Can’t stop thinking about pics partner sent to “ex”

[CherryGirlAimz]

My fiancé and I are very happy together, engaged last year, live together, been on plenty of holidays together, and I help look after his daughter on weekends he has her.

however, about a year and a half ago, the mother of his child (not exactly an ex as he said she was just a sex thing to him and she developed feelings for him but he never wanted to be with her) messaged me and sent me screen shots of what’s app sexual messages and images (penis pics) my partner sent to her. It broke me at the time but partner swiftly apologised and said it was a one off moment of madness when he was working away. We had a long walk on the beach and he swore he would never do it again. I know for sure he hasn’t as after this moment he stopped communicating directly with mother of his child, she has mental health issues as it is and even tried to commit suicide after he refused to communicate with her again.

fast forward to now and we are happy and engaged, our relationship looks perfect from the outset, however I cannot get this incident from my head - I still feel insecure and jealous that he did that, and it plagues my mind often. She is very attractive and intelligent and I can’t stop feeling I’m inferior to her. He says the mother of his child is a drama queen and just wants to cause him and us misery hence why he never speaks to her anymore. I’m glad he doesn’t as I’d be worried of a repeat if she messaged him again.

my question is - when will this one incident stop plaguing my mind in my otherwise very happy relationship? I’ve not told any friends or family about it, his family don’t know of it either, I’d be too scared to disclose it to anyone I know really in case they judge partner badly for it.

This is intentional OP, for as long as you didn't meet she was always a back up plan. He's only mad at her for exposing him, not because he feels he's done wrong. Run away whilst you still can or you'll regret it in 20 years time.

He went for a walk on the beach with you, made up an excuse and expects you to never mention it again. God forbid you ever bring it up again because it will annoy him and your whole relationship is about him!

Wow, you’re judging the little girls mother because she doesn’t have a partner and takes her daughter out alone.

You are being foolish, your partner chose to behave in this fashion ( his ex did not make him 🙄 ) he is shit and you cannot rust him, but I’m sure you’ll stay because you ‘love him’. I feel sorry for the little girl.

She made him so miserable that HE SENT HER A PICTURE OF HIS COCK!
Jesus Christ! Please read back what you’ve written. Why are you allowing him to get away with this awful behaviour and turning her into the villain?
He isn’t a ‘changed man’ he’s just hot you brainwashed into his way of thinking,
I’m sorry if I sound angry, but I’m furious for you - this man is manipulating you so hard and you can’t see it!

He sent dick pics while you two were together? Then he now blames it on his ex being unhinged?

He doesn't sit comfortably with me. He needed to take ownership of his mistakes and stop blaming others for his own actions.

Placemarking

This. How low is your bar that you think this relationship is “perfect”?!

“In the summer she did message me on Facebook saying i deserve better and thanks for being an “amazing step mum” to her daughter…”

So she was still magnanimous and gracious to you but you believe all the stuff your bf and his family are saying? And you didn’t wonder why he didn’t want you talking to her?

Wait, HE was angry at HER after HE sent her pictures of his penis? And you think this is justified? He sounds like a misogynist creep and you sound delusional. Painting her as the psycho ex is a classic move from men like this too.

Him, him, him…

sorry, that’s just the sound of the echo chamber you seek.

Unfortunately some inexperienced people, when given good advice, dig their heels in and convince themselves that their situation is ‘different’ other people ‘don’t know how they feel’ and ‘it’s really not the same’.

These same people later grow and realise the truth and also have to face the reality that they can’t regain their lost energy and time.

This process can’t be expedited, if the individual doesn’t want to hear it.

So, all the best OP.

I hope one day you’re as switched on as his current ex, and sadly, you’ll probably get more of your ‘partners’ attention when you are (at his new partners’ expense no doubt).

I am not judging mother but I do think it’s nice like my partner said that his child has 2 people that can be there for her at the same time, I know I had mother and father raise me together as did he and I do feel sorry for children who are raised by single parents.

also part of me feels the mother is the one who made him - and I feel so angry at her for it - but then I also know he had a choice and surely he shouldn’t do it himself if he loved me like he says. and then I’m also blaming myself too - is it because my body isn’t good enough like hers? She is thinner than me and has big boobs and I feel like if I’d been enough for him he wouldn’t have done it. So I’m beating myself up too

You are blaming everyone but him! If your ex asked you for a picture of your fanny would you send it? No? But yet you think she made him do it.
🤷‍♀️

This can’t be serious. He’s calling the mother of his child a ‘sex thing’ and claiming she has ‘mental health issues’ yet still sent her dick pics? You do realise that these walking talking red flags always claim their ex’s are mentally unstable, life ruining psychos to cover up for their own awful personalities. Please don’t actually fall for this OP, get rid.

