Your thoughts on somethin that happened yesterday

[Peurbhoy]

NC-ed for this and will change a few details. Yesterday I was at a sports arena waiting for DC10 to finish their sport. DC came out and sat on the top benches outside the arena and I was helping them take off the gear. Very busy surrounds - lots of kids entering and leaving arena and lots of parents nudging them along/helping etc. I suddenly noticed that DC's footwear had nudged to its side an open cup of drink that had been left by someone on one of the benches. The last bits of what presumably was someone's hot chocolate. To my absolute horror I then saw that there was a pram underneath the bench and inside said pram was a little baby. The dregs of the drink had dripped on to the pram and the baby's forehead. I was horrified - I immediately alerted the mum and put my hand straight into the drink/cup to test the temperature (cool). I apologised profoundly - and it turned out that the drink had been left atop the baby's pram by one of the older kids of the mum/her group. I asked repeatedly if the baby is ok and checked the temperature of the spills over and again.

The mum - very understandably- absolutely lost it at me. Called me "fucking disgusting" about ten times and then started calling DC "fucking horrible". DC burst into tears. I kept apologising, saying I understand, I am a mum myself - I am so sorry. I said It wasnt my drink (it was her older child's drink left there) - and please should we get a staff member with first aid kit to check the baby. The woman kept screaming "fucking idiot" and "fucking cunting disgusting" at DC who was crying by now.

I went over to the reception desk and asked for a team member to please come - and said what had occured and to please bring a first aider to check the baby just in case. I knew the liquid wasnt hot, but I still felt like because of how small the baby is she should at least be seen to. The woman kept screaming "fucking cunting idiot" and once I knew the staff had reached them and baby had been checked (baby was fine) - I left with a terrified DC.

I kept reminding DC - mummies are like dragons, imagine being a new mummy, and seeing the horror of a drink (of unknown temperature) spilling on your baby - you'd be terrified and I know I would be so worried. DC kept asking why did she keep swearing at DC and me despite our efforts - i kept reiterating mums feel fierceley and rightly protective of tiny, vulnerable things.

I cannot get past this replaying in my head. I have shed many tears of shame/remorse/worry about it. DH and a friend both think it wasn't wise of them to leave a baby in a pram under a bench and one of their kids' drinks on said bench - but I cannot get past the horor that I/DC had knocked a drink on to a baby, and the absolute swearing/screaming in a public place that happened to us. And whether I could have done something else that I didn't do?

We have to go back to the arena because 1) DC has lessons in that sport 2) DC's sibling has lessons in anothrer sport same place and 3) they both practice the sport there. DC has also worryingly asked me if they see us again if they will put a drink on DC. I brushed that thought away and said they wouldnt even recognise us but DC piped up with our ethnicity and that we are possibly more easily rememberable (!) in our town. I am sad that such a thought has even crossed DC mind.

Sorry for the essay but I am so shaken/upset/mortified I just wanted some views on what else I could have done.

Not to mention two of my cousins have had newborns of late and really relying on me on whatsapp for BF-ing, post birth queries and support - and I am horrified thinking I could have done this to their newborns, or what they'd think of me if they ever found out.

Goodness, what a situation. I think you did exactly the right thing, though I would have apologised only once or twice. You checked the baby, who wasn't being attended to or watched as far as I can see. You checked the temperature of the drink. You got help. You explained carefully and caringly to your child.

I don't think you did anything wrong.

She was screaming and shouting and swearing because in her eyes you exposed her as being negligent. She was just taking her guilt out on you.

I'm amazed that you were so measured to be honest.

OP it was an accident. I'd try and put it behind you and not to keep thinking about it. You apologised and tried to help and behaved in a positive manner as soon as you realised. It sounds like the mother was upset but I don't think that warranted the language and vitriol leveled at you and your DC.

Don't keep thinking back on it as you may well transfer some of your worries to you DC.

Oh poor you and your DS! That woman behaved appallingly, if anyone should be ashamed of themselves, it should be her. Imagine speaking like that to a child? Yes, she may have been scared and I would have a given her a pass or two for that but to keep swearing at 10 year old like that - she would certainly have met my dragon.
On a separate note, teach yourself to apologise once, sincerely and fully, but just the once. No need to over apologise. It was an accident, you said sorry and the child wasn’t harmed. No need to flagellate yourself or your DS for it.

Thank you all. It was a little baby though. She was completely helpless - strapped into her pram - if she was held she could have been moved from the drips. A newborn baby. "Fucking cunting disgusting idiot spilling a drink on a newborn baby" - I will not forget the words soon.

I understand DC10 appears really big next to a newborn but he kept sobbing and asking me if "using the F word in public is illegal" - which was also heartbreaking because it isn't illegal of course.

Thanks very much - I know I should move on but the fact it was such a newborn baby and was strapped in and couldnt move is just replaying on loop. I wish the baby's cousin/sibling hadnt abandoned their drink there but we should have been so much more careful.

She should teach her older kids to put their rubbish in the bin then and not leave it lying around. What happened was an accident on your DC's part, she sounds like a horrible gobby cow.

It was most definitely not your fault op, the mother should never have left her small baby unattended underneath a bench and she should have noticed that her other child had left a drink where it could be knocked over. I suspect she lost her temper because she was embarrassed at her carelessness and was trying to deflect the blame onto you. Swearing at you and particularly your child was disgusting and hopefully when she calmed down she realised this. If you see her again, don't be tempted to engage with her. If she starts ranting again she'll end up being banned from the place.

