Never seen DH so angry - wet myself in fear

[Badsitu]

I know this is bad but it’s only just happened about half an hour ago and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I have 2 young children with DH and pregnant with third.

He took the girls out for the morning, came back and went to make himself some lunch. He asked for his olives as I was standing organizing the fridge and I told him that I threw them out a couple of days ago as they went bad (furry mould kind of bad).

He absolutely hates food waste, we both do and we are both pretty good about not wasting food in general but it happens from time to time and I wasn’t going to keep furry olives in the fridge.

Problem is… he went absolutely mental. He has never done this before, he said that if I dared throw away any of his food again he will break my arms. He took the joint card off of me and told me that I am not to buy any food shopping. He threw a sippy cup across the room, called me a selfish bitch but it was his aggressive tone and the look in his eyes that basically sent my body weak and numb and I fully lost control of my bladder and wet myself in the kitchen. It was awful.

He has stormed out of the house and I’m sat in shock, honestly not knowing what to do or say. Luckily the girls were in the garden and didn’t appear to hear or see anything but my goodness he was raging with anger - enough to make a grown woman wet herself.

When is your baby due, I'd contact the hospital or midwife anyway in case it was your waters, they can check you over. You do need to leave if you can and it's safe, I would contact the police too. Has he messaged you or come back yet.

Act now. Right now. If you wait then he'll be acting all charming and you'll start to feel safe again and like it was just a fluke and you're being silly. Until the next time when maybe he actually does break your arm.
You act now. While it's fresh. While he can't say "it came out of nowhere" and you tell everyone. This is not your shame.

When people say "oh he's devastated" you say "yeah but he went crazy screaming at me threatening to break my arms and I was so scared I pissed myself. I'm terrified of him."

Oh that's a good point actually. It doesn't detract from how serious this is, but wetting yourself from fear must be quite unusual, so worth getting that checked out too?

That's terrifying OP.

Has he ever shown signs of this behaviour before??

Next time you might not be pregnant and he could easily do more than scare you until you lose control of your bladder. He is happy to do this to you, he is testing your boundaries. Save yourself.

OP you need to be checked ASAP in case it was your waters. Can you take the kids and overnight stuff and go to someone who can keep you safe tonight?

If this is a one off incident I’d be inclined to report to the police and go and stay with friends or family for a few days. If it’s part of a pattern I’d be calling womens aid and working out to leave.

You don’t have to explain it. His behaviour is not for you to explain. Don’t try.

Stick to the facts. Focus on your safety.

I’m upset just reading this OP so god knows how you must feel. Please protect yourself and your babies from this monster. It will get worse. Go to a place of safety where you can get checked over . Call the police and Women’s Aid. Let yourself be helped by people who know what to do. And don’t go back to him.

Report to police. You don't need to press charges but it draws a line in the sand. Tells him it won't happen again.

Op this sent chills through me - no advice as leaving is easier said than done but please stay safe. When he has calmed down, can you have a conversation about it? Do you have any support nearby?

Her husband threatened to break her arms for throwing away a few mouldy olives! Of course she doesn't feel safe - she's heavily pregnant and was so scared she wet herself! Seriously what planet are you on???

OP, if I were you, I'd pack a bag, gather up your children and go to stay with family. Tell them what happened. You have no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed, you have done NOTHING wrong. You cannot stay with a man who has made you feel such fear. Please get yourself and your children out of there. Sending hugs 💐

Please talk to someone trusted in real life, and if at all possible to your named midwife. Domestic abuse very commonly begins or escalates in pregnancy. I'm so sorry that this has happened.

Lock him out. Call the police. Call a friend or family member to your home to support you.

Ive never read anything like it. Im so sorry OP.

He's threatened to seriously hurt you. He's removed your access to money - financial abuse and he terrified you.

Your safety (physical and emotional) of you and your children is paramount. Take care

I’m really scared for you. I can relate to the wetting yourself in fear thing, but don’t want to say any more other than I don’t think it’s that unusual when you’re threatened in that way, so no it’s not necessarily waters breaking. You are heavily pregnant, he could really do harm here, you need to protect your baby and children as well as yourself

Call the police love. Go be checked by a midwife to make sure it wasn’t your waters going. The freedom program might help you. What an awful man.

I hope you're ok, op, and getting checked out.

That would be it for me, the trust is replaced by fear and there's no going back. It wouldn't matter how charming he was, I'd always be wary.

Actually forget the conversation he's a monster - just stay safe xx

You tell them just like that.

This isn't your shame, it's his. Your family / friends aren't going to judge you for this, they'll judge him.

And I get that's scary right now, because you're a couple, a team. But you're not, not any more, he just broke that.

His shame is his alone now.

Call the police. He threatened to break your arms if you throw away mouldy food. Call the police.

I’m sorry you have kid and don’t work and all of that but it just doesn’t matter. Your marriage is over. And you need to document this. You need this in a file. He is also financially abusing, which is another crime, by removing you access to family funds when you don’t work. So report that to the police as well. Get onto online banking and remove as much money from the joint account as you can and put it into a personal account of yours - this is completely legal.

Call the police. And call women’s aid. And call your family. Get help, get out or get him removed when the police come. But you must act and act now. You will be fine. You sign up for UC, and you’ll get an advanced payment within a couple of days. You don’t need to have actually moved out or anything, you can claim as a single parent whilst still living together as long as you confirm you when separated.

You need to keep your kids safe. It isn’t just about you anymore. You have kids and a violent man. You need to act.

This may be the first time he's gone this far but I guarantee there are other times he's got angry with you about little things OP am I right?
He is dangerous and you do need to leave him. Before baby is born if possible. The easiest way is to report his abuse and threats to the police. They should arrest him and bail him to stay somewhere else which will give you time to make plans.

From your spelling and the words you use, OP - sippy cup for example - I think you're in the US? The same applies, however.

Can you get yourself out of there ASAP?

It really doesnt matter what the row was about. His behaviour shows that he was out of control. Sounds likd he's having some sort of breakdown.

He needs to be removed from your home. Call someone to take the children and make sure the children need to go now and then call the Police. This is real, the threat is real. Please don't minimise this or try and make excuses for him. He threatened to break your arms, would you except him speaking to your children like this ? No, you wouldn't so why except it for yourself and unborn baby. You cannot come back from this.

I work with a family where the wife really did get one of her arms broken as a deliberate and calculated punishment for disobedience.
Please get yourself and your children away to safety.