Can’t stop thinking about pics partner sent to “ex”

[CherryGirlAimz]

My fiancé and I are very happy together, engaged last year, live together, been on plenty of holidays together, and I help look after his daughter on weekends he has her.

however, about a year and a half ago, the mother of his child (not exactly an ex as he said she was just a sex thing to him and she developed feelings for him but he never wanted to be with her) messaged me and sent me screen shots of what’s app sexual messages and images (penis pics) my partner sent to her. It broke me at the time but partner swiftly apologised and said it was a one off moment of madness when he was working away. We had a long walk on the beach and he swore he would never do it again. I know for sure he hasn’t as after this moment he stopped communicating directly with mother of his child, she has mental health issues as it is and even tried to commit suicide after he refused to communicate with her again.

fast forward to now and we are happy and engaged, our relationship looks perfect from the outset, however I cannot get this incident from my head - I still feel insecure and jealous that he did that, and it plagues my mind often. She is very attractive and intelligent and I can’t stop feeling I’m inferior to her. He says the mother of his child is a drama queen and just wants to cause him and us misery hence why he never speaks to her anymore. I’m glad he doesn’t as I’d be worried of a repeat if she messaged him again.

my question is - when will this one incident stop plaguing my mind in my otherwise very happy relationship? I’ve not told any friends or family about it, his family don’t know of it either, I’d be too scared to disclose it to anyone I know really in case they judge partner badly for it.

Sorry you have low self esteem OP because that’s the only reason you’re desperate to cling on to this complete and utter grim specimen. And if you stay longer and keep making excuses for his shitty behaviour your self esteem will continue to fall lower and lower until it’s subterranean because a cunt like this will ruin you.

I know you don’t like the responses but please take off the rose tinted specs and understand why older more experienced women are pretty much unanimous in seeing what a nasty piece of work you’re living with.

As others have said, is there an age gap here because there definitely appears to be a huge power in-balance.

Sadly it’s often the case when an OP doesn’t get the responses they want to hear so would rather stick their fingers in their ears and go ‘la la la not listening’ than face up to the truth that they’re not with a knight in shining armour - he’s just a cunt in tin foil.

@TwistedWonder cun in tin foil...that's ace expression.

All of this.

@CherryGirlAimz I don't understand why you are angry with this woman and not at your horrible partner. And he's such a charmer somehow he's convinced you it's all her fault! How did she make him send those pictures? You know you are just kidding yourself.

He got into a serious relationship with you when his daughter was a 6 month old baby, no wonder her mother was concerned. You're making yourself feel better by playing happy families now and trying to convince yourself that what you're offering your stepdaughter is somehow better than the set up with her mother where she hasn't moved a strange man in to play happy families with.

He sent pics when he was with you?

am trying my best for his daughter and I do go above and beyond

What does going above and beyond mean?

Sounds like he's got you lined up to look after his kid.

Plus why are you angry at his ex, it was your boyfriend that sent dick pics, he's the one you should be angry at.

Op how old are you and how old is your boyfriend and the child's mother?

Sorry what? You hate yourself? For disliking his horrible behaviour? Why don’t you hate him? What is wrong with you? You blame the ex for the dick pics he sent (that’s a hell of leap of logic right there) and your blame yourself for feeling uncomfortable around this creep?

Talk about internalised misogyny. you need counselling to sort out your self esteem and set decent boundaries, please!

Take a step back and stop living in a happy family dreamworld. in five years time you’ll have one or two kids, be 100% dependent on him, and he will be leaving for his next girlfriend, telling her your relationship was just a sex thing.

play it forward and wake up from your dream. Get out while you can. You deserve better. Bloody hell, he is a rat.

This. Sorry OP you sound like a fool parroting all the crap he has brainwashed you with.

Oh OP. 😔

Most mothers of a young baby wouldn't want them being introduced to their exes new girlfriend/partner and would feel uneasy about it. That's understandable.

I completely agree with the poster that said this mum sounds really lovely.

She's not introduced any new random person into her young child's life when it sounds like she easily could.

