DD banned from NYC trip

[Chickenwinger]

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

As a headteacher, I think the school are absolutely right on this one and you should be supporting their decision, not thinking of complaining.

Staff take on a huge amount of responsibility taking children on overseas residentials. Why would you want your daughter and the staff to be in a dangerous position in one of the busiest cities in the world, thousands of miles from home? I’m actually gobsmacked.

Don’t be “that” parent. This is completely her own doing and serves her right.
Complain all you want, but the school won’t bend on this. She’s a risk. Why the geek should the staff have to deal with that sort of behaviour?

Your DD needs help to manage and regulate her emotions.

Redirect your energy and resources into helping her, it will set her up for success.

It looks like she's struggling and needs help,
potentially professional help which will be much more valuable for her life than a school trip.

100% school is right.
It's not even about punishment, with her behaviour, the school can't guarantee to keep her safe on a trip like this.

She's had a clear warning and chosen to ignore it, even if the other girl was being a dick. At 15 she is old enough to know the consequences of her actions and she needs to see that in action here. If you want to soften the blow a bit you could offer her a weekend away somewhere with you during the NYC trip time IF she behaves in the meantime. It will not be NYC and will not involve her friends but could at least offer a bit of something to look forward to. I feel sorry for her but I do think school are right im afraid.

Agree with everyone else here, school are completely right, putting your daughter's safety first - and the safety of every other kid on the trip too, they deserve to have supervision from someone whose attention isn't pulled to the known flight risk. Of course she shouldn't go.

If you go to school, it should be to ask their advice on how to support your daughter to cope with disagreements in a more positive and safe manner. She needs to learn how to control the urge to run away before it puts her in a dangerous situation. School can help you (and her) with finding some strategies.

I'm with teachers and DH.
She not emotionally mature enough and do u really want her wandering NYC alone if she storms off

If her response was to take off when upset it is completely understandable that the school views her as risky for travel. What if she were to disappear overseas, fgs? Anything could happen. So, it's for her own safety, really. I'd want to get to the bottom of what's going on with her, though.

If your daughter falls out with her friends in NYC and runs off and something awful happens, not only will the school staff feel terrible but there will be all sorts of problems and probably no more trips of that nature. It really isn't surprising that the school doesn't want to risk it.

Totally agree. School have given her chances and she’s demonstrated her behaviour has not changed.

If you do anything but support the schools decision here then you will be re-enforcing her poor behaviour. Stand firm with the schools decision and your husband. She needs the lesson

@Chickenwinger who'd be a teacher these days? Complain - are you serious? Your daughter is a pain to put it nicely. She's had many chances to behave differently but chooses not to.
Would you give up your own time to take someone elses's bolshie teenager abroad when the reaction of their parent to her bad behaviour is to complain about you?
Her choices, her consequences.

Your DH is correct.

Classic case of play stupid games win stupid prizes......the school have done her (( and you )) a massive favour. Hopefully she'll stop the knobbish behaviour. 🤣

The school is right. Can you imagine her walking off in NYC, getting the metro to god knows where!!! She'd end up another missing persons.

Yes, she doesn’t sound like a happy kid. I’d be putting my energy into figuring out how to help her with her friendships and her emotional regulation.

Think about it from the teachers perspective- can you imagine the prospect of taking a disruptive teen whose liable to fall out with people and storm off to a foreign country.

she’s had multiple chances to prove she can behave and be trusted- and has failed to demonstrate.

support the schools decision and use this as a learning opportunity for her

School is right: shes a risk with persistent bad behaviour on trips and she’ll ruin it for everyone. She absolutely deserves to miss out as a direct result of her behaviour

How on earth could this be anything other than entirely reasonable? Children walking off put themselves in danger. They cause very high stress for teachers who are responsible for them. They cause inconvenience and delay for children who are doing the right thing. And she was clearly warned before. I'm really struggling to see how this could not be entirely justified as a decision - made with your daughter's safety at the top of the agenda!

No teacher in their right mind would take a child who is prone to fleeing the group to a city like New York. She could potentially ruin the trip for everyone, and put herself in danger. Well done to the headteacher, and if nothing else your child has learnt a valuable lesson in actions having consequences.

I’m 100% on the schools side on this one! What if she did go to NYC, had another argument with someone and stormed off? Think of your reaction if she got lost in New York, one of the biggest cities in the world? She has to learn her lesson, she can’t just stomp off in a mood in a place she could easily get lost in.

She's had a clear warning and chosen to ignore it, even if the other girl was being a dick. At 15 she is old enough to know the consequences of her actions and she needs to see that in action here. If you want to soften the blow a bit you could offer her a weekend away somewhere with you during the NYC trip time IF she behaves in the meantime. It will not be NYC and will not involve her friends but could at least offer a bit of something to look forward to. I feel sorry for her but I do think school are right im afraid.

The school CANNOT be responsible for keeping her safe if she wonders off in New York.

Its her own fault.

It absolutely serves her right. She was warned, what on earth do you expect? They aren't going to reward her bad behaviour or risk her safety or even ruining the trip for others.

Maybe she will finally learn and grow up a bit.