DD banned from NYC trip

[Chickenwinger]

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

IMO the school have given her enough chances to prove herself and she has proven that she can’t follow instructions and puts herself at risk.
the school is right and yabu if you complain. Perhaps teach your daughter that poor behaviour has consequences and that it’s her actions that led to this.

It often runs in families. Tbh OP's bizarre response to the school's perfectly reasonable position does make me wonder!

Serves her right.

"The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset."

So she got told she could only go if she behaved herself - and then didn't behave herself?

Sounds like exactly the kind of consequence she needs. Maybe she'll remember this next time she thinks about misbehaving.

Catch yourself on OP! I mean honestly why on earth would staff want to take her after her previous behaviour? She can’t be trusted to act responsibly and she had been given more than enough chances to prove herself and still keeps making stupid decisions (which you keep making excuses for!)

I agree.

She will get over this and hopefully be wiser in future.

To continue the off topic…..

My niece works for a company which builds trips for schools, to visit all over the UK and world. Lucky beast has got a 6 night trip to China in the coming couple of weeks, Beijing, Xian, and Shanghai, so she is likely to see the Forbidden City, Summer Palace, Great Wall, Terracotta Army and the gardens in Shanghai, among other things. She works with the schools to help them decide where to go to cover their requirements which are usually tied to syllabus.

Edited to say her trip is paid for by the Chinese Tourist organisation.

So when she throws a strop in NYC, runs off and can't be found, gets lost, gets beaten up (or worse) that'll be the schools fault? Teachers and schools take a huge risk in every field trip, and manage that risk through certain reasonable expectations on behaviour. If your daughter can't meet those expectations, she is too high of a risk to take. Simple as!

Your husband is correct. The day trip last week was your daughter’s opportunity to prove she can be responsible - she’s screwed that up royally.

Lesson learned

What do you expect complaining to actually do? Your daughter isn’t safe to take away. I wouldn’t want to take her on a school trip to the local supermarket, let alone New York! She can’t control herself so doesn’t get to go. The school will easily tell you she doesn’t pass the safety checks and cannot go.

This.

can you imagine the consequences if she misbehaves in NYC?!

do you actually think she should have a place above another well behaved pupil?

crazy to think the school would do anything but ban her

you need to consider the young person you are bringing up and start supporting the idea that behaviour has consequences

Poor teachers. Those trips are stressful enough without having to deal with a teen who seems to believe that she can just disappear in a strange city. Jeez.

Sometimes I think I should quit mumsnet, then a thread like this comes up! Pure gold 😀
Will there be a second thread if OP doesn't come back?

So when things don't go her way, for whatever reason, she refused to listen to the grown ups in charge and strops/swans off and disappears ... Every Time.

I'd refuse to be responsible for her on a school trip. Your husband is right. She has done this. All by herself. Through her choices. And choices have consequences.

Yep, completely agree!

Nope. As a teacher the amount of stress I go through just taking my year 3 class on a day trip is wild. The thought of taking a group of teens to New York with the possibility of one doing a runner…not a cat in hells chance!

School trips are very stressful for school staff (ask me how l know!), she sounds like a liability and no way would l want to be responsible for her somewhere like New York!

The fact that you are backing up your daughter and feel that you have grounds to complain probably explains why your daughter behaves so badly! A lack of discipline!

Another click bait waste of time.

Controversial opening post, and 37 pages later, the OP hasn’t returned at all.

Don’t waste your time posting advice.

You seriously think teachers should take her to one of the busiest cities in the world when she has shown, despite previous warnings, that she will walk off if things aren't going her way? Good grief, OP. Tell your child it's her own damn fault and to learn from the experience.

I’ve been on school trips abroad - they’re so stressful to run. You can never relax as you’re always on full alert. There’s no way I’d be happy having to take someone like your daughter too (unless she has a one to one). She runs off and disappears on a subway train. What do I do?

This was her opportunity to prove that she could be responsible and part of the group, but she wasn’t able to do that. As others have said, this is quite a good opportunity for her.

Your daughter is a known flight-risk, can’t listen to instructions, rude and disrespectful to teachers and has disproportionate reactions to mundane everyday things that happen to teenagers. No way in hell as a teacher would I trust her to come on a school trip and risk my career. The trade-off is simply not worth it. A disappointed parent and child is no way comparable to multiple teachers, losing their job, the school being prosecuted and in the media and above all, a child permanently going missing or coming to harm.

No way in a million years would I risk this as a teacher. I wouldn’t even consider it no matter how much you promised and pleaded. I’ve taken students off field trips for much less. Past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour. Too much of a risk.

Let this be a life lesson to her. You won’t be able to enjoy nice things in life and people won’t want to be around you or look after you if you can’t behave like a reasonable person. It’s a good thing she realises this now instead of when she reaches adulthood. Understanding the impact and consequences of your behaviour on others by experiencing something that stings like this is the best way to self-correct behaviour.

It seems OP has flounced. Did she seriously believe peeps were going to agree that she should complain to the school when her d is clearly a liability on school trips ?
What planet are some people living on?🙄

Year 11s at my daughter's school do 5 days of NYC and Washington. Although it's 3 years away,,we are already saving 😆