Your thoughts on somethin that happened yesterday

[Peurbhoy]

NC-ed for this and will change a few details. Yesterday I was at a sports arena waiting for DC10 to finish their sport. DC came out and sat on the top benches outside the arena and I was helping them take off the gear. Very busy surrounds - lots of kids entering and leaving arena and lots of parents nudging them along/helping etc. I suddenly noticed that DC's footwear had nudged to its side an open cup of drink that had been left by someone on one of the benches. The last bits of what presumably was someone's hot chocolate. To my absolute horror I then saw that there was a pram underneath the bench and inside said pram was a little baby. The dregs of the drink had dripped on to the pram and the baby's forehead. I was horrified - I immediately alerted the mum and put my hand straight into the drink/cup to test the temperature (cool). I apologised profoundly - and it turned out that the drink had been left atop the baby's pram by one of the older kids of the mum/her group. I asked repeatedly if the baby is ok and checked the temperature of the spills over and again.

The mum - very understandably- absolutely lost it at me. Called me "fucking disgusting" about ten times and then started calling DC "fucking horrible". DC burst into tears. I kept apologising, saying I understand, I am a mum myself - I am so sorry. I said It wasnt my drink (it was her older child's drink left there) - and please should we get a staff member with first aid kit to check the baby. The woman kept screaming "fucking idiot" and "fucking cunting disgusting" at DC who was crying by now.

I went over to the reception desk and asked for a team member to please come - and said what had occured and to please bring a first aider to check the baby just in case. I knew the liquid wasnt hot, but I still felt like because of how small the baby is she should at least be seen to. The woman kept screaming "fucking cunting idiot" and once I knew the staff had reached them and baby had been checked (baby was fine) - I left with a terrified DC.

I kept reminding DC - mummies are like dragons, imagine being a new mummy, and seeing the horror of a drink (of unknown temperature) spilling on your baby - you'd be terrified and I know I would be so worried. DC kept asking why did she keep swearing at DC and me despite our efforts - i kept reiterating mums feel fierceley and rightly protective of tiny, vulnerable things.

I cannot get past this replaying in my head. I have shed many tears of shame/remorse/worry about it. DH and a friend both think it wasn't wise of them to leave a baby in a pram under a bench and one of their kids' drinks on said bench - but I cannot get past the horor that I/DC had knocked a drink on to a baby, and the absolute swearing/screaming in a public place that happened to us. And whether I could have done something else that I didn't do?

We have to go back to the arena because 1) DC has lessons in that sport 2) DC's sibling has lessons in anothrer sport same place and 3) they both practice the sport there. DC has also worryingly asked me if they see us again if they will put a drink on DC. I brushed that thought away and said they wouldnt even recognise us but DC piped up with our ethnicity and that we are possibly more easily rememberable (!) in our town. I am sad that such a thought has even crossed DC mind.

Sorry for the essay but I am so shaken/upset/mortified I just wanted some views on what else I could have done.

Not to mention two of my cousins have had newborns of late and really relying on me on whatsapp for BF-ing, post birth queries and support - and I am horrified thinking I could have done this to their newborns, or what they'd think of me if they ever found out.

Agree you should be standing up for your own child in this instance, not profusely apologising

It wasn’t your fault op. It wasn’t even your drink. It wasn’t hot. Most people would have told you just that. You are massively underreacting. The way she spoke to you in front of child was awful.

I can not believe you allowed someone to speak to your child in such a manner. You had a duty to apologise once. She made herself in the wrong. You should have done a much better job defending your child.

Am I missing something? This was not your fault OP, the baby’s mother left the baby somewhere distinctly unsafe and then when you had the good grace to apologise and check on baby’s welfare she behaved in an appalling manner.
She sounds like total scum and I wouldn’t waste one second thinking about her.

I can't understand why you're defending this woman so much....she sounds demonic with a sewer for a gob!

My thoughts are that her baby is going to have an interesting vocabulary when it starts to talk

When I was around your child's age mum got punched and insulted by a woman in town we didn't know who I think must have been mentally unwell. Lots of really awful language. It was upsetting at the time but I remember my mum was so reasonable about it (she was upset too of course) but she made it sort of make sense and it blew over and I don't remember it causing us distress for very long. Not quite the same situation of course but your calm responses will have set a good example. I hope I would be the same although I fear I am more end up in a massive slanging match where I end up looking like a tit 🤣

Chin up if you see her again, any abusive language shouldnt be tolerated by the staff, if hope they would kick her out although they sound rather ineffectual.

