Can’t stop thinking about pics partner sent to “ex”

[CherryGirlAimz]

My fiancé and I are very happy together, engaged last year, live together, been on plenty of holidays together, and I help look after his daughter on weekends he has her.

however, about a year and a half ago, the mother of his child (not exactly an ex as he said she was just a sex thing to him and she developed feelings for him but he never wanted to be with her) messaged me and sent me screen shots of what’s app sexual messages and images (penis pics) my partner sent to her. It broke me at the time but partner swiftly apologised and said it was a one off moment of madness when he was working away. We had a long walk on the beach and he swore he would never do it again. I know for sure he hasn’t as after this moment he stopped communicating directly with mother of his child, she has mental health issues as it is and even tried to commit suicide after he refused to communicate with her again.

fast forward to now and we are happy and engaged, our relationship looks perfect from the outset, however I cannot get this incident from my head - I still feel insecure and jealous that he did that, and it plagues my mind often. She is very attractive and intelligent and I can’t stop feeling I’m inferior to her. He says the mother of his child is a drama queen and just wants to cause him and us misery hence why he never speaks to her anymore. I’m glad he doesn’t as I’d be worried of a repeat if she messaged him again.

my question is - when will this one incident stop plaguing my mind in my otherwise very happy relationship? I’ve not told any friends or family about it, his family don’t know of it either, I’d be too scared to disclose it to anyone I know really in case they judge partner badly for it.

It’s been just me and my DD for the last 10 years - she’s only ever known me to be single as her dad and I split when she was one.

My DD and I are absolutely a family unit. It’s very naive and insulting of you to not see that his DD and her mum as a family. in fact, if anything that fact it’s just been DD and i together for most of her life, and that we have done the majority of things just the 2 of us has really strengthened our bond.

even though I’ve not met mother of his child I do know how miserable she made him before the incident - I see how stressed he got when he messaged her. @CherryGirlAimz

What were the messages that he was so stressed about? I'm guessing they were arrangements to do with his child, the child he didn't want.

He's miserable because the mother of his child is asking him to be a parent and he doesn't want that for his life.

He didn't want to be father, probably doesn't want to pay proper child support or parent his child on his own, so yeah, those things might cause him stress

BUT it's very different to the ex causing him stress.

What responses did you expect?
No one here is going to celebrate the fact that you are with a man who sends pictures of his cock to another woman.
But you love him 🙄, so if you don't heed the warning replies on here well best of luck.

For goodness sake. The poor woman had feelings for a man and got pregnant by him and he dumped her and tells people she was just a shag, with mental health problems who’s crazy and jealous. She’s now raising his child (50/50 or is she doing more?!) whilst people judge her for being possessive (is it not weird if a woman isn’t possessive of her own child)
meanwhile he’s playing happy families with some new woman, with people believing this new woman is her child’s mum, pretending everything’s much better on their side as a ‘real’ family of 3. Yet he’s still txting her pictures of his dick, years after they’ve broken up.

shes told you your man is cheating on you and thanked you for being a good step mum to her child.
but you blame her.

He's shown you his true colours, how low he can go, and that's just what you know about. I judge a man by his integrity, the way he treats strangers. This is how he treats the mother of his child! Unbelievable.

I bet she boobed boobily all over the place and he was left with no other choice!

This is a really unkind post.

How dare you look down on this woman just because she doesn’t have a partner. The woman is the child’s MOTHER so of course the child has family.

You and your bloke seem well suited to each other. Best of luck 👍🏼

You are wasting the best years of your life on a man who sends women dick picks and calls THEM crazy and whatever other names.

But you love him so that's OK.

Honestly, you can't be helped.

"partner has not even seen her since what happened - he was very angry at her and upset for me "

What happened? "What happened" was he sent dick pics and sexted the very vulnerable mother of his child! Why the hell should he be angry with her? This is 99% his fault.

Your partner dissuading you being friends with the mother of his child is 100% because he doesn't want you two to realise what he's said about each of you - he doesn't want you to find the truth.

You are delusional for thinking this man is nice and for believing everything he tells you.

“my question is - when will this one incident stop plaguing my mind in my otherwise very happy relationship?”

Never - your gut is telling you he’s not to be trusted- believe your gut. Sending pics is never an accident. Leave the relationship now or regret not leaving in future when you find out he’s done similar or worse again.

Agree with everyone except OP and would just add despite bonding with his DD since she was an infant you’ll be out of that child’s life and his house the second he moves on to next woman or younger version of a pick me girl (who sounds just as misogynistic as he does.)

