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Original poster

DH angry with me following work trip

322 replies

FlamingoFloss · 27/03/2026 19:35

Been with my husband 19 years. We ‘were’ in a good place. He’s been away working this week. He got home this evening and I was round my neighbours (who he gets on with and we have a great community). I came out as soon as I saw him pulling up with our friend and came in to be with him. Chatted to our friend and offered him dinner which he declined as he said he needed to go. I said to my DH I’ve left my phone at neighbours so I’ll go grab it. No problem. Neighbour reminds me that I’m asking DH to go and see the band we saw last Saturday tonight (we all went and had a fab night) so call DH and ask him. He says he doesn’t want to go so I say fair enough, can you drop us around the corner as I’d quite like to go. We have tomorrow together (he’s working tomorrow evening) and we have Sunday and next week together. The connection drops so I try to call him back. He doesn’t answer. I’ve come home and he’s laid into me that he just wants to spend the time with me but I’d rather eff off with my neighbour (joint friend), threw his glass so it smashed in the kitchen, shouted at me some more that he’s been away working all week and I should just want to be with him and stormed upstairs telling me to eff off out.

OP posts:
LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 27/03/2026 22:53

feralballerina · 27/03/2026 22:35

I did. When my ex husband had been cheating and gaslighting repeatedly and was fucking with my head and finally cracked
I didn't throw it at him but I did throw it. I am not proud but not ashamed either. Months of gaslighting and lying and making out I was awful just to make himself feel better about/get away with cheating all game to a head

Never did it before or since. But his behaviour pushed me to the brink

Show quote history

How is this relevant? You - presumably - are not a man. A woman throwing a glass aggressively in the sink does not evoke the same primal fear in a man that the same behaviour by a man evokes in a woman.

It is false equivalence to say that female behaviour has the same consequences as male behaviour. Men are twice as strong in the arms and a third as strong in the legs as women. Women are easily raped, beaten, and killed by men. Women stand no chance against men. We live in patriarchy, which prioritises what men want and hides their abundant aggression against women and children.

You throwing a glass in the sink does NOT have the same effect as OP's partner throwing a glass in the sink, and raising it in this context dilutes what is really going on: OP's partner threw a glass in the sink to intimidate and bully her, and it's not the first time.

Yes, that's male violence.

BarbiesDreamHome · 27/03/2026 22:58

FlamingoFloss · 27/03/2026 22:47

I didn’t know what time he would be home but as soon as he was home I went round

Show quote history

Why?

Why did you drop everything to come home? Life soent revolve around him.

Did you go home because you wanted to be on his good side? To avoid a mood?

Kokonimater · 27/03/2026 23:08

It’s quite difficult to decipher your post. Lots of us not sure who the neighbour was etc. but your husband’s reaction was very heightened and obviously not ok. It sounds like he felt very hurt and unimportant to you. Maybe he’s not that important to you. And he knows it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Original poster
FlamingoFloss · 27/03/2026 23:16

Kokonimater · 27/03/2026 23:08

It’s quite difficult to decipher your post. Lots of us not sure who the neighbour was etc. but your husband’s reaction was very heightened and obviously not ok. It sounds like he felt very hurt and unimportant to you. Maybe he’s not that important to you. And he knows it.

My neighbour is a female who we have known collectively for 18 years

OP posts:
Eshti · 27/03/2026 23:17

Kokonimater · 27/03/2026 23:08

It’s quite difficult to decipher your post. Lots of us not sure who the neighbour was etc. but your husband’s reaction was very heightened and obviously not ok. It sounds like he felt very hurt and unimportant to you. Maybe he’s not that important to you. And he knows it.

Why is it relevant who the neighbour is?

There are lots of posts like yours on this thread. Blaming the OP, but with a mimsy 'of course, his behaviour wasn't okay, but...' then going back to castigating the OP.

Blaming a woman for a man's behaviour is not okay.

Is feeling 'hurt and unimportant' licence to unleash violent and abusive behaviour?

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 27/03/2026 23:18

Kokonimater · 27/03/2026 23:08

It’s quite difficult to decipher your post. Lots of us not sure who the neighbour was etc. but your husband’s reaction was very heightened and obviously not ok. It sounds like he felt very hurt and unimportant to you. Maybe he’s not that important to you. And he knows it.

Men who can't (don't want to) regulate their emotions and think it is acceptable to act violently don't deserve to be in a relationship with a woman.

Throwing a glass is only a few steps away from hitting OP. Every DV association knows this.

Terfedout · 27/03/2026 23:20

Your husband is obviously in the wrong for how he behaved.

However the way you write has invited some of the responses that you have had. I found your original post a little hard to follow, not that it was too badly written, I just didn't quite get it. But as an example, you've then been quite cryptic in your last response saying he isn't seeing anyone else 'cos he can't'. What does that even mean?

If you were a little clearer, I think you would get a lot more empathy and support.

Anyway, I hope you stay safe. He sounds like a bad egg.

ClairDeLaLune · 27/03/2026 23:21

FlamingoFloss · 27/03/2026 22:47

Him seeing someone else isn’t a thing cos he can’t

Show quote history

He can’t? Mysterious.

Anyway never mind that. OP your husband is abusive, you sound like you’re walking on eggshells around him. It’s no way to live. Today he takes it out on a wine glass, maybe tomorrow he takes it out on you. Maybe it’s time to question the future of your marriage?

