Should we keep a bedroom for DSD once she leaves for university?

[LeavingForUni]

Having a slight disagreement with dh as he wants us to leave a bedroom as is for DSD who is going to uni the other end of the country in sep!
She only stayed once or twice a month anyway and my 2 DDs are sharing due to this. I told dd1 she could then have her own room in September. If DSD ever visits she can share with dd2 who will be in the bigger room. Surely this is fine!

The room has been empty majority of the last two years my dd1 has been desperate for her own room and has had to put up with it but DSD who has a massive room at her mums and is now moving to uni in sep is more important?

Because she doesn't live there? She has a main second bedroom somewhere else. She doesn't need a third spare bedroom that she will stay in a handful of nights in a year. Space is a premium these days and expecting to have three bedrooms at your disposal is bonkers. The adults need to manage her expectations better.

So buy a house where everyone can have their own room...

Well you do need a place for her to stay IMO, so either that's sharing with one of your daughters or finding a way to increase your number of bedrooms. Presumably the latter is out so why wait till she's gone to uni? Make the change now.

Your DD needs that room now more than your DSD.

The idea that it's abusive or neglectful not to keep a bedroom available for a young adult who has left home at least partially, and has a main second bedroom in the house she lives in almost full time now anyway, is absolutely mad. She will cope. If she feels rejected by this then she needs a stern talking to!

Your idea makes perfect sense. What does DSD think of it?

No I think that her dad has always had a room for her. The OP has struggled to have enough rooms for her 2 kids. Now she's expecting this man to give her kids something she or their father never could and by taking that away from his kid. They need a bigger house or the bio sisters share a room like theyve always done.

Oh stop it. This is the most insane, privileged, blinkered attitude. In 2026 it's impossible for most normal people to buy property (or rent) big enough to have bedrooms for everyone including people who don't live there.

This. Which is utterly bonkers. How long before someone pipes up 'it sounds like you don't like her very much'

Madness for the two girls who live there full time to share while there's a room that's only being used a handful of nights a year.

OP let your DDs each have their own room and ask the three of them how they want to sort it when DSD stays over. They might come up with a mutually agreeable solution despite your DH being obstructive.

She could.need to live there after uni. I think OP hasn't ever been abje to give her kids their own rooms and has to accept that. She cant give them that, never could.

Just nonsense.

And if that happens they cross that bridge when they come to it. In three years time

It isnt nonsense. Op said theyve shared for years. Probably their whole lives as OP couldn't give them a home large enough to have their own rooms which is fine but she still can't now.

She is 18. Has anyone actually spoken to her about this? Making it clear she is alway welcome and will always have a bed but pointing out the practicalities and why it makes more sense for her sisters to have a room each most of the time. Then discuss either her sharing with one when she visits or them sharing so she has space

Better to cross it now with the bio sisters staying in the shared room as per usual.

Whilst it 100%makes sense unfortunately I would expect relationship with her will decline
Because of this

She could need to live there when she's 40 if enough goes wrong in her life but no sane person would keep a room empty just in case.

The OPs kids could have had their own rooms 95% of the time years ago by the sounds of it if her DH had agreed to her applying common sense to the situation.

Only because some other man has funded it. Their bio parents have never been able to give that to them. Now she wants this man to take it away from his kid to.give to her and her exes kids.

Your language is weird. 'Couldn't give them a home large enough'. Circumstances change. Children get older. Younger children need their own space less than older ones. OP now has a house with enough bedrooms for her children not to share. It's mad to say they should keep sharing on some kind of weird twisted principle.

No, not better. Worse.

Your making an awful lot of assumptions!

You're so odd.

I think if you want your kids to have things like their own rooms, you and your co-psrent have to work to afford that. Not rely on someone else to make that happen for you.

No i just think people should support their own kids, don't you? And not rely on their new partners to give their kids a life their parents can't? Or are you more like "that man should pay for her and her kids"?