DD banned from NYC trip

[Chickenwinger]

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

I definitely wouldn’t be prepared to take her on a school trip in the uk with a history of running off/refusing to follow instructions…let alone to NYC. And. Would recommend to my team to not take on that responsibility either. Sorry, I appreciate she will be upset but you can’t expect staff to put their lives and career on the line like that if she behaves in this manner.

The school, and your husband, are correct.

She has misbehaved quite severely on previous trips, has been unable to rectify her generally poor behaviour and you think it is any way a good idea, or fair, to expect the teachers to put up with that for another trip?

Absolutely not. She needs to learn from this.

For every activity or trip, my son's school state that attendance is dependent on positive behaviour before the event. Your school probably does the same and your daughter will now face the consequence of not doing what she is told. You should be glad that they are implementing their rules. Your daughter will no doubt be disappointed, but you can do her a favour by not going along with the idea that the school is out of order.

Lesson learnt - she needs to grow up and learn some better behaviour. It sucks, but life's a lesson and maybe she'll learn from it and think twice in the future.

Same. And I am a very chill parent!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

You want to complain that staff aren't willing to take your child on a transatlantic trip after she's proved multiple times on trips that she'll disappear and refuse to follow instruction?

Seriously?

Put yourself in their shoes - would you want to take responsibility for someone else's child when they'd repeatedly behaved like your DD has?

FAFO.

She was warned what the consequences would be if she didn't behave. She has brought it on herself. Your job here is to back the school up and not be that parent. Parent her, which sometimes means she doesn't like the outcome.

If you complain to school you will forever be that parent!

She fucked around and found out. Her actions have consequences. She doesnt deserve to go on the school trip at all, she has repeatedly demonstrated that even after being given numerous chances.

Use this as a life lesson to your daughter.

In my son’s school participation in trips is contingent on good behaviour. She’s old enough to deal with being upset and not wander off. There’s no ways I’d want to be responsible for a teenager in New York who wouldn’t follow instructions. She was warned, and they’ve followed up on that working. A literal case of fuck around and find out. I’d not embarrass myself by complaining to the school.

Every time I see teachers out with a school group I think how incredibly stressful it must be for those teachers. I wouldn’t want to take on the responsibility they do. So no, school are not being unreasonable.

School & DH totally correct. For any school trip this would be a huge risk & why should it be on teachers? DD went to NYC last Yr or school trip & had a fantastic time, all kids were warned well in advance that poor behaviour in school before would result in not being allowed to go.

She’s shown quite clearly that it wouldn’t be safe taking her to New York because she can’t control herself or her emotions and walks off, they’ve absolutely made the right decision. Hard lesson for her to learn but she needs to learn it, actions have consequences even when it doesn’t feel fair. You would be totally unreasonable and really doing her a disservice to complain. You are her parent and need to prepare her for real life.

Would you want to be a teacher with responsibility for a flight-risk in a foreign country?

If there’s a chance she will again wander off in an unknown city, let alone one as far away and huge as New York, because she had a tiff with her friends then it absolutely is not ok to place that responsibility on her teachers, it is stressful enough taking other people’s children on a trip and your daughter sounds a risk. As an ex teacher I am firmly on the schools side!

I’ve been running school trips, residential and day for 20 years. I’ve never had a kid run off or refuse to follow instructions. The vast vast majority of kids on school trips behave well as they realise that they are out of the normal environment and want to comply to get the best out of the trip. They will not have come to this decision lightly, this behaviour is extreme.

Exactly this.

There is more chance of me flying than expecting another adult to be responsible for her after two examples of inability to follow instructions. She’s putting herself, the staff and the other students at risk while a member of staff runs after her.

No. The school is right and you are being too soft on her about this.
She has been on two trips now and demonstrated that if she’s upset/in a strop she won’t listen to staff who have already taken full responsibility (twice!) for her safety. You need to deal with your daughter.

The school is being completely reasonable. Do you really want her to have the chance to be wandering around on her own in NY?

I think the school have done the right thing. She didn’t follow staff instructions on last summer’s France trip and was warned that NYC was conditional on better behaviour. Next trip she walks off from the group in the middle of the city (definitely not better behaviour). So the school have done what they said they’d do if she messed about again, and taken her off the NYC trip. Fair enough!

Looking at it from the teacher’s point of view, I wouldn’t want to take a teenager who doesn’t follow instructions and has form for walking off from the group to a large unfamiliar city in another country. No way. Never mind navigating airports and the absolute need for extended periods of good behaviour on two flights. There is no way I’d want to take on the responsibility of keeping her safe, and it would be wrong for the school to try and force the teachers to do so.

Your DD has behaved badly, been given a warning, behaved badly again, and now the consequence that was warned about has been given. Absolutely nothing unfair about that!

She’s a safeguarding nightmare for the school staff and I certainly wouldn’t want to be responsible for her.
This is her kick up the ass and you should be supporting the school in their decision.
To be honest you both sound like a pain in the neck!

Fair enough
if I’ve paid all that money to send my children to New York City, the last thing I want them doing is wasting time trying to locate your naughty daughter

Secondary school teacher of 28 years here. No way would l want to be responsible for that on the middle of New York.

Imagine if she stropped off there? The school can’t keep her safe. School are totally right.

The school is right. Sheobviously can't be trusted to behave and I can't believe your response is to complain to the school.

And what would you say to the school?

"I promise my daughter will be good in NY and not fall out with her fellow students and not walk off"

Will you sign an affidavit confirming that you'll take full responsibility should she walk off and get raped or murdered whilst in NY?

What's your take going to be when you make this complaint?

Hopefully this will be the wake up call she needs. Actions have consequences.