Can’t stop thinking about pics partner sent to “ex”

[CherryGirlAimz]

My fiancé and I are very happy together, engaged last year, live together, been on plenty of holidays together, and I help look after his daughter on weekends he has her.

however, about a year and a half ago, the mother of his child (not exactly an ex as he said she was just a sex thing to him and she developed feelings for him but he never wanted to be with her) messaged me and sent me screen shots of what’s app sexual messages and images (penis pics) my partner sent to her. It broke me at the time but partner swiftly apologised and said it was a one off moment of madness when he was working away. We had a long walk on the beach and he swore he would never do it again. I know for sure he hasn’t as after this moment he stopped communicating directly with mother of his child, she has mental health issues as it is and even tried to commit suicide after he refused to communicate with her again.

fast forward to now and we are happy and engaged, our relationship looks perfect from the outset, however I cannot get this incident from my head - I still feel insecure and jealous that he did that, and it plagues my mind often. She is very attractive and intelligent and I can’t stop feeling I’m inferior to her. He says the mother of his child is a drama queen and just wants to cause him and us misery hence why he never speaks to her anymore. I’m glad he doesn’t as I’d be worried of a repeat if she messaged him again.

my question is - when will this one incident stop plaguing my mind in my otherwise very happy relationship? I’ve not told any friends or family about it, his family don’t know of it either, I’d be too scared to disclose it to anyone I know really in case they judge partner badly for it.

I read all your posts and it's so sad that you don't centre your DP as the centre and cause of these problems.

The things you REPEAT about his former partner are every dodgy misogynist cliche going. He sexted her whilst he was with you. Then he felt able to not speak to the mother of his child...can't you see how wrong that is?

I do know she wasn’t happy about him bringing me into his daughters life at first and she did seem really jealous about it as people do think I am her daughters mother. I am
trying my best for his daughter and I do go above and beyond as she is a lovely little girl.

i do agree I have problems and I have low self esteem. I compare myself to her and blame myself for it at times. I know deep down he shouldn’t have sent those pics and I blame her for it too. My head feels like a complete mess. I love him even though he did this to me. I love spending time with him and his daughter and we are happy together and laugh, sleep together every night yet I still think of what he did. I just want it to go away. I hate myself for it

So you are judging her for putting her daughter first and staying singje while she’s little rather than your prince of a man shacking up with his nanny with a fanny before his daughter is even crawling and then sending his ex (who is apparently crazy - the oldest lie in the book) photos of his dick and somehow you both blame her. She made him get his dick hard, take a photo of it and send it to her - you really are deluded aren’t you?

JFC your bar is so low it’s subterranean that you can’t see the fact this cunt waving more red flags than the Russian army.

It is not "jealousy" not to want your tiny baby handled and petted by a woman you've never even met.

Protective, not jealous.

You are feeling insecure because you are not secure. Your fiance is a piece of work. He's used this woman, undermined her and then shut down communication with her meaning he's also doing less presumably in terms of his child. It sounds like she's tried to warn you and instead you've decided to enter the pick me game and are wondering why you don't feel good about it.

Op get out while you can, he's shown you who he is - believe him.

“He says the mother of his child is a drama queen and just wants to cause him and us misery hence why he never speaks to her anymore.”

Or maybe he’s annoyed that she told you and now he doesn’t view her as having any worth as he can’t sleep with her anymore. So he wants to deflect from the situation and make her the bad guy.

How does one ‘make’ a man text pictures of his penis, pray tell?

Also as a lone parent of a small child I also don't date men because I don't want to risk bringing the wrong man into my child's life. I'd love a relationship and it's really lonely at times but my child's safety is paramount. If my ex was making introductions to someone after a few months I'd also be annoyed. The only difference is that women are statistically less harmful than men. I'd also be thinking that he'd found someone to share his parenting with instead of doing it himself. I think you need to consider that many in laws consider mothers possessive when what they should be saying is protective.

No offence op but you sound incredibly naive in all of this.

So the child's mother is prioritising her child over relationships and that's a bad thing?
Give me strength.

I know deep down he shouldn't have sent those pics and I blame her for it too.

Ok can you explain how you blame her for your partner wanking until his dick was hard, getting his phone put, taking a pic of his erect cock and choosing to send illegal porn to his ex? What exactly was her role in this in you opinion?

Run as far as you can, OP. This man is a raving narcissist who will coercively control you for the best years of your life if you don't get away.

Please listen to the very good advice above and do not have children with this abusive man.

i do agree I have problems and I have low self esteem.

And do you understand that this might cause you to want to stay in a relationship with a man that treats you badly?