His Ex sounds really nice. She never said she didn’t want to be friends, that’s come from him. She sounds devoted to her child, not bringing another partner into the picture (which if she is beautiful and intelligent she could easily do). When he initiated “sexting” she showed you the messages to let you know even though she has no reason to show loyalty to you (unlike your partner) and she’s messaged you to say thank you for being a great stepmum. Anything bad seems to come from your partner or his family. She can’t be abnormally possessive of her child if she is happy for her to spend time with you and she’s never met you - so that doesn’t add up.
I wouldn’t put too much weight on him letting you live in his house without paying towards the mortgage, unless he’s changed the deeds to be both your names then he’s just protecting his assets. Do you have a date set for the wedding?

Surely this has to be a wind up.
The pair of you are acting like he is the poor victim of an unhinged stalker.
If this is actually real, Why are you feeding into this?

Good lord, the mum sounds like she has issues but then I don’t think you or her dad are adding much value. If you are going to judge about not having two parents together judge your partner, he’s the one who said it was just a sex thing, he was using the mum and now you’re being awful about her trying to raise her daughter alone. Honestly your wilful blindness is making me so cross.

Please explain how a women who he purports to hate made him send her dick pics? Genuinely I’m interested in how you can justify that.

Take some time alone and work on your self esteem, it is nothing to do with your body, your partner is just a waste man who cannot be trusted. Raise your standards and the next one may be better.

Youre clearly not very happy together if hes sending dick pics to an ex he says he hates. He sounds horrendous . Just out of interest was his penis erect in the photos? It might help guage whether or not he was sending the pictures happily or against his will as you seem to believe.
regardless of what her body is like compared to yours stop bringing such a pick me.
you can do better. It’s not your responsibility to make a family for his daughter.
hes a grade a arse hole

OP RUN

You are not going to be able to forget what happened because deep down you know it's incredibly fucked up.

Has this man taken any accountability for the atrocious shit he has done? Even him sending his dick to another woman while he's with you he's managed to convince you is everyone else's fault but his own.

Please OP have some self respect and higher your standards.

^ This.

It's so obvious what is actually happening behind the scenes here that if this were turned in as a creative writing project I'd say that the 'unreliable narrator' trope and glimpses of the real version of events need to be a bit more subtle.

But some people have to learn the hard way.

You know sending unsolicited dick pics illegal and so if she chooses to report him to the police he could be registered sex offender. Is that really who you want as a life partner?

Oh you’ve lost me now op. You’re jealous of her because she’s thin with big boobs so of course she’s the evil temptress that has lured your man in to depravity completely out of his control. Like that snake with the swirly eyes in Jungle Book or sailors being called by the siren’s song…the poor man couldn’t help taking a photograph of his erect penis and sending it to this harlot. It’s all her doing. 🙄 ffs.

Oh come on, this is a wind up now. No one is this dense.

Single mother here. Our kids are just fine without your pity thank you.

Ffs not another 'pick me girl' you sound absolutely pathetic and gaslit beyond words. Whilst your ex has his child once and a while the mother has his child the majority of the time, she is protective of her child, thanks you for being a good step mum, hasn't entered into another relationship and exposed your cheat of a boyfriend. You feel sorry for children who have single mums, but enter into a relationship with a man who has a child so your empathy and care isn't about reuniting a family like you try and pretend. Your boyfriend sounds like a narcissist in a weird codependent relationship with his flying monkey mother. It is a tale as old as time. But go ahead do what you want because you know it was a one off and you love him.

Oh my word. Please tell me you don’t actually believe this pile of crap? The one constant in this entire shitshow is HIM. If you want to believe you’ve saved him from an evil ex who bewitches unwilling men into sending dick pics and keeps her child away from bad influences, then frankly you have no excuses for being unable to predict what WILL happen next. I wish you strength, OP. You’re going to need it.