both decorate their halves. Dd1 gets the smaller room to herself. When dsd is away dd2 gets her own room and when dsd comes home she has a bedroom to come home to

A garden room might work but I’d have to check if that’s allowed

The SD has her own bedroom at her mum's house. She will have her own room in her student accommodation. Meanwhile, OP's daughters have had to share to accommodate her despite the fact she only infrequently stays over. Time for them to get their own room and she can share with whatever stepsister she prefers when she comes back to stay.

I think it’s ridiculous she’s had a room to herself kept mostly empty for all this time.
I think the best way is to-
your daughters have a room each but one has two beds in the bigger room and they can both keep their stuff in the bigger room.
when sd is back from uni then your daughters go in together.
same when a guest stays.
I said similar to another thread where the step mum was wondering to have a step kids sharing room and a guest room or give them a room each when they didn’t stay often

So let me get this straight…we have one girl who will have 3 rooms all to herself (halls, Mum’s, Dad’s), and two girls who have to share a room 24/7 to facilitate this? Sounds fair.

Seriously??? They don’t need any more bedrooms, and I would NOT be sleeping in a garden cabin under these circumstances!

There was a very similar thread yesterday, also a disagreement about DH/P’s child living in the OP’s council house.

Anyway OP YANBU. If he wants to live somewhere bigger he needs to figure out how to fund it.

By the same token, why should the OP's daughters have to continue sharing while a perfectly good bedroom remains empty for 97% of the time?

Why would one of the DD’s. Have to give up their room and share ? Why can’t DSD share with the DD who has the biggest room ?

DSD doesn’t want to sleep in a room that was hers and then is clearly someone else’s she said that will upset her

Madam needs to get over herself

So your SD will have her own bedroom at University, her own room at her mum's where she stays for most of the time that she is at home, and her own room in the house that was yours where, I presume, your daughters used to have their own rooms but had to move in together to give a room to your SD?

DD will have three rooms of her own while your own daughters have half a room each. That really isn't fair and your DH is being really unreasonable.

ETA I have now seen your post where you say that your DD's have always shared a room. However, they are both older now and and need their own space. Your SD has plenty of rooms of her own.

I understand that, which is why I edited my post to say that it doesn't really make a difference. I get its a difficult situation but it was their home first, it's their only home and under the circumstances, they shouldn't have to share. At some point the room was sorted out, which is why DSD has it. If DSD was there all of the time, or was significantly older than your DDs I might see it differently, but I stand by my previous post. DH should not be able to call the shots like this and dictate that your daughters have to keep sharing while his daughter has a barely used room to herself, just sitting there. His daughter might feel put out but if I was your daughter I would feel very resentful indeed, and unfortunately that resentment is more likely to be directed towards you and not DH or DSD.

Op you should have never allowed him
to move into your home and dictate where your daughters should sleep in their home.

Could a compromise be your DD1 moves into DSD room when she goes to uni but agrees to share with DD2 on when she visits ?
It tricky ,on the one hand i cant imagine not keeping my DD room for her to return to whilst at uni but can see sharing a room in teen yrs isnt ideal and if a bedroom is not in use for most of the time its silly not to use it.
What do your DSD and DDs think?

It’s too late though, she’s added him to the tenancy. This should have never been allowed in the first place.

Being able to create an extra bedroom space would minimize the potential arguments and ill feeling. It would give all three girls their own space for now and continuing into early adulthood.

I wasn’t suggesting the OP and DH slept in a garden room. It’s the sort of set up that an 18 year old would love though.

However if that’s not possible then I think making sure the child going through A levels has a room of their own to maximize studying etc.

So DD1 for now, and DD2 in two years time. Everyone is compromising in that situation so it’s fairer.

Also the lesson is to talk all this through before people move in together.

If it had been clear that DSD could have her own room until she went to university and then would have to share until both DDs have got through their A levels then she would have had years to get used to the idea.

This is what you should do.

We always made our eldest bunk up with his DB when the grandparents came to stay. That was the deal for having the big loft bedroom.

So it was your house and yet your daughters have to share (when they don’t want to), just so a bedroom can sit there unoccupied for the majority of the time just because your DSD wouldn’t want to share? Yeah, fuck that.