As in, have you genuinely thought about that being a consequence and what you can do to counter it?

Sending those pics wasn't an accident - he had to deliberately make a decision to remove his clothing, get his phone, angle the phone to take photos, find her in his contact list, attach it to a message and click "send".

Not "oh my finger slipped " but a series of deliberate decisions - which he could have stopped at any point in the process but each time decided he would benefit from continuing until he achieved that goal.

Op you are naive and as a previous poster said, you will just ignore everyone's comments/advice on here and you'll probably end up marrying him and then he'll hurt you again.

You are literally taking his word for everything he says and there's nothing that you've said about the mother from your interactions that make her seem bad. On the other hand the way your partner talks about her is awful and sounds like he's trying to keep her at arms lengths, probably because he's worried about what else she'll reveal to you. It's also likely that the way he treated her could be what lies ahead for you. He sounds like a scumbag and I wouldn't listen to what his family says either.

Good luck op - I've got a feeling you will need a lot of it if you stay with him.

Oh dear.

Wakey wakey!

Sooo much wrong here. Here's a little quiz to help sort the wheat from the chaff.

1. Your partner opens his trousers, takes out his cock, takes a photo of it, and sends it to his ex. Responsibility for the dick pick lies with a) th ex b. your partner c. you
2. Your partner 'allows' you to move into his house and supports you financially while you look after his child at the weekend and provide dinner nd sex on tap. The person who benefits most from this situation is a) the child b) your partner c) you
3. Your partner won't let you be friends with his ex, the mother of the child you look after some weekends. This is because a) he doesn't want you to be infected by her lunacy b) he doesn't want the two of you exposing him for the lying, weak-willed low-life he really is c) his mother has told him current girl friends should never meet the ex.
4. The optimal conditions to embark on a permanent relationship are a) when you're worrying that your partner's ex has bigger boobs than you b) you feel secure in yourself and totally trust your partner's fidelity to your relationship c) your partner has a messy back story, a small child whose mother he despises and with whom he has a relationship so poor her mother has to act as go-between, and a lack of paternal feeling that drives him to shove childcare responsibilities onto you

How did you do? Mostly As - how is it in Cloud Cuckoo Land? Mostly Bs - congratulations! Your grounded approach to life will take you far. Step one: dump him NOW!! Mostly Cs - There's none so blind asthose who will not see.

@CherryGirlAimz I agree with @Dellmouse - your partner sent his ex this stuff, it is all on him. You aren’t inferior and I doubt his ex thinks badly of you. She would probably have wanted to be friends with you but your partner doesn’t want that - he wants to control. Your low self-esteem has you second guessing your partner, who doesn’t deserve you.

is it because my body isn’t good enough like hers? She is thinner than me and has big boobs

And OP it's pretty grim to imply that someone with a thinner/big-boobed body is more valuable/loveable than one that isn't. What's made you believe this and think it's ok to say to other women?

You are being blinded by love. The reason you won't tell your family and friends is because they will say what you don't want to hear. I really hope he is a changed man (probably not) as it will be hard for you and his daughter further down the line. Am sorry, he sounds like a prick and you sound very gullible.

Sadly I think we all know there will be a thread in a couple of years where this twat is cheating with any random who crosses his path, OP is the unpaid nanny with a fanny stuck at home doing all the childcare and housework while he’s out living the life of Riley telling her she should be grateful of the crumbs he’s throwing her coz he paid the bills and she’s trapped without her own money.

This is fantastic!

Ditch him like a hot potato.
He's a waste of space.
You are already minding his daughter by a previous girlfriend.
That means you're a sucker as far as he is concerned.

Any man who sends a dick pic is a prick.

Agree.

Wow he sounds like an absolute arsehole. He has zero respect for his ex. To call her that and you say she's obsessed with him and then send her those messages whilst with you. How much worse could he be? You'll look back one day and wish you walked away now. He'll repeat a version of this in the future. He might be your ex one day telling his next partner that you're nuts. You can do better. He's not kind, he's not respectfull to women, he doesn't know boundaries, he disrespected your relationship and you. He's disgusting. More fool you if you stay with him.

Oh for heavens sake...the child IS being raised by a single mother. Daddy having a girlfriend, who he cheats on by sending dick pics to the kids mother, who helps him babysit the odd weekend IS NOT having a stable, 2 parent family. Dont think youre doing this child any favours. Ditch this loser. The child will when she is old enough to see his true colours.

He was angry at HER 🤣 OMG! What a total joker. Never mind the fact he sent her the pics whilst with you. If anything she was doing you a favour by telling you!!!