Never seen DH so angry - wet myself in fear

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I know this is bad but it’s only just happened about half an hour ago and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I have 2 young children with DH and pregnant with third.

He took the girls out for the morning, came back and went to make himself some lunch. He asked for his olives as I was standing organizing the fridge and I told him that I threw them out a couple of days ago as they went bad (furry mould kind of bad).

He absolutely hates food waste, we both do and we are both pretty good about not wasting food in general but it happens from time to time and I wasn’t going to keep furry olives in the fridge.

Problem is… he went absolutely mental. He has never done this before, he said that if I dared throw away any of his food again he will break my arms. He took the joint card off of me and told me that I am not to buy any food shopping. He threw a sippy cup across the room, called me a selfish bitch but it was his aggressive tone and the look in his eyes that basically sent my body weak and numb and I fully lost control of my bladder and wet myself in the kitchen. It was awful.

He has stormed out of the house and I’m sat in shock, honestly not knowing what to do or say. Luckily the girls were in the garden and didn’t appear to hear or see anything but my goodness he was raging with anger - enough to make a grown woman wet herself.

I’d think that ideally e needs to leave the house and not come back rather than OP leave. But agree she needs to do whatever is safest. I’d be contacting the police, it’s domestic abuse. He doesn’t need to actually be violent in order for it to be abuse. Is this the first time he’s behaved like this? Did he realise you’d wet yourself? If so how did he react? I agree tell everyone, don’t sweep this under the carpet.

Or maybe he's just a nasty bustard

Born and raised in England

56 years old

Always called it a sippy cup?

Nope. You cannot live with this man any longer. Neither can your children.

I rarely say this kind of thing, because I think there’s always another side, but in this case, absolutely not.

Phone women’s aid.

This is heartbreaking for you, so confusing to have this come out of the blue. First things first, get yourself and the children safe. Tell someone and get someone to support you with this. Then consider, is this unexpected and out of character - have you considered him being unwell? An awful thing to have to consider, but something neurological could be playing a part if this has really come from nowhere and is unlike him.

Do not keep this to yourself. Tell your parents, your siblings, his parents - you need support and for other people to know so that he cannot brush this away and pretend it didn't happen.

You will never feel the same about him again. Please don't let your children grow up in a house where you and they are walking on eggshells for fear of triggering a violent outburst. Protect yourself and your children.

Do you have any burly male relatives who will come and be with you while you tell him to pack his stuff and leave?

I don't say this flippantly - if this happened to me, I would not be there when he got back.
I would pack a bag, take the DC and go to family, hotel, friend... anywhere.

OP I know about these things because Ive been there. This is psychotic behaviour and you and the children are in grave danger.
Call the police, ask them to take you to an emergency refuge and go from there.
You are not safe. It will deteriorate from here.

He's not having any sort of breakdown. This isn't how he feels. It's about how he thinks.

This horrible man is controlling, abusive and violent. I remember well having to sneak things into council rubbish bins to avoid my ex husband's anger.

Please please run now while he is gone. That's absolutely mental and if he had hit you he could have both really hurt you and your baby.

You need to leave before he comes back. Don't stop to pack. Send someone else to get your things.

Editing to add: I'm not saying he isn't having some sort of mental health crisis himself if he's never acted like this before, but the priority is to make sure you and the kids are safe and THEN help him.

You say he's never been so angry.

Does he normally get not quite this angry? Like, he's an angry man generally but has never made you wet yourself in fear before? Or is this completely out of character?

If completely out of character, man has never raised his voice before, I would take your children to a friend's or relative's then talk to him when he comes home about what's going on and what his plan is to avoid it happening again. My husband had an uncharacteristic outburst of rage directed at me that was petrifying, but so completely out of character that he went to his GP and is now on anti-depressants and has a counselling and exercise plan etc. He was full of remorse. I wouldn't have stayed with him if he didn't take these steps, and he knows it.

If he is generally angry and this is an escalation - you know you can't live like this, with a generally angry man. You need a safe, calm home for you and your children.

How are you now?

Was the new baby planned by both of you or does he resent you being pregnant?

This
He could be snapping at something else.
I am very sorry that you have had this experience OP, very upsetting and I can understand why you were frightened.
If this is atypical behaviour, I would suggest you wait for him to provide some sort of apology /explanation.
I am not underestimating the enormity of the situation but I wouldn't make any rash decisions.
Take care OP

Ua rvia completelu out of character op ? A d gie ling gave you been together

Is their anyway other signs of a recent cha he of personality if so ?

You need help and you need space. Get both immediately. Regardless of any other factors, he’s just shown you who he truly is at his core. Do not ignore it.

Find a trusted friend, gather the children and get out of there.

You can work out what to do later.

Shame on him OP, I am so sorry this has happened to you. I think you should call the police or contact your midwife. Imagine if he said this to one of your little girls over nothing and they wet themselves with fear. You need to get them out of that situation.

Has he had a temper before? Men can unmask and escalate when their wife is pregnant or when there is children because they think they have you trapped. But you have options. Please speak to someone in real life though OP. Don't feel ashamed the shame is his, you need to protect yourself, your girls and your unborn baby. Xxx

I was thinking that or some brain condition

He's never done "anything" like this before? Are you sure - he is never disrespectful, controlling, abusive in any way before? It not it is an extreme reaction from nowhere.

If my dh did similar I'd be on the phone to his brother saying something is very wrong and to find him because it would genuinely be out of character.

You need to be honest with yourself here if this is escalating but existing behaviour/character.

you need to start planning your exit, be that exit today, a month or a year from now. I would also call the police today.
its likely this will escalate and escalate.

Oh my god, you poor woman. You wet yourself in fear, that’s really really not ok. I almost can’t compute.

This is not an environment to raise kids. Please please take action.

Not if her husband was making lunch at around 2pm GMT.

Oh come on, give us a fighting chance.

Just put it this way.
I was scared just reading your post …..

Is this completely out of character?

Wars the worst thing he's ever done before now?

Leave, take kids. Go somewhere you feel safe.

Call the police, your reaction shows absolute terror.