Ha ha ha and wow to your comments about the mother being too possessive! Honestly you need a reality check. Good for the mother being possessive. And wow to your happy family comment. Your lack of self awareness is quite minding by blowing. You believe what he tells you and his side of the story. His poor ex, my sympathy is for her that she ever met this vile man. The reason you don't want to tell friends and family is because you know his behaviour is disgusting. There's more to a relationship than living in someone's house playing happy families with the child they had in a previous toxic relationship.

“This is 99% his fault.”
No it’s 100% his fault as it was 100% his choice to send the pics.

OP, how old are you? Is he older by any chance?

Please read and re read everyone's posts. Not one is in support of your partner, that must tell you something.

Unless there is a massive drip feed, and she threatened him with a gun to his head to send the pics, he is wholly responsible, and she actually tried to do you a favour by telling you about it.

Also, just stop with the judgement of single parents. She is absolutely a family unit with her dd, just because disney daddy has a girlfriend to babysit at weekends does not make her time with you better or more fulfilling, I can assure you this as a child of a single mum.

Oh, OP. For your own sake WAKE UP. This man is a walking red flag and you're refusing to see it.

He sounds like a vile human being. I'd say theres a reason you haven't met this woman - I am sure she could tell you a LOT more than she has about him. She is the mother of his child yet he's playing with her emotionally like this, with her awful behaviour literally driving her to feeling suicidal. And you are defending HIM?

The absolute scumbag literally sends HER disgusting dick pics and you are foolish and desperate enough to let him blame HER??? And make HER the bad guy??? He basically tried to cheat on you (and maybe did), she had to courage and decency to let you know, and he's twisted everything to make her the bad guy.

He has said he used her for sex, and dumped her after getting her pregnant. He claims she has mental health issues and wants him back, yet he thought it would be fun to mess with her by flirting and sending unsolicited dick picks? He doesnt even care about the mother of his child and is STILL trying to use her for sex? And you are here trying to portray her as a the bad guy.

I would LOVE to hear her side of the story. It really wouldnt surprise me if everything he told you is a lie and that they were in a relationship - possibly you were the OW - and there has probably been much more contact (by him towards her) than you know about.

OP, this is not a good man. I will see you back on this board in a couple of years, when he has dumped YOU for another woman, and he's telling her that YOU are crazy and obsessed with him, while sending you unsolicited dick pics trying to get you to still shag him behind his new partners back.

You sound very young and very gullible.

That should say "with HIS awful behaviour literally driving her to feeling suicidal." The poor ex hasn't done anything wrong!

He was only angry cos he got caught

I mean why would you want to be with someone who send dic pics

But if you want to be with a liar who sends did pics that’s up to you

just be aware - if you have a kid with him and your not married you will have 0 claim to his house

My fiancé and I are very happy together, Which is why you are here telling us about his dick pics he sent to his 'crazy ex'.

You've been the nanny to his DD since she was 6 months old.
What a prince you've got yourself there. @CherryGirlAimz .

I have a feeling this is an age-gap relationship and you have got swept away. With more life experience there is no way you would put up with this. You’ll be cross with yourself in a few years. Please heed the other posters

Also, please, for the love of puppies, double up on your contraception.

Indeed! That poor poor man. One’s heart positively breaks, does it not?

He was the one who sent the pictures. Your blame is misdirected and that's the problem. You want to forgive and forget, but you can't because somewhere inside you don't quite trust or believe him. He's shown you who he is - believe him, and then decide if this is really what you want or deserve. He describes the mother of his child as a 'sex thing'. I bet as far as she was concerned, they were in a relationship. He's now trying to paint her as the problem, because that way he can brainwash you into overlooking his behaviour. Even if she's a drama queen and made him unhappy, he's the one who cheated. You might love him but you don't trust him. And of course his ex is possessive when it comes to her child - it is her daughter.

This was my first thought too.

The man is absolutely playing OP and she is desperate to believe it.

He sounds very manipulative.

I mean he had to take a picture of his dick
and send it

no one forced him to sit in bed taking pics of his dick

and I don’t know why any man would do this as dicks are fucking ugly they just look like a shit pair of American tan tights

What a worthless man you've attached yourself to ☹️.

Procreate with someone who meant nothing but sex to him.
Sends her dick pics though she means nothing
Knows she has mental health issues, but is happy to toy with her to satisfy his sexual perversion.
Cuts her off when he gets in trouble with you.
Relies on his mother to facilitate the relationship with his child, because he can't keep his penis to himself.

I'd advise you love yourself more than you do this loser, and hit the road. Unless you'd prefer a life of misery, of course ☹️.