Mudflaps · 27/03/2026 23:21

I'm disgusted at the people who are defending the husband in this post, he is abusive and there is no excusing that. My husband works away, he's gone on a Sunday evenings or by 4am on a Monday and back Friday evening. If I was in a friends house when he got home he wouldn't expect me to rush home to see him, neither would he have a problem with me arranging a night out with or without him, in fact he'd encourage me as he knows its lonely on my own all week. If I rang suggesting he joined in the night out and he didn't feel like it he'd be the first to offer to drive, the idea of him shouting and throwing anything is so unbelievable I can not even imagine it. The op's husband is abusive and wants to control her, I sincerely hopes she plans and executes her escape from the relationship asap. And by the way for the poster who seemed to jump to the idea that the friend the op was visiting was male, so what if it had been?? My best friends have been male, my husband never had a problem with that, in fact he's encouraged me to meet one of them for a meal midweek while he's away, strangely we manage to not shag each other in the restaurant car park.

SunMoonandChocolate · 27/03/2026 23:26

FlamingoFloss · 27/03/2026 22:47

Him seeing someone else isn’t a thing cos he can’t

Show quote history

Sorry OP, you haven't answer my question about whether you're going to go home tonight, or stay with your friend?

Also I don't understand what you mean when you say 'Him seeing someone else isn’t a thing cos he can’t', do you mean he's not physically capable of a sexual relationship?

Peony1985 · 27/03/2026 23:40

The Ops post though isn’t about her being scared of her husband or even concern about repeated aggression.
Thats why some of us aren’t either.

The Op was seems to be asking for opinions on whether her DH is justified in being cross.

If she had led with an OP on her aggressive and controlling husband there wouldn’t be people debating it. She says they have a good relationship and a good relationship with the neighbours. We are going off the post as it’s written.

Original poster
FlamingoFloss · 27/03/2026 23:41

Terfedout · 27/03/2026 23:20

Your husband is obviously in the wrong for how he behaved.

However the way you write has invited some of the responses that you have had. I found your original post a little hard to follow, not that it was too badly written, I just didn't quite get it. But as an example, you've then been quite cryptic in your last response saying he isn't seeing anyone else 'cos he can't'. What does that even mean?

If you were a little clearer, I think you would get a lot more empathy and support.

Anyway, I hope you stay safe. He sounds like a bad egg.

Edited

He’s not seeing anyone else because he can’t have
sex, or at least, not very easily

OP posts:
Original poster
FlamingoFloss · 27/03/2026 23:50

SunMoonandChocolate · 27/03/2026 23:26

Sorry OP, you haven't answer my question about whether you're going to go home tonight, or stay with your friend?

Also I don't understand what you mean when you say 'Him seeing someone else isn’t a thing cos he can’t', do you mean he's not physically capable of a sexual relationship?

Show quote history

I am Going home. He isn’t really capable
od of a sexual relationship as he has nerve damage so sex for us is very different

OP posts:
Original poster
FlamingoFloss · 27/03/2026 23:51

Sorry, I clearly wanst very clear in my original post

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 27/03/2026 23:52

Husband is right in feeling second best.
He was clearly not the chosen entertainment or company and he was looking forward to seeing his partner after being away.

His reaction is not okay at all.
Op needs to consider whether to stay with an abusive man.

Has he ever aimed any violence at Op?

Whatnameisif · 28/03/2026 00:11

The glass smashing sounds scary. But I'd be pretty upset if DH didn't want to spend the evening with me if I'd been away all week.

PUGMEISTER21 · 28/03/2026 00:20

Beerpink · 27/03/2026 20:09

He’s taken cocaine and cheated on you. He is reflecting and deflecting on you. Leave him. He’s violent, he’s a piece of shit.

Alright Sherlock!!! Thats quite a a jump

Original poster
FlamingoFloss · 28/03/2026 00:22

Whatnameisif · 28/03/2026 00:11

The glass smashing sounds scary. But I'd be pretty upset if DH didn't want to spend the evening with me if I'd been away all week.

I did want to spend the evening with him. I asked if he wanted to go. He said he didn’t fancy it - and the situation has been reversed before where he has asked me and I didn’t fancy it. If he had said to me at that point, do
you mind if we just spend the evening together - no
probelm. I’d have been up for that but he didn’t. He just went into Neanderthal mode

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 28/03/2026 00:25

I hope you are safe, OP. His aggression sounds scary.

Original poster
FlamingoFloss · 28/03/2026 00:27

ChaToilLeam · 28/03/2026 00:25

I hope you are safe, OP. His aggression sounds scary.

I’m home now. In the kitchen making a tea. I will of to my own bed despite him telling me not to

OP posts:
Original poster
FlamingoFloss · 28/03/2026 00:29

This is what he has messaged me. He has also messaged my neighbour telling me not to come back and to pack a bag

Sensitive content
DH angry with me following work trip
OP posts:
WinterSunglasses · 28/03/2026 00:43

Please stay safe OP. I'm assuming it's both your house and of course you have every right to be there. But if he's still angry and you're worried by that then get out and call the police.

Original poster
FlamingoFloss · 28/03/2026 00:46

WinterSunglasses · 28/03/2026 00:43

Please stay safe OP. I'm assuming it's both your house and of course you have every right to be there. But if he's still angry and you're worried by that then get out and call the police.

I don’t believe he will physically harm me. We’ve been together 19 years and that never happened but believe me, I will have no problem in calling for help if I need toI am devastated though as this has come from nowhere. I honestly don’t understand it

OP posts:
Original poster
FlamingoFloss · 28/03/2026 00:47

Yes and both our house

OP posts:
HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 28/03/2026 00:50

What is it with these vile men who insist on being the centre of attention ALL the time? Working away doesn’t mean you get treated like some sort of war hero when you return.
Why should your partner’s life be put on hold just because you’ve worked away for a few days?

And I say this as someone who is currently in the middle of a two week work trip to the other side of world. I won’t be expecting my partner to drop everything the second I’m home.