DH angry with me following work trip

[FlamingoFloss]

Been with my husband 19 years. We ‘were’ in a good place. He’s been away working this week. He got home this evening and I was round my neighbours (who he gets on with and we have a great community). I came out as soon as I saw him pulling up with our friend and came in to be with him. Chatted to our friend and offered him dinner which he declined as he said he needed to go. I said to my DH I’ve left my phone at neighbours so I’ll go grab it. No problem. Neighbour reminds me that I’m asking DH to go and see the band we saw last Saturday tonight (we all went and had a fab night) so call DH and ask him. He says he doesn’t want to go so I say fair enough, can you drop us around the corner as I’d quite like to go. We have tomorrow together (he’s working tomorrow evening) and we have Sunday and next week together. The connection drops so I try to call him back. He doesn’t answer. I’ve come home and he’s laid into me that he just wants to spend the time with me but I’d rather eff off with my neighbour (joint friend), threw his glass so it smashed in the kitchen, shouted at me some more that he’s been away working all week and I should just want to be with him and stormed upstairs telling me to eff off out.

Maybe read my post again

Why? Your partner was annoyed you’d don’t want to spend time with him and would rather go straight on a night out with a neighbour when he’s just got back?

So just to clarify, DH had been away the last 3 WORK weeks as in mon to Fri and we have been out together when he got home the last 3 Fridays so this is not unusual behaviour

He’s taken cocaine and cheated on you. He is reflecting and deflecting on you. Leave him. He’s violent, he’s a piece of shit.

Huh?

I know he definitely hasn’t cheated on me and I doubt the cocaine also

Have a read of 'why does he do that' by Lundy Bancroft. Free pdf online. You'll recognise him

The apologists for vile, violent male behaviour are out of the gates promptly tonight.

Have you asked him what’s wrong? This seems like a massive over reaction so if it’s out of character then it sounds like something really upset him this week at work while he was away but he is struggling to articulate his feelings and it’s coming out as anger towards you. It depends what his previous behaviour has been like really. If my hubby did this I’d be really surprised and very worried for him. But if this is his usual style he just sounds like a twat as others have advised. You will know in your gut xxx

I get why he was annoyed and I HAVE read what happened properly.
Obviously how he expressed that was out of order.

You made a point of calling the neighbour her male neighbour though, I presume to provide more justification to excuse her husband's aggressive outburst.

Maybe he's fed up of going out with you and the neighbour. Maybe he just wants to spend some time with his wife alone, maybe he's tired from work. I think id be a bit annoyed if I'd been away all week and my other half would rather go out with the neighbour. Throwing a glass is out of line though.

You don’t need to ‘presume’ anything, I’ve clearly said more than once his outburst is out of order and inexcusable. I misread the bit about the male friend in their house being a different person to the neighbour initially which is why I thought she specified male. It doesn’t make a difference to it being a bit shit that she ditched him as soon as he got home and clearly wasn’t fussed about spending time with him.

him and me have been out the last 3 Fridays jus us. Last weekend and the weekend before was a joint neighbour outing (lots of our neighbours as we often do)

Clearly he wanted to stay home with you

No. As a one off its a tired man who is frustrated that things aren't going how he wants and threw a glass nowhere near you in frustration.

As a one off that would mean nothing.

Is it a one off?

Working away can be draining. It’s not like a normal working week. He probably didn’t fancy the idea of going out after just getting home, and I think possibly before stating you were going out anyway, with or without him, in the circumstances it would have been nice to check in with him first. All part and parcel of being in an adult/grown up relationship - just being considerate of each others needs. The aggression though was out of order, but I think you were out of order prior to that.

Give over….where has this wild assumption come from??

A previous poster asked OP that question:

'That sounds scary with the glass smashing. Has that happened before?'

OP's answer was 'yes'. This obviously isn't a one-off, it's a pattern of behaviour.

He could have articulated that to me in a calm way

No, OP already clarified this. She described him aggressive.

This man threw and smashed a glass, was verbally abusive and aggressive to the OP, but you say 'it's 'nothing' because he's tired.

How low does this bar go again?

Agreed. You could have considered it also
rather than just asking for a lift when he said no. But nothing excuses his behaviour.

Jesus, I’m not excusing his behaviour, it was appalling, but that reason is a bit of a reach

It's okay to be upset. It's okay to be angry.its not okay to throw thing or swear at people. Your partner should understand that. My kids do and they got it as toddlers. He's being abusive.

Was she meant to greet him at the door like he’s just returned from a bloody war? He’s been away a couple of days ffs