Should we keep a bedroom for DSD once she leaves for university?

[LeavingForUni]

Having a slight disagreement with dh as he wants us to leave a bedroom as is for DSD who is going to uni the other end of the country in sep!
She only stayed once or twice a month anyway and my 2 DDs are sharing due to this. I told dd1 she could then have her own room in September. If DSD ever visits she can share with dd2 who will be in the bigger room. Surely this is fine!

I think it’s perfectly reasonable. Personally I’d put something like a hemnes day bed in the larger room so you can pull it out and your two can share when she visits. My eldest sister had the largest room and my younger sister moved in there when she went to uni, just swapped when she visited. I think people get extra precious when it’s step children involved.

Absolutely the right decision

I’m pleased you are finding middle ground however this should have been addressed when DH was planning on moving in.

Telling your DD she can have the room because DSD was going to uni was inappropriately timed and raised her expectations before DSD’s Dad weighed in on the discussion.

as others have said, uni isn’t full time. There is also the chance that it might not have suited DSD too. Plenty dropped out in the first 6 months when ours went.

I don’t understand how council housing works in the uk. I presumed it was for those in need. Have you considered now you are in a new relationship and hopefully in a better financial situation (as DH appears to be able to fund a garden room) you might look for something larger in the private rental sector that keeps everyone under the same roof?

Yeah it’s unfair for 2 sisters to share but someone who only stays 24 times a year have their own room! I wouldn’t have done that in the first place

Why not just let dd sleep in the room from now on and explain when dsd comes home she will sleep in there and your 2 dd share. I can imagine your dh doesn’t want his dc to feel like she is no longer welcome. Eventually his dc won’t be coming home and then you can gradually make it your dd’s room. It seems unfair to make a kid share when a room is available but don’t make any decor changes. A garden room won’t make your dsd feel any better.

Good God all this fuss because it's a stepchild is pathetic, hell I vividly remember my brother stepping over me and my sister as we fought over his room whilst he was still packing 🤣🤣🤣

Having 2 kids sharing in this situation is ridiculous. Just stick one of your dds there and refuse to discuss it. Honestly 🙄

Why should any child be entitled to their own room whilst others share when they only stay once or twice a month, and are now off to uni, forgetting the fact that she also has her own room at her Mums? Ridiculous, your DH is being unreasonable here IMO.

OP said that her DH said that the stepdaughter thought that was even worse as it would clearly be someone elses room and she'd be upset. I know you said no decor changes, but I don't see how that would be fair on OPs DD, their first time getting their own room at 14 and 16 and they can't make changes and it has to be kept exactly as the stepdaughter wants it?

Yes your kids shoukd get their own room. She's now an adult and only stays once a month. If she lived with you full-time it would obviously be wrong.

I do think that DSD should be part of discussions in fairness, everyone should have a say in the household, but she needs to be under no illusion that you will be 'holding' a bedroom for her in the house, when there are two children there permanently who are way more in need of a bedroom each, and have up to now accepted sharing gracefully and without argument.

I'm glad your DH has seen the light (and this thread), and things are now happening. It's disappointing it has gone on this long though, based on your DSD only being there two nights a month!!

This is totally reasonable. However a dedicated space in the larger room that maybe has a screened off area. So she has privacy in her space. Its unreasonable that the two girls that live there should share anyway. As DSD has her own room at her mums. And your girl now require tge space too.
My boys lived at home and I had DSD who visited fortnightly she had to use dS2 room who then went on sofa in DS1 room. There was no way I'd have a room empty 95% of the time then expect the boys to share.
DSD wants Shouldn't come before DDs needs as they are resident your home.

Really? You have a child in a box room when a bigger room is empty half the time? I can see how that could happen if it had been their room for years and they're emotionally connected to it, but I really don't understand the reasoning behind that choice when moving house. It screams favouritism.

I didn’t say child.

No difference

How pissed did you feel when you read that OP was a widow with tenancy of a council house rather than the Jezebel of your imagination who had moved in with a man that she expected to fund and house her and her kids? You sound incredibly judgmental and very inflexible!

I didnt feel pissed. I still feel that is inappropriate for the SD to share with one of her daughters. The OP chose to have them move in.

Why is it inappropriate for a young adult who stays there at most twice a month?

Shes not just a young adult, she is the daughter of one of the tenants of the house. She isnt the sister of the two children.

Of course she's OP's husband's daughter, and not biologically related to her stepsisters. I still don't understand why she needs a room to herself when she stays over, sorry I'm really not trying to be obtuse!

She hasn't chosen to live with these other children and therefore should not have her privacy compromised by them. They aren't her siblings. She hasn't grown up as their big sister. OP wanted to move her man (and in turn his kid) anyway.