Why do men like this woman so much and women don't?

[Pjy]

I'm interested from a kind of study of the human condition pov, it's interesting to see the different ways people respond.

She's a woman I know through a sport. She's pretty good, but not outstanding. Works hard and deserves what she achieves. She's friendly and sociable, can perhaps be a bit opinionated, but nothing extreme, much less so than some men! She's "ordinary" to look at. Not unattractive, maybe a bit plain and doesn't seem particularly interested in her appearance (a good thing in my book). She's clean and presentable, but not glamorous or interested in clothes and makeup, not the obvious type to gain male attention iyswim.

She's very popular with men. I'm not saying the fancy her (maybe they do, I don't know), but they seem to enjoy being around her, respect her ability and training in a way they don't other, sometimes more successful, women.

Women, including me, just find something a bit off about her. I can't put my finger on it, I don't dislike her, but she's not someone I want to be friends with. Some of the other women really dislike her, but also can't really explain it.

Is it as straightforward as a bit of jealousy, or something else?

A typical conversation would be "Jane played well today. Nothing much to look at but I really like her".

Depending on my mood I'll either ignore or have a feminist rant about how her looks are irrelevant (or something I between).

I raised people's response to it, because it's interesting to me.

And yet here you are, discussing her with complete strangers on a chat forum...

I was trying to discuss the human response to it. Never mind.

I need to know this sport/activity so I can avoid it.

This doesn’t sound like she’s popular, in fact it sounds like they’re trying to bring her down.
The fact that the men can’t compliment her without somehow qualifying this with an insult to her looks is horrible.

Maybe they’re intimidated that she just gets on with things and isn’t trying to impress them.

Tell us which sports club so I can avoid it 😅 sounds like an odd club culture, that the men/you are all discussing her? This doesn't happen in my sport. Perhaps you can shut it down a bit by saying it's not in the spirit of the club?

My mum is a bit like this re "I just don't like her" - she has a lot of internalised misogyny, I suspect very heavily influenced by the women hating 90s-2000s culture of judging every woman's body and behaviour.

Sounds like me.
A plain Jane no interest in makeup or designer tags.
Just being herself and people like that, not everyone likes a pick me or someone thats slapped up to the nines.
They may talk about her looks because they can see her face, unlike some packed with botox fillers and makeup.

Well the men you play whatever this sport is with sound like total knuckle-draggers.

It doesn't happen in our sport except with her, which is why it's so interesting.

It's impossible to say from that description. It sounds like you dislike her/are jealous of the fact she's popular with men, and want to read something deeper into that. But there probably isn't anything. She's probably no more popular with men than anyone else but you are seeing it through a lens of dislike/envy for whatever reason.

I think it’s these men you should be thinking are a bit ‘off’. They sound disgusting.

Yes, they sound absolutely ghastly. As do the women playing this sport who range from 'finding something off about her' to 'really disliking her'.

Yes, do tell what the sport is, OP, so we can all avoid.

Exactly.

This is how the men speak about her, and the other women really dislike her.

They sound like a bunch of bullying 14 year olds, all of them.

I know a woman at work exactly like this. She is very friendly with all the men and shows no interest in being friendly with the vast majority of the women. I do not like her because of this. She is kind of icy and borderline rude to me but never so rude that I could complain or be rude back to her, but there is a total lack of warmth. have made a lot of effort to be friendly towards her to win her doing but all to no avail.

She is extremely confident in her abilities at work. She is certainly experienced and competent but not the best. I think she is borderline rude to some of the customers.

Is it as straightforward as a bit of jealousy, or something else?

It's the first one. HTH.

Is she unique in some way e.g. the only lesbian in the club? (seems unlikely in sports but you never know)
She's clearly an outlier somehow.

I have known a few girls/ women over the years who a lot of the boys/ men go absolutely mad for but as a woman it is difficult to understand what it is that makes her stand out. It is an interesting dynamic and I have often wondered about it.
I don’t think this is what you are describing though. Honestly, it just sounds like you all are not very nice people. The men are interested in her but insult her looks and the women don’t like her for no good, specific reason?

You sound jealous.

That either sounds like they're secretly attracted to Jane and are 'protesting too much' to try to assure their wives and girlfriends that they're not, or they're a bunch of sexist idiots who I wouldn't choose to be friends with.

Why on earth do they feel the need to constantly mention that they (apparently) think Jane isn't fuckable? Gross!!

Honestly, I'm much more interested in why you would continue to be friends with these men, than why you don't get along with Jane.

I know a woman at work exactly like this.

The woman you describe sounds nothing like the woman the OP is talking about?

Not even similar?

Maybe it's from the David Hayes' school of thought ? 😳

https://www.express.co.uk/showbiz/tv-radio/2193736/david-hayes-ugly-women-comments/amp

It doesn't sound like she's "popular" with the men in this club, from the comment you've said it sounds like she is being discussed quite cruelly by them. I wonder if she is aware that this sort of discussion goes on and what is being said about her! Poor woman.

This is all just really odd.

I think the key thing is does she behave very differently to men and women? Some women almost take pride in not liking other women and preferring men, is she like that? Or is there something else about her eg is she just very friendly with everyone? IMO men generally fancy decent looking women who show an interest in them, whether romantic or otherwise. So maybe she shows a real interest in how Geoff’s new weights regime is going and Geoff’s brain goes “gosh I like her” and can’t work out why because she’s not Jessica Rabbit.

A woman with no interest in fashion or makeup, oh gosh how awful. You know, there is such a thing as character and personality, wit and conversational ability. Shared interests. And outlandish as it seems, maybe men like to be friends with women who display them?