DH angry with me following work trip

[FlamingoFloss]

Been with my husband 19 years. We ‘were’ in a good place. He’s been away working this week. He got home this evening and I was round my neighbours (who he gets on with and we have a great community). I came out as soon as I saw him pulling up with our friend and came in to be with him. Chatted to our friend and offered him dinner which he declined as he said he needed to go. I said to my DH I’ve left my phone at neighbours so I’ll go grab it. No problem. Neighbour reminds me that I’m asking DH to go and see the band we saw last Saturday tonight (we all went and had a fab night) so call DH and ask him. He says he doesn’t want to go so I say fair enough, can you drop us around the corner as I’d quite like to go. We have tomorrow together (he’s working tomorrow evening) and we have Sunday and next week together. The connection drops so I try to call him back. He doesn’t answer. I’ve come home and he’s laid into me that he just wants to spend the time with me but I’d rather eff off with my neighbour (joint friend), threw his glass so it smashed in the kitchen, shouted at me some more that he’s been away working all week and I should just want to be with him and stormed upstairs telling me to eff off out.

My ex H behaved like that sometimes. He was sometimes abusive and occasionally violent, I divorced him in the end.
Life's too short to deal with this shit really OP 😑

What @fetchacloth said. ^^This.

OP I'm sorry I've just scrolled down to the post where you mentioned your cancer procedure. I'm so sorry that you're having to face this alone 😔. What sort of husband is he to behave like a spoilt brat at a time like this? A bloody selfish brat at that 😒. You deserve better OP much better. 💐

Tantrum throwing, pissing in his shoes toddler behaviour from a do called adult man.

He's left her to attend her appointment alone having told her not to come home so I'm baffled as to why on earth you think his callous and abusive behaviour is due to him being worried about a possible cancer diagnosis.

He's probably one of those men who look for excuses to leave their seriously ill partners, which medical professionals confirm is very common behaviour by men, unlike women who will stay and care for their husbands/partners.

I’ve booked counselling sessions so I can talk everything through. I’ve got the triage call on Monday. Thanks for all the supportive messages x

What nonsense as soon as ‘d’h came home she went home. She went to get her phone & asked him to go see a band.

what part of that is what you said. He has reacted unreasonably. Throwing glasses in anger is not an acceptable reaction at all.

what is she meant to do stay locked in doors the whole time he is away

Thinking of you OP 💐 his not supporting you at hospital is an absolute deal breaker and lower than low. Your life will be so much better without this

You need to stop drip feeding.

This is what you said you your original post 'He’s been away working this week.'

And now you're saying he was away for the last 3 weeks, with weekends off.

This is an annoying post

If this was the case then he should have communicated with the OP instead of resorting to violent and threatening behaviour. Stop trying to justify abuse.

As for your comment about whether she is worried. That’s a low blow. People deal with things differently and one way is to keep yourself busy and distracted.

And you can look forward to someone coming home and still want to socialise with friends for a few hours. Especially if someone works away a lot ( which it sounds like he does) it becomes less of a big deal when someone comes home as it’s relatively routine.

He's abusive.

I'm sorry to hear about the cancer investigation and hope it all goes well.

I'm afraid I'm another one for whom it all fell into place once I'd read that. A depressing number of men leave their wives at this time. And obviously don't want to admit why, so will find other reasons.

OP was correct to state that he had been working away this week as he obviously comes home at the weekend.

You seem quite offended by OP's post for some reason and are obviously looking for reasons to excuse her partners awful behaviour.

You are obviously the DH's sister

He's obviously jealous and you are seeing too much of the neighbour. He might have other stresses he hasn't mentioned. Clear the air.

Yes. Nurses are trained to talk to women about the likelihood of their husbands/partners leaving them. It’s a massive statistic predictably bc they’re selfish, weak fuckers who can’t put anyones needs ahead of their own and can’t cope with the emotional toll - unlike women who more often than not stay to support and care for their partners in the same situation.

