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Original poster

DD banned from NYC trip

1000 replies

Chickenwinger · 27/01/2026 07:43

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

OP posts:
Boredoflunch1 · 27/01/2026 07:52

No surprises where your DD got her attitude problem from.

GoldbergVariations · 27/01/2026 07:52

Good on the school. They are setting boundaries. You should be too.

Step up and be a parent, and stop enabling her bad behaviour.

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 27/01/2026 07:52

YABU. The school are absolutely in the right.

Mrsknowitall · 27/01/2026 07:52

You would want the school to take her to New York knowing that she is a flight risk? Your dd is old enough to know right from wrong and she should have been on best behaviour to show her school she can be trusted and you should have been warning her tbh. I wouldn’t want to take a child on holiday with me knowing they just go off on their own when upset. They have other kids to think about too.

JanuaryJasmine · 27/01/2026 07:53

You HAVE to be joking. I wouldn't be taking her to the local town, let alone NYC.

she's too badly behaved & unpredictable to take to another country.

she lost herself the place. Lesson to be learnt.

StrangerTwings · 27/01/2026 07:53

Your DH is right. The school staff cannot be expected to be put under that level of stress and pressure on (any) an overseas trip with a 'runner', particularly a city like NYC. I'm surprised they agreed to give her a chance in the first place but she has definitely blown it with her behaviour. You should be backing up the schools decision and reinforcing to your DD that behaviour and actions have consequences.

Hoardasurass · 27/01/2026 07:53

Chickenwinger · 27/01/2026 07:43

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

No she's a danger to herself and others, as such the school would be completely unreasonable if they took her to a foreign country.
Actions have consequences and your daughter is finding out the hard way that her poor choices and behaviour have the consequence that she was warned of ie she can't go on the trip.
Don't complain as it won't change anything as a risk assessment will have been done and it will show that its unsafe to take her, all that will happen is you will reinforce her poor behaviour by telling her that you will pander to her no matter how poorly she behaved

hopspot · 27/01/2026 07:53

Dd walks off. Two staff have to find her making ratios for the other children unsafe. They have to sit in a cafe rather than taking a boat to see the Statue of Liberty…

purpleygrey · 27/01/2026 07:54

She’s had more chance than my kids school would have given her.

if you were her teacher, would you want to be responsible for her?

Mumsknot · 27/01/2026 07:54

Use this as a lesson for her - she has to learn how to regulate her behaviour. At that age she really shouldn’t be running off like a toddler. The school has done you a favour as you clearly hadn’t addressed this problem with her and now you have a chance to do so!

midnights92 · 27/01/2026 07:54

Can you imagine the stress for the teachers taking a bunch of teenagers round new York, especially when one has form for being a pain? What do you propose they do when she runs off again, leave the rest of the kids in the street to search for her?

Imagine how you'd feel if you got a call that she'd walked off in a flounce and couldn't be found. She's going to be much harder to find in the middle of new York than on foot in a field.

School was absolutely right and you not backing them up is diminishing the lesson for her.

BitOutOfPractice · 27/01/2026 07:54

The op will not be back I expect.

But FWIW I agree with everyone else.

I bet you’d be complaining to the school if anything (god forbid) went wrong on the trip. Because it’s always someone else’s fault right?

Taweofterror · 27/01/2026 07:54

This could be a defining moment for her if you let it OP...

ShawnaMacallister · 27/01/2026 07:55

The school are right. How can they take her to NYC if she can't be trusted? She could come to serious harm.

Ohcrap082024 · 27/01/2026 07:55

You want to complain? Please do and then report back. We would all love to see how that goes.

Alternatively, you could buck up and actually parent your daughter. Find out why she is behaving so poorly. Stop excusing her behaviour. Might be worth a try.

Whattodo121 · 27/01/2026 07:55

Also to add to my previous post - I’ve never had to phone a parent from a school trip to tell them their child has misbehaved. That’s really really serious.

ShodAndShadySenators · 27/01/2026 07:55

She's a liability on trips and they warned her and you that it can't continue. So she's continued her inappropriate behaviour and been stopped from going in future. What else did you expect? Clear actions and consequences sequence. Your DH is right and you need to present this to your DD that poor behaviour has consquences for people.

I'd be embarrassed that my teenager had such little self control and common sense tbh. She needs to get a grip. Work out some strategies for her to help her manage her emotions as this is going to continue having an impact on her if she doesn't.

RoastBanana · 27/01/2026 07:56

No- the school is clearly doing the right thing.

I would be concerned about the fact you are even considering complaining - what behaviour is this modelling to your daughter, and how might that be contributing to what sounds like a pattern of poor behaviour?

GalaxyJam · 27/01/2026 07:56

So on the past 2 trips she’s been on she’s caused problems for the staff and put herself in a potentially dangerous situation? They’re absolutely correct in saying that her behaviour shows she cannot be trusted to go on the NYC trip.
Hopefully she’ll learn a lesson from this.

TheToteBagLady · 27/01/2026 07:56

I can’t believe you would even consider complaining. The school are absolutely correct here.

Aside from
it not being fair on the staff and other students, would you not be worried that she would do a runner in NYC and put herself in danger?

DecafSoyaLatteExtraShotPlease · 27/01/2026 07:56

Feels like proportionate co sequences to me, although...

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

I can see where the behaviour comes from. You say she was "provoked" yet she and her unreliable behaviours are the common denominator.

Team DH all the way here

2chocolateoranges · 27/01/2026 07:56

Taweofterror · 27/01/2026 07:47

Have to be honest, if this was my DD she wouldn't have even been banned by the school, I'd have pulled the plug on the trip myself!

Totally agree,

the school have given your child multiple opportunities to behave when out with school on trips and holidays. She has proven she can’t behave and listen to instruction. If I were a teacher I wouldn’t take her either.

unfortunately, she has to learn that her poor behaviour has consequences.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 27/01/2026 07:56

Have you done anything to address the fact shes making really bad choices on these trips, potentially putting herself in danger?

ACynicalDad · 27/01/2026 07:57

She’s in the find out stage of fuck about and find out.

the school warned her, she couldn’t behave for one day.

Most staff take school holiday trips for no extra pay, they don’t deserve your daughter and she doesn’t deserve them.

Mumski45 · 27/01/2026 07:57

You need to think about the messages you are giving her about consequences by even considering a complaint in these circumstances.

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