DD banned from NYC trip

[Chickenwinger]

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

Sounds like a fair decision, who wants to deal with that shit whilst trying to looking after loads of other kids in a different country. Lesson learnt for her, hopefully she will learn that bad behaviour has consequences.

I’m with your DH on this one

Well, she fucked around and she found out.

Please don't be that parent. Support the school in their decision, and concentrate on turning your daughter around.

What about the other girl @Chickenwinger did they deal with her?

Your DD def needs more coping mechanisms when she feels over whelmed and upset.

Maybe you can use the £ and do something nice with her. Keep an eye on skyscanner for cheap flights that you can buy.

Sending a hug, being a teen is hard isn't it?

I think it is the safest thing for her to be honest. It sounds as if the issue is probably not so much her behaviour as her response if things get a little difficult. She simply can't be trusted to keep herself safe. A repeat of the running off on her own in New York is incredibly irresponsible and if I was in loco parentis I would be very unhappy when doing the risk assessment for the trip. The impact it has on the activities arranged and on other young people and on everybody's safety has to be considered as well since the staff ratio won't be high. I think you can count yourself lucky that the school has made this decision for you. I'm sure most parents would be anxious about her even putting her name down for the trip. It isn't really a question of serving her right, it's common sense.

Why should the school look after your spoilt child with an attitude that she has?

Fuck that - the school are right to ban her.

Serves your daughter fucking right - maybe now she can grow up and behave herself.

I know! I can't believe OP was actually thinking of complaining to the school about their only sensible decision!

If one of my DC had walked out of a field trip after the issues in France, I’d be cancelling them off the NY trip myself. Trips to France and NY are a privilege that needs to be earned. Sorry but I support the school in this. What if she walked off in the middle of New York?

When I was in Primary 7, we knew that our trip was going to be to The Glass Factory because that was where the P7 trip always went. Lo and behold, the mould was broken - we went to the Highland Show. Most enjoyable.

By contrast...and this is going to sound like a broken record...DH and I met at my first teaching post. He told me that he refused to go on school trips because he'd been one of the teachers on a trip to the Highland Show and the kids had robbed the place blind.*

Having said that, he did take kids on hillwalking trips, but he was selecting them.

*I always wonder whether it was reminiscent of a certain scene in Our Day Out.

If you haven't watched it, please do. I think it's still on Youtube. A young Alun Armstrong. Wonderful.

I was a teenager when it came out. The clothes and hairstyles are accurate.

Here you go.

A school near me had parents complaining about a trip and not taking their little dears whose behaviour was awful. Result is now that no member of staff is willing to take any children on any trips anywhere that aren’t in school time.

Teachers aren’t paid overtime or extra or time off in lieu for the 24 hours a day responsibility of taking children on trips.

Your daughter is disappointed and hopefully this is a massive life lesson.

Maybe this thread should be nominated for Classics?!

She has been on two trips and both times has ended up storming off and refusing to listen to staff.

Nothing bad has happened as a result of her behaviour so far, but why would the staff take the risk a 3rd time?

On the geography trip she even knew her behaviour was being watched and still stormed off. She needs to learn to control herself.

The school are absolutely right. I hope you have told her that too.

Actions have consequences, she was given a chance, she proved beyond doubt she simply cannot control herself even when the stakes are high, it is far too risky.

You should be pleased the school have identified and dealt with the risk for you before she gets herself into serious trouble.

Is an absolute privilege to have access to these holidays and only made possible by teachers willing to give up their free time, often time away from family, to be responsible 24/7 for other people’s kids. They are amazing, every teacher who does this.

Nope. She was given the chance and
now must face the consequences. My DCs
school is the same when it comes to trips.

This is a prime opportunity for her to learn that actions have consequences. No surprise whatsoever that the school aren’t prepared to take her after her behaviour. They gave her a chance and she blew it. Worrying that you can’t see that the fault lies with your daughter here…

If she runs off, two adults will seek to retrieve her, leaving the group well under ratios. Two previous incidents and warning not taken seriously. Its not a safe option for your DD to be on the trip. This isnt about punishing her, its about keeping her and everyone else safe - on the trip of a lifetime. You can focus on another trip for the family and get her to work on her emotions in the time being.

I agree she can't go on the trip. I also think that one person's "storming off" is another's fight or flight reflex being triggered. OP needs to look more into what's going on during these incidents.

How would you like your daughter going missing in NYC and a teacher phoning to tell you? Absolutely no way should she go and put all the others at risk from her behaviour.

Absolutely not.

Your DD has proven TWICE that she cannot behave herself on school trips and made things difficult for the people running the trips, this is entirely on her and she needs to face the consequences of her actions. She will only learn from these actions if you don’t coddle her. If she gets wind that you disagree with the school then she will learn nothing from this. You aren’t setting her up well for success if you let her believe the world owes her anything despite poor choices.

The school aren’t obligated to take a child on any trip that isn’t vital to the curriculum (and very few actually are) so a complaint won’t get you very far. Incidentally, not many people know this but it’s the trip leader who is legally liable on school trips, and not the school itself, so if the staff member leading the trip doesn’t feel comfortable with her (and I can see why they wouldn’t) then who can blame them?

Needs to learn a lesson so no don't pursue.. if she stormed off in NYC and they lost her or something happened to her you'd be the first to blame them.
She is 15 start teaching her her behaviour is out of order and destructive to herself and those around her.

999 replies without the OP returning. Must be a new record!

So @Chickenwinger verdict of MumsNet: 100% do NOT complain. DD needs to learn and grow as a result of this experience. #TeamDH

999 replies without the OP returning. Must be a new record!

FAFO unanimity from Mumsnet!