Can’t stop thinking about pics partner sent to “ex”

[CherryGirlAimz]

My fiancé and I are very happy together, engaged last year, live together, been on plenty of holidays together, and I help look after his daughter on weekends he has her.

however, about a year and a half ago, the mother of his child (not exactly an ex as he said she was just a sex thing to him and she developed feelings for him but he never wanted to be with her) messaged me and sent me screen shots of what’s app sexual messages and images (penis pics) my partner sent to her. It broke me at the time but partner swiftly apologised and said it was a one off moment of madness when he was working away. We had a long walk on the beach and he swore he would never do it again. I know for sure he hasn’t as after this moment he stopped communicating directly with mother of his child, she has mental health issues as it is and even tried to commit suicide after he refused to communicate with her again.

fast forward to now and we are happy and engaged, our relationship looks perfect from the outset, however I cannot get this incident from my head - I still feel insecure and jealous that he did that, and it plagues my mind often. She is very attractive and intelligent and I can’t stop feeling I’m inferior to her. He says the mother of his child is a drama queen and just wants to cause him and us misery hence why he never speaks to her anymore. I’m glad he doesn’t as I’d be worried of a repeat if she messaged him again.

my question is - when will this one incident stop plaguing my mind in my otherwise very happy relationship? I’ve not told any friends or family about it, his family don’t know of it either, I’d be too scared to disclose it to anyone I know really in case they judge partner badly for it.

I absolutely agree with this too. I just have a strong feeling that we will be seeing OP back on this board in a few years, when he's either caught sending dick pics again, or caught cheating on her, or when he dumps her for someone he has been cheating with.

OP i am not saying this to be harsh but because it seems obvious to everyone - including maybe yourself? Deep down? - that he isnt a good guy and this wont end well.

OP said she helps with childcare on his weekends so it’s probably EOW. So for a whole 4 days a month they’re a “real family”. With that level of involvement he’s barely even a father let alone OP a mother figure.

Good grief, try to find some self respect. Sounds like you’d fall for anything.

For the dick pics, yes, but giving him 1% leeway for the overall situation as it sounds like she didn’t reject him. He presumably did it because he thought she would respond positively.

“also part of me feels the mother is the one who made him - and I feel so angry at her for it”

Wow this is so incredibly delusional. No one can make him take and send pictures, it was entirely his own free will. If he didn’t want to (if it’s even the truth that it was her who requested it), he could have said no.
Put the blame where it belongs - on him.

You were perfectly happy to be with a man who describes the mother of his child "just a sex thing"? Wow. I've only read the opening post. Can't stand drip feeds.

This has to be a wind-up.

I could find some folks who'd happily receive pictures of my bits. I'm not sending them though, because as positively as they nay respond; it's entirely incumbent on me to control my behaviour.
This is 100% him.

I had a partner who did similar. The feeling never went away. I never fully trusted him again and it killed our relationship about 3 years later. Which was a blessing as lo and behold he was still playing his stupid games the whole time. I still look back and cringe I wasted that time on him.

Your partner is a bunch of walking red flags in how he treats you, disrespects both you and the mother of his child and no amount of throwing monetary support at you will ever make that acceptable or mean he’s a good partner.

She's prioritised her child by staying single and focusing on raising her child. You're not doing the child a favour by being a 'family'
This child's family is their mother and father.
You don't come above the mum as you live with dad.
He's done an absolute number on you.
You're being mugged right off

OP, how old are you?

She’s not causing you misery, he did by sending her dick pics

How many times do you need to tell us that you really do love him or...are you trying to convince yourself ?!!!

you also blame HER for him sending dick photos - oh dear oh dear oh dear

and he allows you to live in his house - oh how kind of him ! ha ! not !!! I guess you are neither on the house deeds or the mortgage ? !!!

he's got it all hasn't he - someone to move in and help look after HIS child...

have you heard the expression ' nanny with a fanny ' ?

Your partner says it's nice that his DD has 2 people that can be there for her at the same time when she is with him (and you). Her mother is a single parent because your partner refused to raise their child together, despite her developing feelings for him!

If you'd posted this on another day, you could have got a whole bunch of different, supportive answers. Did he send the photos before he started dating you or after? Honestly, I think some of the wording you have used might not be accurate. For example did he actually say she was a sex thing or 'it' was a sex thing, as many people are together and have sex without being in love? .