She let you know when her sleazy ex was sending her dick pics so you knew what you were tying yourself to.

She has sent you a lovely supportive message thanking you for being kind to her child.

😔

There's only one villain in this story op. Him.

Why don't you think you deserve better?
Why are you so blindly believing that he is so good and she is so awful?

Why do you think a parent remaining single is worse for a child than bringing a new adult into their life?

I mean this in the nicest way possible but I think you could really do with some therapy for your self esteem and relationship boundaries. If you cant access any then at the very least keep using mumsnetters as a sounding board.

Also OP, I’d bet my life he initiated sending the dick pic whilst he was “bored” away with work.

Wow he called her a sex thing but managed to get her pregnant? He sounds like a prick! Then he cheated on you, hmm he sounds like a shitty person! You can’t move on because he lost your trust and IMO once it’s gone it’s gone!

It sounds like she was being genuine.

You got her down as the enemy and the problem. What has she actually done to you?

He was trying to twist what he done as her causing you harm and you seem to have fallen for it. Now you both got a common enemy and point of blame.

If she was a problem she would have not sent it and engaged with his advances.

You sound as bad as eachother for taking all this out on her, the mother of his child. You think you are so great for their child but you treat his mother like shit and she has done nothing to harm you. Silly girl like behaviour with her shit man joining forces to slag off an innocent woman

I do know she wasn’t happy about him bringing me into his daughters life at first.

This is where you show your immaturity OP. The baby was 6 months old, of course her mother didn't want him bringing his new girlfriend into her life. Can you really not understand why that would be a problem? You are not her mother, you both seem hell bent on pretending that you are but you're not. You should not have been raising and bonding with a baby - it's not cute, it's confusing for the child.

Get rid

There's a podcast & Doc called Don't date Brandon. You should check it out.

please, please, please learn from my mistakes and, at least, talk to the ex.

I am tied to my ex for life for believing him.

OPEN YOUR EYES

Your partner knew his Ex has serious mental health issues including Suicidal ideation relating to him not wanting to speak to her so he sent her pictures of his penis!
Its him whose actions are likely to break you up not hers!

You really are daft as a brush

He says the mother of his child is a drama queen and just wants to cause him and us misery hence why he never speaks to her anymore.

Can I just point out (from what you’ve wrote) that isn’t the reason he doesn’t speak to her anymore. The reason is because he got caught sending dick pics and sexting, you weren’t happy so he cut contact because you were unsure if this would happen again!

I know you love him but how can you be so blind to him. Typical guy gets caught out and it’s all the ex’s fault not his. He’s bullshit you so much you even talk down on her when it’s not your place at all. You don’t trust him otherwise you would of moved on from this

Oh god you’re being naive

1. often when men denigrate the ex and make out they’re crazy they actually aren’t but it’s a line for the new woman,

2. he introduced you to his daughter at 6 months old. That is really bonkers. And then to claim she was possessive. I’d be bloody possessive if my idiot of an ex left me with a baby and then was trying to bring in a new woman into an infant’s life.

3. he’s managed to get you to do childcare for him.

4. he’s still sending dick picks to his ex and mother of his child.

@CherryGirlAimz

You lost me when you started putting down single mums, looking down on the ex for not having a partner and “feeling sorry” for children who are taken out by one parent.

🙄

YOUR fiance is the one sending dick pics to other women, unsolicited. I think you should worry about that a bit more - don’t you? You have MUCH bigger problems than a woman who is looking after her child after getting out of a relationship with a clearly unsuitable man.

You need to leave him
He us manipulative and a liar

Op, you're getting a hard time here and I can kind of see why.

When did you move in with him, how long in to the relationship was it? Was it his idea? What were your living arrangements before? Are you working now? Do you still see your friends and family?
A lot of questions I know but I'm concerned that he's made you very reliant on him and then he's behaved like he has done.

This whole story he's spun about how his ex made him send these dick pics is just bizarre.

Please look after yourself x

Sounds like youre going to find out the hard way. And no, this isnt it, this is just the begining. Sorry, and good luck.