What is reasonable for a ‘guest’ to do

[WhyAreWeLikeThis]

I’m struggling, and I’m aware I’m pathetic but I don’t know what’s normal.

I have a houseguest as a favour to a family member. This person is not related to me, and is not paying rent although sometimes picks up milk

I live here with my adult daughter (also not connected to him). It’s a quiet house in a quiet neighbourhood. Daughter works long hours and is in bed by 8 (playing the sims or animal crossing I think, but goes to sleep at ten). Im up much later

He is very noisy at night, he drinks a lot, smokes weed - not in my house but brings the smell in with him, he told me it was outdoor plants but I’ve lived here 20 years, I know what it is, and I know people don’t mind weed, but I hate it. Also he plays very loud shouty games with friends in the early hours, and gets takeaways delivered at 2am (doorbell wakes my daughter)

Ive just told him it’s unacceptable and he told me to shush.

My daughter won’t say anything to him because she hates confrontation. I don’t like it either obviously. She gets really angry with me

Person we’re doing the favour for has said she doesn’t want to hear my drama. If it wasn’t for this there would be no drama

I swing between thinking I'm overreacting and wanting him to leave immediately

I’m not used to houseguests apart from the kids having sleepovers when they were younger and I’m not naturally hospitable so genuinely don’t know what’s normal

I'm guessing this kind of abusive behaviour is why he's not allowed in your daughter's home. Boundaries need to be set with consequences ie. Disrespect will have 0 tolerance and will be met a evictiction noice of 24 hrs

I'm guessing this kind of abusive behaviour is why he's not allowed in your daughter's home. Boundaries need to be set with consequences ie. Disrespect will have 0 tolerance and will be met a evictiction noice of 24 hrs. And tell him as of today this is the rule, no noise after 9pm and before 8am on working days, if this doesn't work for him he is free to find other accommodation

I say the the same
Its your house,smokes weed ,my god id have him long ago.im sure daughter who works really hard ,will understand.

He goes today and can pick up his belongings on the weekend. His friend can pay for him to stay in a hotel or boarding house

Very good advice.

I'm struggling understand why you are tolerating this. He's a stranger yet stinks your home of weed, tramps around in the early hours. Oh just tell him to fuck off. I wouldn't want a stranger, unless he's DBS checked in my home, but certainly not a dick like this. Why are you asking when you know he must not be allowed to remain with you, easy as that.

You cannot put up with a situation like this!!! Change the lock and get rid of him!He doesn't have the right to enter your house!You didn't think he might hit on your daughter???

Perfect first response! Chuck him out today.

@WhyAreWeLikeThis what did you do in the end? Are you OK?

Agree with all of this.

If this guy has a job, why isn't he paying rent or part of bills? You're talking 3 1/2 months here with even the possibility of another 6 months. Out your foot down, get him out ASAP.

Have you got a male friend or relative that could be there to back you up, when you demand the key back and get him to pack his crap and leave? 🔑

Because I bet you money he wouldn't be as disrespectful to a male in your home. He sounds like a piss taking cunt fuck! 😡

If you are worried about not seeing your grandchild, then I understand, but it's setting a standard and a boundary for yourself.
My father always said he wouldn't be bribed by a grandchild and put his foot down with my brother who royally took the piss out of my mum. Guess who came crawling back after withholding contact from the GC when he needed work doing on his house and couldn't afford to pay tradesmen and struggled with nursery fees? 🙃

Yep! My dad was a tradesman, and my brother soon saw the light when he 'needed' our parents help.
Funny that.... 🤔

This is not your drama and not your problem to fix. This is your daughter's and this (waste of space) lads problem to sort.
If he stops paying for the flat, she will probably say you've made us homeless etc. Sorry but NO, she is an adult now, this is her crap to sort out and you have tried to help and she took the piss. 😠
Don't let mum-guilt win in this situation, or else you are making a huge rod for your own back.

🫂 @WhyAreWeLikeThis