One other thought if you have the presence of mind is to take your camera out and start filming if anything happens. I appreciate not technically permissible in some sports places but in the circumstances it might make her less likely to throw hands. I got a road raging cyclist to piss off when I told him he was being filmed on my dash cam. I don't have a dash cam but he didn't stay around to check.

Yeah... if you believe so strongly about the dragon mother bullshit then why on earth were you not sticking up for your son when he was being abused by this woman?
Poor thing being led to believe this behaviour is ok, no wonder he was confused. I'm glad your'e going to go over it with him again.

Deranged and disgusting comments. I’d be complaining to the arena. She sounds utterly unhinged.

🤣🤣🤣

The person at fault was the person who left the drink. You took responsibility and got no thanks for it. You did nothing wrong imho.

The baby will be absolutely fine, they go swimming and get wetter. You need to focus you energy on the appalling behaviour of the other Mom , who didn’t sound very concerned about the behaviour. Head held high next time you go there and for your child too x

Not really the full thread but Im confused. A baby in a pram UNDER a bench? How? Why would a baby in pram be put there?
The mother needs to give her head a wobble and parent her child adequately, rather than blame others for a wholly preventable incident

Massive over reaction by the other Mum. I could have understood her swearing initially, in a moment of panic, but not the sustained screaming it sounds like she did. Your DS isn't entirely wrong about swearing in public being illegal either. There are public order act offences that can be committed by screaming and shouting in public like she did.

Was it a very high bench or a very low pram, I'm having difficulty visualising it. Weird of the mother to push the pram right under the bench and not notice there was a cup of potentially hot liquid perched over the baby. And the language was disgusting. If you see her again just ignore and tell your child there are very rude people in the world and you just have to ignore them.

Yes! I wish I'd had the courage to say that.

Honestly OP I am glad you have some perspective. Someone did spill some hot liquid on my baby (their drink) and I reassured them it was accident after speedily stripping my child. But then I am not an abusive twat who leaves drinks in stupid places. Tell your child she has been spoken to but you wanted to be kind in the moment - lie - give him back some certainty and have a practise of saying no, fuck off or behave so you are ready for the next hapless idiot who is rude. The truth is that she would t have spoken like that to some people and while you don’t want to come over feral there is merit to being able to shut down people like that.

This is not on you, and in my view you shouldnt be excusing her to your son. I'd be saying something more along the lines of 'some people are not nice people and behave badly, and whilst we knocked the drink it shouldnt have been left there in the first place. She yelled because she felt guilty and took it out on us'. Unfortunately your son will come across horrible rough people like this in life, as we all do, and he shouldnt be taught to accept or excuse it.

You’re very kind op. And a wonderful, level headed person in a crisis. I hope, in time, your dc will remember that you recognised the danger, stayed calm in the face of extreme provocation, and were the person who got first aid for that little baby.

I understand your protective dragon metaphor but I’m shocked that this women’s reaction was to abuse a child instead of attending to her own, and getting her own child medical attention. I know none of us know how we’ll react in a crisis but honest to god, she takes the biscuit.

@Everleigh13 has given good advice about how to talk to your dc about it, but don’t take on too much guilt. You prioritised a helpless small baby that was twice neglected, in the absence of any other competent adult. Your on the spot triage was appropriate.

You need to forgive yourself (and your dc) for what didn’t happen - there was no boiling liquid, no scalded, or scarred dc. My imagination works the exact same way so I understand.

Big hug for both of you.

Lots of posts! Whether it was my sons skates/me undoing one of his skates/my elbow/my sons other skate - one of us knocked this over. Without a video recording I cannot be 100% certain if it was my son or me, skate or elbow.

My reaction in the moment was I guess instinct/survival when confronted/initial shock that drink could be hot?

Im very impressed to see how differently others would have responded or felt differently and would have acted differently and thought about it all differently in that moment!

Lessons learnt and notes made!

Thank you.

Okay, thank you.

No idea how the drink landed on her baby but you should have left when she started shouting at your child. Put it out of your mind and move on, some people are bat shit.

Thank you. Yes as a PoC - and the mum of a mixed child of colour perhaps I unconsciously felt more afraid than I should have felt. For sure it’s given me much to reflect on

Ice rink seating. Pram against bottom bench of three bench rink seating on ground floor. Drink left on bottom bench which is at par or maybe an inch above top of pram. Hope this helps. I’m sorry my initial explanation was logistically confusing.