Id have told my DC some people are very strange tbh, I wouldnt have defended her, or interacted with her any more beyond the initial apology and explanation.

Baby will be fine give it a few months and it will be twatting itself on the head with a rattle.

Don't stress about it too much. It will fade gradually from your memory and become less upsetting over time, without you having to do anything to effect that.

It sounds as if you're stressed because you're replaying something that didn't in fact happen -- a tiny baby strapped in and unable to move away from a stream of boiling hot liquid falling onto its head. Remind yourself that didn't happen. You're replaying an imaginary situation.

Entirely their fault and she knew it. People always kick off like this when they know something is their fault.

It really is as simple as that.

Her behaviour was awful and I'd completely grey wall her next time.

This! She should be annoyed at the child who left half a hot chocolate on top of a pram if anyone at all tbh. It's an accident the child was fine. Also why was her pram under a bench/table or have I misunderstood that bit?

Not your fault at all and what a horrid experience. Perhaps it will teach her to keep an eye on her children rather than leave them 'under a bench'.

Her behaviour was outrageous. I actually think you went too far defending her to your DC. Nobody has the right to swear and scream like that, particular not over an accident where nobody was hurt.

It was a nasty situation and I think you should try to put it behind you and know you did your best and were very reasonable. Don’t let it stop you going back again.

I hope that the staff had a word with her about her language, as obviously there must have been lots of youngsters there who do not need to hear that.
at the end of the day it was an accident pure and simple. she should have been watching to see where her child put their drink anyway.
i know its hard to go back but in my eyes you did nothing wrong and that woman wants to give her head a shake

I would have told her to fuck off and left tbh. You apologised far too many times and all she did was abuse you.

I don't think you or DC did anything wrong. Accidents happen and your 10yo knocked a cup in a crowded area.

Her reaction was way over the top and if she was worried about the possibility of a hot drink being spilt on the baby, she shouldn't have left baby under the bench, or let her older irresponsible child have a hot drink. She should be ashamed of her behaviour. I think I would be planning a response for if I bumped into her again. I would probably ask reception to speak to her about her language in front of children.

It sounds like it was more her fault than yours. You did the right thing for the baby, but I think you could stick up for yourself more in future when someone is being verbally abusive.

I'd tell your child that some people are just mean.

Sorry but I think the minute that she continuously swore like that at my child would be the minute I stopped apologising. I'm sure she was upset but that's unacceptable when she was the adult in the situation and I'd be making sure my child knew I had their back and the way she spoke to them was not okay.

It sounds like there was something very wrong with her, saying vile words to a child and repeating herself over and over again. Weird to focus on it being disgusting rather than dangerous. You were unlucky.

I did tell her towards the end to please not use words like that but that escalated it. I just called the arena to let them know about yesterday. Their reactions are the same as yours and they agree it was an accident and nothing warrants that sort of abuse. They will put feedback on that the vending machines for drinks should also dispense lids and there should be more bins available - but I am happy i called and registered/reported what happened. thank you for all your kind words.

I live elsewhere, but I can't get past that language being used at a venue full of children.

I feel like no matter what you did or didn't do, would result in some type of outburst like this. But you did everything that you could, and in the correct manner.

The fact a pram was parked underneath a bench just shows there is a lacking in common sense. It could have been anything that fell through, cold dregs of a chocolate drink is the most minor of what could have happened.

It's fresh in your mind now, and you were verbally attacked. It's no wonder this keeps going over and over in your mind.

If you have the misfortune to see them there again, just ignore them.

She sounds like she overreacted and was guilty as she knew it was her kid’s drink and yes it could’ve been hot. Her language was appalling by the way and the going on about it.

This was not yours or DC's fault and you did the right thing in letting her know and apologising (though I might have been tempted to not mention it once I had established that the drink wasn't hot if it wasn't much).

She was unhinged. Even if she was upset about potential harm to her baby it does not excuse her language and particularly once it was established that the drink a, was cold, and b, was HER OWN KIDS' DRINK!

Tell your DC that she wasn't a very nice person and she must have been very angry to use such language, but sometimes when people are very angry, it's more about them than it is about us. Yes, we should take responsibility for things like where our belongings are placed and that this isn't careless, but also, there was no harm done and the baby was OK.

If you have cause to see her again, stay away and bring your children away too.

I think it probably is illegal to scream obscenities at somebody BTW, it probably constitutes verbal harrassment. Of course something not being legal doesn't mean it never happens.

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Her child left a hot drunk about her baby. You apologised to much and took to much responsibility for the situation. Your child did nothing wrong and she acted appallingly. Don't make excuses for her behaviour. I would tell my child that the lady was worried and that its okay to be worried but it's not okay to shout abd swear like that. Thar sometimes adults don't behave appropriately and lose control of themselves. If she approaches you again I wouldn't engage with her at all. Can you go yo the club with someone else next week. I'd be inclined to ask someone else to look after the kids if she kicks off to take them out of earshot. Ghe woman clearly don't care about her children hearing expletives and witnessing her bad behaviour so of she wants to carry on I'd be inclined to tell her what a nasty and aggressive person she is effing and jeffing at you and a 10 year old over something her own kid instead of adequately supervising her own children. It wouldn't have happened if she actually parented her own child.