DH angry with me following work trip

[FlamingoFloss]

Been with my husband 19 years. We ‘were’ in a good place. He’s been away working this week. He got home this evening and I was round my neighbours (who he gets on with and we have a great community). I came out as soon as I saw him pulling up with our friend and came in to be with him. Chatted to our friend and offered him dinner which he declined as he said he needed to go. I said to my DH I’ve left my phone at neighbours so I’ll go grab it. No problem. Neighbour reminds me that I’m asking DH to go and see the band we saw last Saturday tonight (we all went and had a fab night) so call DH and ask him. He says he doesn’t want to go so I say fair enough, can you drop us around the corner as I’d quite like to go. We have tomorrow together (he’s working tomorrow evening) and we have Sunday and next week together. The connection drops so I try to call him back. He doesn’t answer. I’ve come home and he’s laid into me that he just wants to spend the time with me but I’d rather eff off with my neighbour (joint friend), threw his glass so it smashed in the kitchen, shouted at me some more that he’s been away working all week and I should just want to be with him and stormed upstairs telling me to eff off out.

Oh ignore the apologists for male violence and aggression OP. No way I would stay in a relationship with a person like this. No way no how. He is a prick.

he is basically an arsehole and you should pack a suitcase and LTB

Name calling and story twisting, deliberately the vast majority of my posts to make your silly twisted point. Just go away. There is no point to your post here. My stance on his behaviour has been very clear and you’ve now called me 2 names over it.

Go away

I read it as the OP was at the neighbour's house when the Op's husband returned from a business trip. The OP and the neighbour went to greet the OP's husband at the OP's house and the OP offered the neighbour (who was a "he") dinner but he declined.

The OP then went round to the male neighbour's house to get their phone that they'd "accidentally" left there and basically asked if their husband would drop the OP and their male neighbour off at a concert.

I'm not surprised the OP's husband is pissed off at her. Either because she wants a lift to go out with their male neighbour or because she can't communicate properly

She has clarified

I'm not the only one who though you were excusing this man's behaviour. @Manxexile said, quoting these exact words of yours,

"I'm not surprised the OP's partner is annoyed"

What is this, a zombie swarm of male apologists and misogynists?

I can see why he’s be annoyed.
You have all week to see your friend.

You literally saw this band last week, it’s not like it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Why did you ring him and not go and speak to him in person about it?
Thats really odd behaviour.

Your behaviour was not the best and I can see why he was upset and likely questioning the relationship.

However his behaviour is completely unacceptable.

This relationship isn’t working for either of you.

‘threw his glass so it smashed in the kitchen’

what does this actually mean? Chucked it in the recycling in a fit of pissed offness (not abusive in my book)

or launched it across the kitchen so it shattered everywhere (abusive in my book)

Right, now that she's clarified that she was talking to a FEMALE neighbour. Before that, it was pitchforks and basically saying that he's right to smash a glass aggressively in the sink.

OK, so OP talking to a male neighbour would have justified this behaviour?

Do you hear yourself?

I can also see why he’s annoyed.

So you’ve seen him every weekend, you also had dinner with him this evening, but because you want to see a band and he doesn’t he threw a glass? I don’t think he’s reasonable at all and if I were you I’d probably want to spend all weekend with the neighbour if this is what I can look forward to at home

And is that Ok for him to behave aggressively? This is a man. Men canNOT behave like this. There is a huge physical power differential between men and women. This is intimidatory behaviour and completely unacceptable.

Did I say it was justification? Nope

You seem a lot more bothered about the fact that the OP wanted to go out again than you do about the DH hanging up on the OP, throwing a glass and then storming off.

You actually said nothing about the aggressive behaviour.

So someone asks “has he done it before”
you say “yes”

what the bloody hell are you doing with someone like this and I certainly wouldn’t consider myself to be “in a good place”
with someone who behaves like this

get a grip and leave him

Focusing on the fact that he is upset and NOT the fact that he behaved aggressively towards OP essentially suggests that she provoked and deserved his aggressive behaviour.

There is so much male violence against women: we should all be focusing on what the men do. It needs to called out. Not watered down, and women being told that they are responsible for men's violent behaviour.

Yes.

The men on this thread, those lurkers on MN, on a little excursion from their usual dark, women-hating corners of the internet, we see you.

When you comment on threads like this one, your misogyny and ill-will towards women always gives you away.

Yes but don’t say that to him

I know, right? Need to fill their lonely Friday nights somehow. Losers. 🤩

Breaking a glass because he’s angry is awful but if he didn’t throw it at you and cleaned it up afterwards and it’s the first time that’s happened then I’d be tempted to forgive him. He was away, he was clearly stressed, and you were conveniently there for him to take his anger out on. Talk to him when he’s calm, set your boundaries, and ask what’s wrong.

She's already said it isn't the first time he's done this.

I was going to post exactly this.