OP, politely, you say you and him give her something more as two people together, and you were raised by both parents - as if to suggest that is why you turned out so remarkable.

I hate to break it to you but right now you aren't doing too good. Maybe a bit of strong independent woman in your life would have done you some good!

It's not too late. If this isn't a joke or some kind of odd reverse, please wake up and get out. And go and get some therapy and take some time to be single and work on your self worth. I am guessing you might be very young.

You say you blocked her because you were angry at her, but she hasn't done anything wrong, has she???? She was thanking you and trying to protect you. Wake up. Take accountability too. If you truly care for the little girl I'm sure you can try to stay in touch.

I’d bet pretty much everything he’s told you about is ex is a total lie. She’s probably a lovely person, because guys like him always prey on kind, generous, caring women. She almost certainly chucked him out after the baby was born when she realised what a lazy, horrible waste of space he was.

He’s then roped you in to be full time childcare for his baby and sold you a bunch of lies about how the ex was “just a sex thing” and is “crazy”, “suicidal”, “has mental health issues” “is possessive of her child” (wtaf?!) etc. He’s actively prevented you from being friends with her - even though it would be much better for his daughter if you were - because he doesn’t want you to hear the truth. He’s so good at gaslighting you that even when she was kind to you, you ignored her and blocked her.

In the meantime he’s been trying it on with her and god knows how many other women behind your back by sending filthy messages and photos of his genitalia.

Please, please, please wake up and get yourself out of this mess before you end up being the next “just a sex thing” ex and mother of his child. These men are ten a penny and they all use the same strategy: charm you until you’re pregnant and they don’t have to bother any more, then show their true colours.

Great advice! Please listen OP

She made him so miserable that he sent a pic of his (presumably hard) dick to her?

Give over. Either this is an entirely made up scenario, or you aren't willing to accept the fact that your fiancé is a massive piece of shit that you should absolutely not be about to seriously tangle up your life with (emotionally, financially, legally) by marrying him.

I think it's the former. For fuck's sake, don't let it be the latter.

Oh dear OP. Open your eyes.

He sent those pics, but he's angry at her?

He doesn't want you to have a relationship with her because she's probably got more tea to spill about the extent of their "sex thing". I'd bet a lot of money that it didn't end when your relationship started.

Think, OP. If she was really that crazy and awful, and had been so spiteful to his family, and he thinks you are so much superior to her, why would he have been sexting her? Why would that have even crossed his mind?

She's right, you do deserve better. It's a shame you think this man is the prize and not the wooden spoon.

Agree.
Please don't marry him.

Is this a wind up?
She was desperate to break you two up so he sent dick pics??
Am I missing something here??

He’s really done a number on you OP

your entire opinion of his ex is based on what he has told you and he has a bias. He blames her for HIM sending her explicit photos and you believe him? He doesn’t want you meeting her and any communication you’ve had with her has been selfless pleasant and complementary to you. Yet his communications about her are far from nice.

Has your self esteem always been so low? Have you always been this gullible?

Open your eyes OP. He’s not a catch, he’s a creep and a player. He says what you want to hear but he’s doing something you don’t want. If it’s not This ex he’ll find someone else to show his genitals to and you’ll probably
believe him when he says she cast a spell over him and made him do it.

Get real OP. You’re his current doormat and his future crazy ex when things don’t work out. He enjoys the power games with you and with his ex. You need to grow up, open your eyes and get some self respect. The reason you feel so bad and can’t forget is because your instinct is telling you something is seriously wrong. Listen to your mind and body, believe yourself over his lies and bullshit.

How old are you OP? It’s coming across like you’re quite a bit younger than your boyfriend, you’re insecure, naive (sorry) and seem grateful for being treated badly.

You can’t see it now, but you’re making a big mistake with this man. He treats people badly,

He cheated on you (sexting is cheating) - he proposed to make it good, but it doesn’t. You no longer trust him and your body is trying to tell you to leave him, that’s why you can’t forget it.

Your relationship is fake. A good man doesn’t cheat.

After your shitty comments about single parents, I'm quite looking forward to you becoming one in a few years. So crack on with that wedding.