If I were you, OP, I’d have called him out and shamed him for this obvious and pathetic behaviour - “Really? Telling your sick wife not to come back to her own home when she has a stressful and potentially life changing hospital appointment? Seriously?! Do you really want people to know that is what you have just said to me?”

I’d also pre-empt him so he knows that you’re on to him and say that if this is all the predictable lead up to him leaving you because he’s too weak a shit to deal with the situation that is affecting you, then you’ll be sure to inform everyone of the real reason he’s packing his bags - and it isn’t the fact you’ve gone round to your female neighbours for some company while he’s away or not rolled out the welcome red carpet with a song and dance every time he’s returned home over the last 3 weeks 🙄

I was confused too, because you said you offered “him” dinner but he said he had to go / I assumed you meant the neighbour but presumably it was your dh?

Just to offer a different view from most of the “ong he’s abusive” posts - it is quite hurtful to get home after a week away and find your partner isn’t remotely interested in spending the evening with you!

This is very severe RSD, rejection sensitive disphoria.
often seen in people with ADHD or people with childhood trauma from growing up in a dysfunctional or violent home (emotional or physical violence).
the thing that triggered him to feel rejected or inadequate could’ve happened hours before (at work, making a mistake, hearing someone else is doing better than you, making an incorrect decision and feeling the consequences etc etc it could be so many things including his sexual dysfunction).. He will (unknowingly) store the feelings and then find an outlet for them as soon as one is available, almost always with the same person (a close partner or child) and usually manipulating something small into some drama that it isn’t, often using poor communication as a deliberate tool to prevent the other person from diffusing any drama.

if not that complicated then it’s as simple as: he saw violence at home as a child. He is replicating that in his own life in adulthood because the body stores trauma and the nervous system repeats what it knows, even if destructive.

Yes, this domestic abuse. It's threatening behaviour to intimidate. It is not OK or even slightly acceptable.

You say he's not cheating but there are more ways than just sexual cheating. Emotional cheating is a thing and the neanderthal reactions could be be latent sexual frustration.
No matter what his excuse is that reaction Nd behaviour needs addressing. Point out you will not accept being threatened or abused. And if he feels he can't control himself he needs to pack up and leave.
I'd strongly suggest getting your house in order (secretly) ie finances, and escape plans talk to DV support etc soyouhave backup plans should it escalate.

Is that medical terminology for he’s an abusive cunt?

Seriously has this site turned into the abusive husbands’ support group?

What the fuck is wrong with some people on here?

He was away for four days.

The man wasn’t on deployment or on some heroic mission.

And nothing excuses smashing glasses.

nothing..

And let’s not make the OP’s health problems about him. it’s not.

Not an excuse at all. Just the complexity behind it. Some peopke like to know - it helps them move on knowing they did the right thing in leaving. If they have children with this person it also helps them guide their children away from repeating the same mistakes. It’s called breaking the cycle.
The whys and hows are so important for many reasons. It’s very short-sighted of you to view it as an “excuse”. We need to understand “what happened to you” instead of “what’s wrong with you”.
we need to understand that we are moulded in childhood and if the child has suffered huge trauma, it takes analysis like this to break out of it.
it also helps them guide their OP understand it’s not her “fault”. It helps her understand that she can’t control his emotions.
i could go on but I think you get the point.

When the husband came home a male friend dropped him off and declined the offer for dinner

"I came out as soon as I saw him pulling up with our friend and came in to be with him. Chatted to our friend and offered him dinner which he declined as he said he needed to go. "

Please, please, for your own sake, learn how to read and comprehend.

Good luck with everything OP.

Remember this though, most decent relationships only work when TWO people support and care equally for each other. Your DH has not only shown zero care or support for you when you really need it, but has also shown aggression and tried to kick you out of your house because you dared to want distraction. This man has shown you, loud and clear, that he hates you and only values what you can give him eg a clean house and a woman who puts him first.

He is a cruel and selfish man. I'm sorry