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Original poster

DD banned from NYC trip

1000 replies

Chickenwinger · 27/01/2026 07:43

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

OP posts:
Crochetandtea · 27/01/2026 18:11

Serves her right tbh. No teacher would willingly take your daughter to New York. You cannot force them to do anything as trips are a bonus and organised with the good will of the school staff.
Speak to your daughter about consequences and accept that you can’t fight her battles for her.

blooooooor · 27/01/2026 18:11

And what are you going to say in that complain 😳
Your daughter is upset now, but this is real life consequence for shitty behaviour. What do you think will happen when soon she goes into real, bad world out there… let this be a lesson for her.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes 🤷🏼‍♀️

Lemonandlime123 · 27/01/2026 18:13

When your daughter is away on a school trip, the teachers act in loco parentis. It sounds as if your daughter has been given an opportunity to demonstrate that she can behave safely on a school trip and has not been able to do so. As a teacher, with a duty of care, I would not be willing to take your daughter on an international residential based on this. The school have been fair and this is a good opportunity for your daughter to reflect. It would be unfair to the teachers to put them in this position, they have a whole group to look after.

CrispySquid · 27/01/2026 18:13

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a thread on Mumsnet that got the full 40 pages where every single poster unanimously without exception is telling the OP that they are in the wrong.

Lostsoul35 · 27/01/2026 18:13

Boredoflunch1 · 27/01/2026 07:44

No.

You need to use this as a learning opportunity for your DD. Do things that mean people can't trust you, and there will be a consequence.

Are you seriously asking this. Your daughter has shown multiple times she can't behave why should that stress be put on staff taking her. Her actions have had relevant consequences it will be a lesson for her.

singlepringle12 · 27/01/2026 18:15

She’s a flight risk and therefore a safeguarding risk, no way would I be happy to supervise her in another country as a staff member.
A hard but important lesson for her to learn a bit of self control in situations I’m afraid!

Goactually · 27/01/2026 18:18

Agree with everyone. I think OP has probably got the message now! Actions have consequences.

WonderingWanda · 27/01/2026 18:18

As a teacher who leads residential abroad I don't blame her teachers at all. If you are responsible for a coach load of teenagers and one walks off and then something happens to them it would impact the whole trip for all students.

It's a massive responsibility to take kids away and we need to know that the students we are taking are reliable enough to follow instructions. Your dd has proven herself to be someone who had a lot of arguments with fellow students and is flighty and u predicatable when that happens. What if she does that at the airport and they miss their flight? What if she get lost, NYC is huge? Why should they take that risk. Tell her its her own stupid fault, she had another chance and then blew it.

suki1964 · 27/01/2026 18:20

Chickenwinger · 27/01/2026 07:43

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

What you need to do is look at your idea of parenting and installing boundaries and self discipline

StuntAcorn · 27/01/2026 18:22

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

What happened after the teachers call you?
Did she behave, or did you have to go get her?

Hoardasurass · 27/01/2026 18:24

CrispySquid · 27/01/2026 18:13

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a thread on Mumsnet that got the full 40 pages where every single poster unanimously without exception is telling the OP that they are in the wrong.

Which is probably why the op hasn't come back

Womaninhouse17 · 27/01/2026 18:25

She's had a chance to prove she can behave and she showed that she can't be relied on. It's a big responsibility to take schoolchildren away, let alone abroad. The staff can't be blamed for not risking any disobedience or disruption during the trip.

PolyVagalNerve · 27/01/2026 18:25

Omg she can’t behave herself !!!

school trip ???? No way

SauvignonBlanche · 27/01/2026 18:25

I can’t believe that the OP and their DD are questioning this.

OneFunBrickNewt · 27/01/2026 18:25

I think some people say FAAFO.
Your daughter did just that. Of course you feel sorry for her, but speaking as a teacher, why should a teacher risk their career/mortgage etc by taking a dangerously irresposible child to NYC?

Holdinguphalfthesky · 27/01/2026 18:28

She has proven that she is a flight risk. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for a child who could run away from the group I’m supervising at any moment, particularly not abroad, particularly not the USA.

Can you imagine having to be the teacher who rings the parents from New York to say they’ve lost your daughter and for all they know she’s been deported internally (or externally!) by ICE with no paperwork completed. Let this be a learning moment!

Traitorsisontv · 27/01/2026 18:29

Prior to retirement I was a teacher.

After her first incident I’d not have been happy taking her on a subsequent trip.

After her second incident I’d have been really grateful to the Head taking a decisive lead.

As a teacher you are potentially putting your job on the line when you take pupils out of school. Teachers aren’t paid any extra to be at work 24/7.

Planning a trip means producing risk assessments - often mentioning pupils of note.

Your DD’s behaviour has crossed a line. They can’t afford the risk of taking her - both her causing herself problems or causing problems for others.

She’s made her bed and now needs to lie on it. Please don’t give her a trip as a compensatory treat.

ScribblingPixie · 27/01/2026 18:32

Wow, no. She walked off on her own in a city. Teachers can't trust her to follow their instructions. How can you think she'd be safe in New York? The school is being responsible and this lesson should help her moving forwards.

CrispySquid · 27/01/2026 18:32

And besides, it’s irrelevant if you complain to the school. The school can’t force staff to volunteer for a trip. If teachers are told they have to take a child on the trip that they collectively feel would be a risk or unsafe or make the trip a nightmare, they would simply withdraw themselves from volunteering for the trip. I know I would as a teacher. No way am I risking my career and possible harm coming to a child just to alleviate (deserved) disappointment to a child.

You even say in your OP that (unsurprisingly) none of the teachers are willing to be responsible. A complaint would achieve nothing. Schools can’t compel teachers to give up their free time outside of contracted hours to look after a known flight-risk, safeguarding risk and perpetual PITA. If I was forced to take your daughter on the trip, I’d be pulling out as fast as you could imagine.

MrsHamlet · 27/01/2026 18:35

Of course you don't complain about it. If she can't behave on a single day trip here there is absolutely no way she can be trusted overnight in another country. She has only herself to blame.

BustyLaRoux · 27/01/2026 18:35

After having her arse handed to her, I don’t OP is coming back.

Menonut · 27/01/2026 18:38

Put yourself in the teachers shoes. Would you want to be responsible someone else’s 15 year old daughter in a city like New York when she has a history of disappearing??? They’ve also got to think of the other students they are taking and will be responsible for, they can’t just dump them and go off looking for your daughter.

NoFiller · 27/01/2026 18:38

You should definitely complain. That’s outrageous from the school, trying to impose consequences on your daughter for her behaviour. Being rude to teachers and causing problems on multiple school trips after being warned should in no way be a factor in deciding whether she is allowed on future school trips.

Soontobe60 · 27/01/2026 18:39

My child wouldn’t even have had a chance to go on another trip if she behaved this way! That was the OPs biggest mistake .

TheDaysAreGettingLongerAgain · 27/01/2026 18:40

Better to learn at 16 than later when she joins the workforce as petulant behaviour could get her fired.

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